


Watching My Bridge Burn Down

by wobuzhidao322



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mind Games, Multiple Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-05-10 11:24:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 74,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5584000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wobuzhidao322/pseuds/wobuzhidao322
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren is many things. He is a runaway, a killer, an enemy of the resistance, a powerful wielder of the force, but Ben Solo is someone else entirely. He is someone far more powerful and in many ways, more terrifying than Kylo Ren could ever be. </p>
<p>This is the story of Kylo Ren and Ben Solo and everything that they burn to cinders (and the story of how Poe Dameron tried to stop them).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

As the man stepped off the transport the dust seemed to part for him, the harsh tendrils to caress him lovingly as they danced past. For a moment, the world seemed to freeze, the universe expanding to make way for him as he towards the burning village.The cloaked man carried no blaster, no knife, nothing but a small metal cylinder, almost in the shape of a cross, hanging at his waist. The tails of his thick robes flew out behind him like great black wings, as he strode with purpose towards an old man standing almost calmly in front of one of the many clay huts.

His hood was pulled, but the bright light made by the burning town cast strange shadows over the intricate metal lines on the mask covering his face. He strode ever closer to the old man, all the while paying no attention to the screams and blaster fire which now raged again around them. Even with his face concealed his focus was clear. It was sharp and absolute, like that of a hunter finally closing in on its prey.

The troopers had almost finished their business by the time he finally came to stand in front of the old man. They dragged the remaining humans into the center of the town. It was there, with blasters aimed and ready to kill, that they waited for their orders.

The old man stood almost frozen in place as the cloaked leader finally completed his approach. He did not tremble, his eyes were not wide with fear like those of many of his fellow villagers, instead there was something almost sad in them. The old man opened his mouth as if to speak but then fell silent. 

There was a brief pause as the predator looked down on his prey.

“Where is the map?” 

The mechanical tone produced by the mask did nothing to hide the dark power behind the words. The old man felt the slight tremor in the air as the cloaked man spoke, as if the planet itself was afraid of this warrior. He steeled himself, before looking at the spot where the masked man's eyes would be. 

“Kylo Ren.” he sighed. His voice was tired, almost a whisper as he looked up. “ What is it about the past that you fear so much? Why do you fight your nature my child? We both know you will never truly be him. Even though you adopt the name of that shadow.” 

There was a pulse of anger in the air, and a burning charge seemed to roll off of Kylo Ren as his hand fell down to the metal cross at his waist. 

“Where is the map to Skywalker? Tell me old man, for my patience is beginning to run thin.” Even though the mask removed any tone from his voice, the rage behind the words was palpable. 

“It is gone child. It is gone. You won’t find him Ren, you will never find him. Not until you finally bend to the call you feel inside you. Not until you return home to your fath-” There was a blinding flash of red and the old man fell to the ground. The stench of iron and burnt flesh filled the air anew. A split second after the old man fell, a scream of anger came from behind Ren, and a blue blast was shot at his back. Time seemed to come to a halt as Ren turned and with a lazy flick of his wrist, froze the shot in mid air just as the resistance pilot Poe Dameron came hurtling over a small ridge of sand, brown eyes filled with rage. However when time sped back up, Ren sheathed his light saber and began to cross the distance, and Dameron was still as frozen as the bolt of blue light.

The pilot tried to run, to fight his friend's murderer, but could not move from his position. Dameron felt as though his muscles had turned to stone all at once. Two storm troopers appeared from behind the ridge and grabbed the frozen pilot on either side, forcing him to his knees, as their commander approached. Dameron watched as the cloaked man drew closer. Although Ren's face was concealed behind the mask it seemed almost as if he was smirking behind that metal façade as he looked down at Dameron. Suddenly the pilot was struck with a blinding pain. He felt as though someone was forcing their way into his brain with a newly forged knife. The touch lasted for only a brief moment, but it left the pilot screaming in agony. Dameron all but collapsed, tears streaking down his cheeks. He had been trained to combat this sort of torture, but never had he felt such hot, burning pain. 

All was eerily silent. The only sound seemed to be that of the desert itself, yet in the center of the village the troopers still awaited their orders. Ren did not move. He simply turned his head to one of the commanders and in that even, metallic voice said “Kill the remaining villagers, and burn whatever is left.” 

“ What about the map?” This came from a storm trooper in a shining metal uniform. It had an emotionless female voice which was unusual to say the least. The pain was fading allowing Dameron to now focus on the fear he felt. If BB-8 did not make it off the planet before this man got the secret out of him all was lost. Somehow, Dameron felt that it would not take very long for this Kylo Ren to extract the secret from him- no matter how hard he would fight. 

 

“It matters not. We have all we need to find it right here” Kylo Ren answered calmly, all the while never turning away from the pilot.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo feels the call of the light. He doesn't react well.

The corridors were always empty at this hour, not that this sector was ever really visited. It was technically designated as living quarters, but it only had one inhabitant now. There were other rooms down here of course, storage containers, a small armory, even a common room, but no one liked to linger for too long. There was off about this sector, something in the air. In the distance the clacking sounds of a floor patrol’s boots could be heard against the inky floors. Their shift would not end for at least another three hours, and the next patrol won’t reach this section for another seven hours after that. With a sigh, Kylo Ren began walking down the hall towards his quarters. He moved silently, like the wraith his men feared him to be, black cloak billowing despite the absence of wind. 

He pulled the force closer to him, enjoying the thrumming warmth of its energy around him.  
The cold of space had of way of leaching into even the largest of ships, not that this place needed any help in terms of coldness. The white walls seemed to blur into one another. Every corridor on every floor, was identical. A labyrinth meant to control as much as it was intended to contain. One could not afford to deviate from one’s prescribed path in this place. He shivered slightly, although he had not idea why.

At long last he reached the door to his quarters. The room itself was unremarkable. There was a bed laid next to a large window, a small table beside it. Everything was either black or metallic, as if someone had tried their best to remove any trace of personality. One the far side of the room there was a silver vault inlaid to the wall. A dark energy seemed to be emitted from it, the kind that would make the hair on the back of one's neck stand up. 

When the door closed behind him with that slow metallic hiss that he had come to despise, Kylo finally removed his helmet, sighing as the room’s cold air caressed his cheeks. In these moments he always felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, as though he were free. There is no one here to control when I am alone. No one to frighten. No one to disappoint. But there was always someone to disappoint. Kylo let out a harsh curse at the memory of letting the map slip through his fingers once again. He had the pilot of course, but the man was strong, he would take time to break. Suddenly overcome with rage he threw the helmet to the ground, reaching for the light saber at his belt before stopping suddenly- thinking better of it. Dropping his hand away from the saber, he sighed yet again. 

After taking a long, deep breath, Kylo began to undress. First came the cloak, which he hung carefully from a hook on the wall, then the black leather boots he favored over the standard issue pairs provided to recruits. These were placed by the door. Then came his jacket, belt, shirt, and trousers. There were all folded neatly and placed at the foot of his bed. Finally he removed his saber from its sheath, placing it with great care on top of the folded clothes. 

 

This completed he made his way to the room’s small bathroom. He stopped in front of the mirror, looking intently at his reflection. A pair of tired brown eyes looked back at him. "My hair has gotten longer", he mused, running a large hand through the brown locks, before turning towards the small shower. 

It was under the stream of hot water that he felt it again. The call to the light. An indescribable warmth enveloped him and it was as though a veil had been lifted. He saw himself running through a field of flowers, smiling- a thing which he had not done in a long time. A voice called out to him, warm and welcoming “Ben. Come to me Ben.” For a split second he felt an elation beyond words, and then just as quickly as he had left it, he was brought crashing back to reality. He had fallen and was now lying on the shower floor, a thin strand of blood mixing with the water as it swirled into the train. 

He rose slowly, stepping out of the shower, before beginning to dress methodically. At last he emerged, dressed in simple black pants and shirt, and went to the vault embedded in the back wall of his room. It opened with a hiss and Kylo sank to his knees eyes closed. 

 

“Help me Grandfather, for I have felt the call to the light. It was stronger now than it was before. Please! I beg of you, show me how to be strong, tell me how to fight it. I know the weakness of the light, and I refuse to fall prey to it. Show me the Power of the dark, so that I will be consumed by it and never fall prey to the light again.” 

 

After a moment, he felt a surge, a dark power filling him from head to two. Kylo let out a deep breath, one that he had not known he was holding in, and felt the universe flex around him as his eyes flew open. 

The twisted mask of Darth Vader was looking back at him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo interrogates Poe. He gets more than he bargained for.   
> P.S. -everything in italics is a memory. When it ends with (-), it means it is being cut off as we move from one to the next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the updates with hours of each other are slightly ridiculous, but this thing is practically writing itself, and I refuse to keep it trapped on my lap top when it is screaming at me to upload it all.

“Well shit.” 

Poe Dameron had woken up in a cold metal room, strapped to a cold metal contraption, which was clearly meant for torture, and to top it all off he had a splitting headache. All things considered there were very few ways in which this situation could be worse. Poe had always been one hell of a lucky bastard, but it seemed like even his luck was at an end.  

He tested his bonds, but he knew before he even tried that there was no way he would be able to break his way out. That didn’t stop him from pulling at the restraints until his wrists were bloody and his body had almost given out because of the exhaustion. 

The pilot was halfway through the list of every curse, in every language that he knew when his body was lifted and slammed back down against the metal behind him. He felt the surge of power run through him like a flash of lightning, its aftershocks rolling through him for minutes after. Whatever it was it had been enough to shut off the lights. 

Poe lay there sweating and panting in the dark as his mind went through the images which had just flashed through his mind, but before he could make sense of them there was a metallic hiss as the door to the chamber opened. The lights flashed back on, and a pair of troopers ran into the room, one pointing his blaster at the prisoner, and the other frantically turning the dials on Poe’s chair. 

If he hadn’t felt like he was about to pass out, Poe might have been amused. Whatever the hell that  surge was had no doubt affected the whole ship, and yet these idiots were afraid of one rebel pilot, who thanks to these frankly excessive restraints, was clearly going nowhere. 

“Is the prisoner secure?” asked the one with the blaster.  

“Prisoner is secure. Report back to the commander” the other trooper responded, still crouched down behind the chair. 

“What the hell just happened!” Poe was as surprised by the pure rage in his voice as the two storm troopers seemed to be , however he quickly recovered. “What the hell was that!” The two troopers looked back and forth at each other, as if they couldn't’ understand what their prisoner had said.  

‘God Damn it, I know you understand me. There is no way in hell that you didn’t feel the pulse that literally shook the entire ship, even the first order’s lackeys can’t be that idiotic.” He was practically growling now, his eyes shining with an almost murderous light.   

The one behind the chair kept going about his business as if Poe wasn't even there, but the trooper with the blaster remained motionless. Poe could almost swear that the trooper was looking into his eyes, considering what he had just said. However this ‘contemplation’ lasted for a fraction of a second, and then the two troopers were on their way out of the cell. If they heard the stream of curses which followed them out of the room, they took no notice of them. The door slid closed again and silence soon fell. 

He closed his eyes, but sleep never seemed to come to him.

Poe did not know how long he lay there before the door opened again. It might have been minutes, maybe hours, perhaps days. 

 

His eyes flew open. Several troopers had entered the room, but his eyes were fixed on the tall man who entered the room last. Kylo Ren exuded power and as he drew closer, Poe could feel it washing over him and shivered. He had not forgotten the way in which the warrior had entered his mind on Jakku. Poe readied himself for the pain, the burning intrusion that would come with Ren opening his mind, but it did not come. 

“Where is the map?”

Ren asked the question the same way he had asked San Tekka back on Jakku. His voice measured by the modulator and yet full of a frightening force. There was a pause as Poe collected himself, sinking back into his training. BB-8 must remain secret. His training would protect the map, even if it may not protect him.

“I have no idea,” drawled Poe, before giving the masked man his most charming smile. “And even if I did why would I tell you? Forgive me if I have some reservations about telling anything to a masked murderous maniac.” He leaned forward as much as the restraints would allow, bright eyes shining with defiance all the while. The closer he got to the man the more he felt his power. 

“You will tell me where it is. How long and painful this process is up to you, rebel. Now I will ask you one before time before I make you tell me.” 

The complete calm of the man’s voice infuriated Poe. He looked at straight into the place where the other’s eyes should have been, wondering for a split second  who this man could possibly be. Poe was so busy trying to stare through the man's mask that he did not notice the way Ren was slowly raising his hand.

“That's rich” he laughed, although there was no humor in it. “Yes! Lets all pretend that I have any sort of choice in this situa-” Kylo Ren’s gloved hand was in his face, and he was pressing into Poe’s mind.  

_ “ _

_ Tell me more about Luke Skywalker Dad!” His father looked down at him. “Poe it’s late, besides you have already had your story for tonight, it is time to go to bed now.”  _

_ “But Papa, You can’t leave the story there. Luke has to go rescue him from Jabba” the little boy pleaded-  _

 

_ " **You must take this droid to the resistance-** _

 

Kylo tried to follow this train of memory, but another one was pushed to the forefront. He smirked. The pilot was trying to fight him. Interesting. 

_ “But how were they able to destroy the death star, Dad?’ His father laughed. “Well they had a little bit of help from an old friend.” The little boy looked up, eyes wide with wonder. “You don’t mean-” _

_ Poe was running through a field. The sun shone bright and the smell of fresh flowers filled the air-  _

_ He was flying for the first time. Feeling the freedom of space. The speeds he reached were amazing- _

**_“BB-8! you must run. get as far away from here as you can. I'll come and find you, I promise. ” The orange and white droid sped off. Heading west._ **

There it was. Kylo began to remove himself from the pilot's mind. At long last he had the location of the droid. His master would be proud. Yet- He felt it. There was a disturbance in the force. It was small, so small that he almost missed it. He reached out to it trying to find the source, and without warning was pulled back into Poe Dameron’s mind. 

 

_ The water was warm against his skin. With each stroke he felt as though he was getting further away from the rest of the world, even though the lake itself was hardly large. On the bank he saw a figure. A man. The man just stood there, watching as he drew closer to the dock. He finally swam close enough to see who it was. It was his father.   _

_ “You don’t have to run away son. you know...my mother and I..we love you.” The man looked old. Older than he ever had. “We love you too much to let you go. Ben-”  _

Kylo Ren recoiled, abruptly severing the connection. He looked down at the pilot in shock, seeing the same emotion flicker in the man's beautiful eyes before they went dark, and Dameron finally succumbed to his exhaustion.   

The troopers turned to look at their commander, waiting for instructions. Even through the anger which coursed through him, Kylo realized that to them it must have appeared as if nothing were wrong. Their invincible lord was still unharmed, unphased, inhuman. 

“The droid. It is a BB-8 model. Orange and White. It is back on Jakku. Find it.” With that Ren turned and swept out of the room.  

Underneath the cold metal mask, Kylo Ren face was contorted with rage and something which he had not felt in a long time: fear. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has a temper tantrum and receives a summons he already expected.

It was not until he returned to his rooms that he finally allowed his control to slip. With a roar he drew his saber, slashing the walls until he could no longer move. It was then that he fell to his knees, throwing his helmet to the side. He felt a tear roll down a flushed cheek, painting a cold line from his eyes, over his lips, and finally down his chin. His dark hair fell around his face like a curtain as he knelt on the frozen, black floor in a solemn parody of prayer. 

Emotion ran through him. A singly drop turned into a mighty flood.

He had been violated. That man. That rebel had entered his mind, throwing his memories back at him. Kylo’s face darkened, as a new current of rage filled him. Who was this pilot that he dared intrude into his memories. He rose from the floor, replacing his mask before he exited the room and began to journey through the maze of corridors to the prisoner's cell.  

He could have used the force to choke the life from the man, he could have stopped his heart from where he had knelt in his quarters. No, he wanted to watch as the man died. Wanted to see the light leave those pretty brown eyes as he plunged his saber through the man’s heart. That seemed to be a fitting punishment.

At last he reached the door to the prisoner's cell, only to find it open. He stepped inside letting the door hiss closed behind him.

The chair which had held Dameron was now empty. There was no sign of a struggle, no blood or bodies on the ground. Kylo felt the rage within him intensify, until it seemed to have burned to the center of his soul. A moment later, two guards came running into the room, skidding to a halt when they saw him standing there.

“Lord Ren. The prisoner has escaped,” said the one nearest the door. The white mask may have been designed to filter emotion from their voices, but Kylo could feel the troopers’ fear. Without a word he raised his hand from his side, lifting the two men up into the air. For a second he could feel every part of them, every vein pulsing with hot, red blood, every heart beat, every breath. Their force of there lives swirling around him. Then he made a fist and watched as the crumpled to the ground, their hearts blown apart by the force of his anger. The white plates of their uniforms reflected the ruby glow of his drawn saber, as he stepped over there slowly cooling bodies and out the door.

He felt a certain calm sweep over him as he walked towards the command center, where General Hux was waiting for him. Kylo did not trust the general. He did not like the haughty thoughts he found in his mind, or how the other man's cold eyes were forever attempting to see beneath Kylo's mask. The General prided himself on his ability to keep his face blank. However, even he was not quick enough to hide his flinch as he took note of the blood red saber in one of his gloved hands. A quick look into Hux’s mind revealed the message the man carried, but Kylo paid him no mind, striding past him, and continuing towards the wreckage. He could have forced his Jaw closed to keep him silent, but there was no need. Hux knew exactly what would happen to him if he overstepped his bounds. 

His saber hummed in affirmation.

Kylo walked to what was left of the windows overlooking the main hanger. The already smashed glassed, pulverized even further under his feet. Several  ships had been severely damaged and the blasts from the cannons had left ugly black scars on the austere grey walls of the hanger. Outside, Kylo could hear the groans of wounded soldiers and behind him the heartbeats of what remained of Hux’s staff.

Slowly, he turned back towards the general, finally allowing the man to say what he had been planning to ever since Kylo had entered the room.

“Snoke has summoned you, Lord Ren.”  Hux sounded almost pleased through his careful neutrality. There was a faint glint in his dead eyes, something akin to malice. The General thought that this might be the end of the apprentice. That Snoke would blame Kylo for the pilot's escape. Maybe he even hoped he would be sent to correct the wrong, proving his superiority over the force-wielder at long last.

Kylo almost laughed out loud. He almost stripped the oxygen from the generals lungs. He almost separated his head from his shoulders. He did none of these things. Instead he simply replied “I know,” and swept out of the room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Poe Dameron, and the stranger in the desert.

Poe wiped the sweat from his brow. The desert heat seemed to have become a part of him. His lips were chapped, and he longed for water in a way which he had never experienced in his life. He didn’t know what had become of that odd trooper who had saved him. He hoped that the man had survived. He deserved that much. Not that it mattered what one deserved. If Poe Dameron had learned one thing in his life, it was that the universe was indifferent. Maybe the force was on the side of some, but for the most part everyone was on their own. His clothes stuck to his golden skin and the sand seemed to have lodged itself into every pore on his body. 

 

He walked on. The dunes rose higher and higher around him. Waves of sand lulling him into a trance as he stumbled onwards into the nothingness ahead. The nights were better, he thought. At night it was almost cool and the stars shone above like a million tiny lights guiding him through the never ending sand. Poe had always loved the stars.

 

Poe had been walking for days when he finally collapsed in a heap on the ground. The world turned to a blur around him as the desert started to claim him for its own. Above, the sky was still the deep blue of a desert night. The wind blowing along the dunes seemed almost like music to him, a lullaby luring him to sleep.

 

“You are a long way from home aren’t you, Mr. Dameron?” someone said. Poe forced his tired eyes open. There was a man sitting close to his side. He was dressed in robes of a deep brown, and his chestnut hair fell around a handsome angular face. Poe thought he must have been uncomfortable in such heavy clothes, for although the night was relatively cool, it was still far to warm for such garb. 

 

The first question to leave the pilot’s parched lips was relatively uncreative, but one that seemed to need asking. “How do you know my name?” His voice was cracked and raspy, both from disuse and thirst. 

The man smiled although it did not quite reach his steely blue eyes. It took so much effort for Poe to keep his eyes open, and yet there was something about the man that wouldn’t let him close them.

“I know many things,” he said. “I know that you are a pilot for the resistance. I know that you have implanted the location of Luke Skywalker in a droid. I know that you were captured by the first order.” The man paused, as if choosing his next words with extreme care. “I know that you were interrogated by the one they call ‘Kylo Ren,’ and that for the briefest of moments you were able to enter his mind.” The man now seemed far more somber. 

 

Poe laid still, listening quietly as the man spoke. “Why have you come to me?” he asked. The other man scoffed at the question as if there was something inherently wrong with it. Instead of answering, the blue-eyed man leaned closer to Poe and whispered something under his breath, before leaning back and smiling once more. 

“Do you not feel it, Poe Dameron?” 

Poe could feel his consciousness slipping away with each millisecond. 

“Feel what?” Poe whispered gently, and then an even fainter “are you..you’re.. glowing” before he finally drifted into the darkness. Before he let go, he heard the man speak on last time, his voice almost tender. 

“You must find Ben, Poe Dameron. May the force be with you, for I fear that you are his only hope.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo reflects, then he experiments.

Kylo stood alone in in the now empty chamber, mask removed. A strange bluish glow, bathed his skin in pale light, making his eyes shine with strange and haunting colors. The cold stone walls seemed to draw closer to him, suffocating him with their grandness. He looked up at the cavernous ceiling wondering how much energy he would need to bring it down around his shoulders. The force buzzed around him, a comforting presence in this cold, dark place. 

 

His master had not been pleased by his failure, but he had seemed to be more displeased with general Hux than his pupil. Yet, Kylo could not shake the feeling that his master was concerned about the call from the light. 

 

Master Snoke was different in every way from Skywalker. The ‘last of the Jedi’ had been little more that a sentimental old fool. Even the thought of the old man left an acrid taste in Kylo’s mouth. Skywalker had power and yet he refused to use it for any cause, dark or light. The Old man had been repulsed by Kylo, afraid of the darkness which flowed through him. The warrior grimaced at the memory of his previous masters revulsion when he felt the dark side swirling within his nephew. Snoke, however, had cherished it, nurturing the sith power the young man had inherited from his Grandfather. He had showed Kylo how to pull the dark to him, master it, and make it bend to his will. All Skywalker had ever done was push his most eager student away from him. 

 

He looked up to the ceiling once again, eyes falling closed. He felt as if he was fraying at the ends, slowly unraveling as deft fingers pulled him apart, thread by thread. The stolen memory of his father flashed before his eyes. The warrior saw the love and longing he had seen in the other man’s heart. Kylo wished he had had the strength to stop that heart from beating then and there. He wish he had watched as the man fell to his knees on the dock. More than anything, he wished he had ended Ben Solo there, instead of simply swimming back out into the open water, pretending not to hear the sound of tears and pleas fading in the distance with every stroke. 

 

With a bitter sigh, the apprentice began to make his way down towards the door. His footsteps not loud enough to cut through the crushing silence. 

 

The malfunctioning storm trooper was troubling, the girl was even more so. He had felt the pulse of her power from a distance. She was strong. Strong enough to be a problem for him, especially if his own power was weakened by the pull to the light. He wondered who she could be to have such a connection to the force, but quickly pushed the thought from his mind. They would meet one day soon, when he had pushed the light so far away that it could never touch him again. He would finally kill Ben Solo and then he would kill her. He replaced the mask, relishing the sound of the click that locked it in place. 

 

As he stepped through the doors and back into bright corridors of the destroyer, his mind turned once again to the pilot. The man was not dead, he was sure of that. Several search units had been sent down to scout the wreckage, find the remains, but there had been no trace of the pilot. The more his focus remained on Dameron, the more Kylo began to feel a nameless hunger grow within him. 

 

He walked swiftly through the corridors, watching from behind the mask as patrols and soldiers parted for him. Kylo could feel their fear. No doubt they had heard about the two guards from the cell, maybe they simply feared his abilities. Either way he did not care. He stopped at a console, quickly flitting through the system for any new data relating to the fugitives. There was nothing as of yet, but he knew that sooner or later they would be found. One could only hide from the First Order for so long. 

 

Later that evening as he lay motionless in his bed he was struck with an idea. The darkness of his quarters seemed to shift around him as he slowly rose, turning to look out the window into the starry sky beyond. He often looked to the stars when he needed a moment of clarity. Though he would never admit it, it was in these moments that he felt the strongest. 

He let his eyes fall shut, and began pushing his mind gently out beyond the destroyer and into the black beyond.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe returns home, but something is not quite right.

He woke with a start, feeling someone's eyes on him. He raised his head, body tensing in preparation to fight for his life, only to let out a low chuckle and fall back onto the soft white pillow bellow. His brown hair fanned out around his head, dark lashes fluttering as the corners of his eyes crinkled up with his smile. 

“You know," he said, voice a low rumble, " I’m really starting to get tired of waking up in strange places.” Even though it sounded tired and sore from lack of use, the happiness in the pilot’s voice was evident. However, even this did little to dissipate the traces of worry General Organa’s honey brown eyes. 

“Aren’t you going to ask how we found you?” she said softly, in the same way a mother would speak to her sick child. The princess looked tired in a way that Poe had never seen her before. Her greying hair was tied back from her face in a tight braid, the tail of which briefly brushed against his cheek as she leaned in close to brush a strand of hair from his eyes. The pilot's eyes shone with mischief as he spoke. “For your information, General, I have no interest at all in finding out how you managed to find and rescue me from the middle of the desert.” He finished this little speech with a short “hmph” which only served to make him look like an overgrown child. 

 

“We’ll save that story for another time then, won’t we,” she laughed. “I want you to get some rest now Dameron. That's an order.” Before he had a chance to respond, she was already gone and the door had closed behind her.

His now healed lips turned up in a small smile. “Yes Ma'am.” 

He took a moment to appreciate the warmth of the sun shining down on his face through the skylight above. The recovery room was small, as was to be expected, but it reminded him of his own quarters. Green plants climbed up part of the cream colored stone wall, the earthy perfume they released filling his lungs and setting him at ease. Through a small window he could here the sound of x-wings taking off from their landing strips, soldiers laughing loudly, orders being relayed. There was such resilience here.  
Poe lay still for some time, content to enjoy the sounds of life around him. It felt so different from the eerie silence of the Star Destroyer. 

 

It was with a violent shudder that his thoughts returned to his cell and the impossible thing which had happened there. Only fragments of the memory he had glimpsed remained. He could feel the water on his skin, he remembered the tall man on the dock, but the picture faded before he could see anything else. Nothing, however, could cloud the memory of the rage he felt from his interrogator as he removed himself from Poe’s mind. The general had made no mention of BB-8, or the map and Poe instantly feared the worst. Not that there was anything he could hope to do about it lying here in this bed. 

He took a moment to brace himself for the pain, before slowly swinging his legs down off the bed. With some effort, he was able to stand, the paper hospital gown crinkled loudly with every shift of his body. Poe then made his way towards the pile of clothes left stacked on a side table. No one seemed to be very surprised to see Dameron up and about so soon after waking up. He greeted every ‘hello” and “glad to have you back sir” with a smile, as he made his way back to his own rooms. 

The route back to his home was long and winding, but it was so familiar that he could have navigated it blindfolded. After gingerly climbing up several flights of stairs, he finally arrived at his destination. He let out a sigh of relief, raising a large hand to input the key code. 

Once inside he dropped the cheerful façade he had been maintaining for his fellows, falling back against the metal door with a thud. He felt a drip of sweat run down from his temple. Poe suddenly felt incredibly weak, as if all the life in his body was being slowly drained. he told himself it was nothing, only the result of exerting too much effort too soon after injury. But, underneath the exhaustion and the lingering pain, he knew he could still feel the faint burn of Kylo Ren’s energy coursing through him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his defeat in the woods, Kylo reflects.

He lost track of the time as he lay there in the cold snow. His body ached. The burns the girl had left on him were no longer white hot, but they were enough to keep him pinned in place. His long hair looked almost black against the pure white of the ground. Kylo took a deep breath, reveling in the feeling of the chilled air filling his lungs. The loss of his mask left his face open to the elements. A faint breeze caressed his pale skin. It might have been soothing if it weren’t for the way if also brushed his wounds with it’s icy touch. Underneath his armor he could feel drops of hot blood sliding down his cooling body. A part of him hoped that it wouldn’t stain this place where he had fallen. He wanted it to remain untouched.

 

Inside of the main complex it had been loud, the sound of blaster fire and explosions had seemed to infiltrate even the darkest parts of the structure, and yet here in the woods, it was silent. Kylo looked up at the dark trees around him. They stood there, watching over him like grim sentinels. Snow began to fall. 

 

In the distance he had heard the sound of the of gunfire, and finally a large explosion.

There could not much time left before the destroyer imploded, taking him with it. Not that it mattered now. His eyes flashed, brown turning almost black as an unnamed emotion threatened to corrupt him. It must have been an hour since the bridge. An hour since he had killed his own father and watched as the man fell. He felt the tiny flakes come to rest upon his still warm skin. They melted, sliding down his cheeks, taking the place of the tears he would never cry. He had felt nothing as he watched his father’s body fall into the abyss below them. The dark had not rushed through him as it should have. Snoke had been wrong. Ben Solo did not die along with his father. 

 

He slowly brought a hand to the wound on his side. The flow of blood seemed to have stopped. Maybe it was the cold finally taking its toll on his abused body. The girl had beaten him. She would have killed him had it not been for the earthquake which split them apart. He had been beaten, his power proven weak and useless. No matter. It was almost over for him anyway. The sky began to grow darker, deep grey giving way to the black of night.

 

Kylo Ren let his tired eyes fall closed. He inhaled, long and slow, feeling the force buzz around him one last time before he died. A sudden calm fell over the warrior as he felt a warm energy envelop his broken body.

 

There was a rush of wind as the transport drew closer. It landed quickly, only meters away from the black cloaked body which now lay motionless in the snow. Two troopers stepped from the red glow of the transport and made their way towards the body of Kylo Ren. It seemed almost as if the man was asleep, a creature from a fairy tale, locked in a peaceful slumber. 

They lifted the man up from where he lay, and carried him to the safety of the ship. When at last they had laid the man carefully in one of the bunks which lined the silver wall, general Hux stepped forward. The general had always wondered what was hidden behind that mask, and seeing his opportunity to see the fearsome Lord Ren so weakened was too much of a temptation to resist. He leaned closer, taking in the striking details of the man's face now bathed in the blood red light of the transport's interior. Suddenly, Hux recoiled, springing backwards as if burned. The shock in his cold eyes was evident as he flew from the room.

As the transport sped to safety, a pair of full lips twitched, pulling up into a wicked smirk.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of the battle, Poe makes a decision.

They had won the battle. 

The cheer that greeted the new heroes of the resistance as they returned to the base was thunderous. Colored banners danced with the wind, as the rebels celebrated. Thousands of faces were lit with bright smile and the sound of laughter filled the air. However, for most, the elation that came with victory did not last. The ranks of the First Order has been decimated, their destroyer had been obliterated, but then again so had the Death Star before it. 

When he finally clambered out of his fighter, Poe was greeted by what felt like thousands. His fellow pilots clapped him on the back, others shouted words of encouragement, congratulating him on the final shot which had save them all.  
With every step he could feel the chill of space leave his body, the landing strip solid and familiar under his feet. The sun was shining, a warm breeze ruffling his already tousled hair, yet he could not shake the feeling that something was wrong.

As he made his way through the throng, he heard whispers about a battle between Kylo Ren and Rey, the scavenger girl from Jakku. They spoke of an awakening. They spoke of a return of the Jedi.  
Poe was quick to notice the way the members of the crowed would occasionally glance at the grim faced woman who now stood in front of the Millennium Falcon. The pilot knew who she must be. Her brown hair was pulled back from her face, light saber strapped to her waist. The woman was Rey, and yet she was not the Rey, Finn had lovingly described to him the night before the battle. This woman was a far cry from the adventurous girl for which Finn had risked his life. 

She stood next to the general, locked in some deep conversation. He watched as her thin lips moved quickly and with purpose, each word short and precise. 

Poe lengthened his strides, hoping to reach the general as soon as possible. After it had become clear that the imminent threat of the destroyer had been extinguished, his mind had turned to other things. Dameron had a request to make of the General. One which he could wait no longer to make.  
However, before he could reach them, he saw the general move away from Rey and back towards the base. The older woman’s head was lowered to the ground, and Poe could have sworn he saw her shake with a silent sob before she disappeared. 

Rey’s eyes were hard, almost cold as she watched the pilot approach her. The silky grey fabric of her clothes flew out behind her in the wind, flowing like streams of water.  
When at last he stood before her, Poe felt the words which had been on his tongue melt away. He could feel the power rolling off of her, much in the same way that he had felt it in the presence of Ren. However, where Ren’s energy had been like a force of nature, like thunder and lightning, hers was more like the gentle waves of the ocean: light, calming.

“Thank you. Thank you for saving Finn's life out there, I don’t think I could have taken the loss of another friend,” he finally managed to breath out. She smiled. It was rather grim, but it was a smile none the less.  
“You're are welcome. Although had it not been for him, I fear I would have died in that forest.”

They stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment more. The woman looked as if she were about to turn away, but before she could something stopped her. She paused, looking deep into his eyes as if she was searching for something within them. All of a sudden, Poe felt a spark, his body surging with energy as if he had been shocked. Rey's eyes widened for a fraction of second, but she quickly pulled her face back into a mask of careful neutrality. However, before the pilot could regain his own senses, she stepped into his space, whispering almost conspiratorially in his ear. “If you intend to go on this quest, you must be cautious, Poe Dameron. There will be much darkness and danger on your path.” She hesitated before continuing in a somber tone, “ and I fear you may not like what you find when you reach your destination.” 

Just as quickly as she had entered his space, she leaned back. Her steely eyes met his own once again before with a whirl of grey cloth she turned and headed towards the base. 

 

He stood frozen on the landing strip for a long while after she had left. A thousand thoughts blew threw his mind, and for the second time in the past few days he felt a strange pull within his very soul. Even as the sun faded and the crowd began to disperse, no one dared disturb him. They knew he had lost many men that day. He deserved time to grieve. The pilot was so lost in his thoughts that he did not notice the small orange and white droid roll up to him. 

BB-8 waited patiently for what it considered a respectful amount of time before alerting Poe to his presence. The little droid watched as its master’s eyes lit up, and the tall man sank down on one knee so that he he could run his hand over the droid head. 

“Hello little buddy. The two of us, we cut it a little too close this time, didn’t we?” Its Master’s voice was soft, betraying an undercurrent of worry. 

BB-8 beeped in agreement. It had been a hard journey, but the little droid had never for a second given up hope that he would see his master again. 

Poe looked up to the sky above. It was dusk now, and the faint outlines of the stars were beginning to emerge.

 

“There’s something I need to do, BB-8. Someone that I need to find,” Poe whispered to the droid. “It’s kind of a long shot, but I think that if I don’t try, I'll never be able to forgive myself.” His tone had turning meditative. There was something larger at work here, something of great importance, and Poe Dameron was going to get to the bottom of it. 

“So BB-8, how would you like to go on another adventure with me, just this one last time?”  
Before Poe realized what was happening, the droid beeped happily and sped off towards its master’s fighter. Poe smiled to himself, he rose to follow the orange and white blur. 

 

“I'm coming for you Ben. Who ever the hell you are, I’m coming for you,” he whispered to the darkening sky above.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know Ren probably seems slightly out of character, but honestly I feel like her experience on the destroyer and her fight in to woods would probably have changed her a lot. Watching her hero die in front of her probably wouldn't help either. In addition, I feel like the movie doesn't really focus on the fact that she is basically a survivor. Ren is a very tough woman, and I wanted to really showcase how much of a hardened survivor she would be if she had really been abandoned on a desert planet for most of her life.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren makes a decision. 
> 
> The present is written in normal type, the past in italic.

He ran, thin cloak whipping out behind his as he sprinted towards the transport. 

 

_ The taste of iron filled his mouth.  A black gloved hand rose to wipe the blood from his lips, eyes hardening as he pushed back against his master’s power. In seconds he was knocked back to the ground. This time he heard the sickening sound of his head cracking against the crystalline floor.   _

_ “Again. Get up boy!” came the cold growl of his master’s voice. It reverberated throughout the crystal cavern, chilling the young man to the bone. Troopers lined the walls. Their white clad bodies motionless, like the statues found in a temple.  _

_ Kylo rose slowly to his feet, eyes focusing and unfocusing as the world twisted around him. His thin robes did little to protect him from the chill or the impact of being knocked to the ground again and again. A hand drifted subconsciously to his side, but there was no saber strapped to his belt. The weapon glinted in Snoke's hand, the light from above dancing on the warm metal cross .    _

_ His gloved hand rose to his face yet again, this time pushing away a strand of hair, wet with blood. Kylo braced himself against the coming attack, legs spread, feet planted firmly against the ground. With a deep inhale, he called the force to him, feeling its energy build up a shield around him. So he stood, waiting for an attack that did not come.  _

_ Snoke laughed. It was a dry rasping sound, similar to that made my a dying man as he took his last breath.   _

_ “You would dare use the teachings of Skywalker against me? Maybe you truly are like you father, a weak fool. I fear you may have finally outlived your usefulness to me.”  _

_ Kylo did not answer, instead he continued to breathe. In and out, slow and calm, centering himself. Deep inside himself he could feel power growing, bubbling up within him.    _

 

Behind him he could hear the faint sound of yelling and boots clunking against the ground in pursuit. Above, the black sky shimmered with constellations, trails of green and purple melding together like magic. 

The outline of the transport drew ever closer.  

 

_ It had not taken long for his wounds to heal. Many of the scars would linger for some time, but several had already begun to fade away into nothing. The damage to his body was fleeting, but Kylo felt as though the man who looked back at him in the mirror was a stranger. There was something missing now, something he did not couldn’t see. Maybe he simply didn’t want to see. _

_ When he was not busy training, he kept to the shadows. If he was forced to navigate the crystal fortress he did so cautiously, with his hood pulled low over his face. He may have no longer had the invincibility of the mask to protect him, but he had ways of inspiring fear even when his face was bared.    _

_ Kylo’s training began as soon as he was able to rise from his bed. He has been ordered to leave his saber behind, and as he drew closer to the hall he felt its absence more acutely.   _

_ His master had not been pleased by his failure in the woods.   _

_ When he finally returned to his quarters his eyes were hollow, body sore, and mind close to breaking. Kylo couldn’t even make it to the bed, instead collapsing in a heap on the cold crystal floor.  Snoke had pushed him to his very limits. Kylo knew that his master worried about his ability, especially after his defeat, and therefore wanted to prepare him fully. Yet, even that did not explain the sheer force of his master’s assaults.  _

_ With a grunt, he managed to roll onto his back. The ceiling above him was almost beautiful. The crystal from which the fortress sparkled in the light, distorting the colors which passed through it.   _

_ A picture formed in his mind as brown eyes drifted closed. Green hills covered with flowers appeared in the foreground. In the distance he could hear the faint sound of a brook. Birds sang sweetly. He watched as they flitted from tree to tree, their wings the colors of the richest jewels. The sky above was startling. Blues, pinks, oranges, and yellows blended together seamlessly.  _

_ There was a faint rustle behind him as someone moved through the trees. He turned with a start but found no one there. Instead, the sounds moved deeper into the woods. Like the fool he had always feared he was, he followed.   _

He reached the transport, breath coming in short bursts. Several troopers rushed out to meet him, but he threw them to the ground with a wave of his hand. He rant to the console, quick fingers closing the door and preparing for take off. Moments later the ship broke through the planet’s atmosphere. 

 

_ The trees grew thicker around him as he followed the other’s movement but he felt no fear. At long last he reached the edge of a beautiful lake. The stars shone above now, the sky a deep purple. A man’s voice called to him from the water. It was strong and steady, and it pulled Kylo closer to the edge of the lake.  _

_ “Come to me Ben. It’s all going to be alright. ”  _

_ Kylo shuddered.  _

_ “You must let go of your anger, Ben, before it rips you and the rest of the world apart.” _

 

He hit the thrusters and the ship made the jump to light speed.  

 

_ Snoke rose from his seat, eyes burning with rage as he looked down at his motionless apprentice.  _

_ “You are nothing,” he hissed. “ It was I who showed you the power of the darkness, yet you fail me at every turn.”  _

_ Kylo did not move a single muscle.   _

_ “you insolent boy! Do you think I have not felt your weakness, the way you submit to the pull of the light. You are a disgrace. What do you think? That they will accept you? That Skywalker or any others who follow the light will ever help you?” Snoke laughed again, long and cold.  _

_ “Do you believe that any one will ever love the man who murdered his own father?”  _

_ With a roar, the apprentice let the energy inside him erupt.  _

 

Kylo was far away from First Order territory by now. With a wave of his hand, the star map projected in front of him vanished. He leaned back in the pilot’s chair, watching through the window as space flew past. With every system he put between himself and his former master, the young man felt the weight on his shoulder’s decrease. 

In the  glass one could see the reflection of a young man. His eyes shone with the light of a dying sun, dried blood turning a rusty brown upon his brow. Long brown hair hung down to a pair of broad shoulders, and constellations of freckles dotted a long, pale face. 

For a brief moment, Kylo's eyes passed over the man's reflection. 

Ben solo stared back at him. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe sets off in search of Ben, and ends up drawing closer to Kylo Ren.

As much as he had longed to simply hop into the cockpit of his fighter and fly off, Poe knew he couldn’t just up and leave, especially after such a devastating battle. It would take weeks to rebuild the ships they had lost, and maybe longer to train new pilots to take the places of those who had fallen. For the moment his place was here.

Rey had left about a week after the battle. Poe had watched from his perch on a battlement as the woman made her way onto the millennium falcon. The whole planet knew by now that she was on her way to train with the last of the Jedi Knights. Many now looked up at her as they would a savior. If she had not known that many thought of her as their only hope, then she definitely knew it know.

The pilot did not envy her in the least. The Luke Skywalker of his father’s stories had been brave, headstrong, selfless, but the man who had chosen to exile himself was something else entirely. Poe had seen first hand what living alone like that could do to a person. On his adventures, he had come across many who had either driven mad by the silence, or made hard and unfeeling. “No,” he thought. ‘‘Nothing good ever came from such isolation.”

A month had past since Rey had left to begin her training. In that time Poe and the rest of the rebellion had not been idle. They had finished repairs on most of their fighters, and had even begun the construction of a whole new fleet.

It was with a weary smile on his face that Poe finally drifted off to sleep that night. His dreams had been dark of late. They were full of voices he did not recognize, and waves of splitting pain that would wake him with violent starts. He had grown used to awaking in the early hours of the morning, tan body coated in a sheen of sweat. However, this night there was no pain. He felt a wave of contentment wash over him. The voices were gone, instead the only thing which broke through the silence was the sound of steady, even breathing. Without warning the breathing stopped and with a surge of energy, much like the one he had felt aboard the destroyer, Poe was flung from his bed. Instead of crashing onto the stone floor below, he was lowered gently, as if by an invisible hand, towards the ground.

Poe Dameron was two systems away by the time the sun had risen over the base. He had looked in on Finn quickly before he left, but the former storm trooper was sleeping so peacefully that he could not bear to wake him.

His desire for such an early departure was mostly due to the fact that he would rather avoid answering any questions about his mission or about the light traces of a bruise forming on his cheek where his head had connected with the floor a little too roughly. His brief conversation with General Organa had been painful enough, and he had no desire to repeat the experience.

She had given him his x-wing, bluntly stating that the “damn thing had so many modifications, that it wasn’t like anyone else could fly it if they wanted to.” All things considered, the princess had suffered the loss of her best pilot quite well. She did not press him for any details, accepting the simple “ I’ve got something I need to do, and I’m afraid I have put it off for far too long,” with an understanding look. Poe could not help but feel as if he were abandoning her and the rest of his companions, stealing away like a thief in the night. Yet, before he could apologize for leaving with such short notice, she had pulled him into a warm embrace. His brown eyes widened in surprise at the contact. The General had always been kind to him, but he had never seen her like this. After a moment, General Organa released him slowly. Leia gave him a small, sad smile as she looked him up and down.

The pilots dark brow furrowed as he returned her gaze. There was an ocean of sadness in those beautiful brown eyes. He wondered at the cause of it, as she lifted a soft, wrinkled hand to his tan face, pushing a strand of hair behind his ear.

“Good Luck, Poe. You...” Her voice cracked a little, the force of her emotion too strong to hide as she continued. “Your parents they, they would have been so very proud of you.” For a moment, he wondered how much the general knew about his plans. Maybe Rey had told the woman about the images she had glimpsed in his mind. Yet, he could think of no reason why the force wielder would share what she knew.

The general had looked back at him over her shoulder, whispering a quiet goodbye, before slowly turning the corner, leaving Poe standing alone in the dimly lit corridor.

 

He had BB-8 chart a random course, crossed his fingers and wishing for the best. As they hurtled across the galaxy the realization of just how insane this whole thing was hit him with full force. He didn’t have even the beginning of a plan for finding “Ben”. He hadn’t the faintest idea how to begin searching for someone whom he not only lacked a last name, but whose face he didn’t know. Hell, with his rotten luck they would probably end up lost on some god forsaken rock in the middle of nowhere, with no fuel and no water before the week was out. Poe Dameron, best pilot in the resistance, would be remembered as nothing more than ‘that idiot who sailed off into space and never came back.” He laughed dryly at the thought. After all, It served him right for paying any attention to the request of what was no doubt a desert hallucination.

Surely enough, five days later his prophecy had played itself out.

They had landed on the jungle planet minutes before the fighter finally ran out of fuel. Poe jumped from the cockpit, landing gracefully on the soft ground below. BB-8 lowered itself from its seat, then quickly rolled over to stand next its master. The pair of them took a moment to take in their surroundings.

They seemed to have landed in the middle of the forest. Lush green vegetation spread out as far as the eye could seem. The damp heat was almost as suffocating as the perfume of the thousands of flowers which hung from the vines above them. Poe could feel the sweat starting to bead underneath his flight suit. The sounds of life filled the air around him. Insects chirped, birds called, and all manner of creatures went about their business. Not too far away he could hear the rumble of a waterfall.

“Could be worse huh? Could have been another damn desert.” Poe ground out. He ran a hand through his sweaty hair in a vague attempt to calm himself. He was not sure exactly where they were. The only thing the pilot knew for sure was that wherever they were it was pretty close to the ass end of the galaxy. The chances of finding fuel this far out were slim to none. He was grateful for the comforting weight of the blaster against his hip.

“BB-8, I need you to stay close. There probably won’t be any people this far out, and if there are, they most likely won’t be in the mood to talk.” Poe grimaced at the thought. The only ones who ever came out this far were either smugglers, looking to lay low, or criminals so dangerous that they had no reason to fear the hostility of the unsettled planets.

BB-8 beeped in response, whirling around the small clearing in energetic circles. Poe looked down at the droid in confusion. “What do you mean there’s a settlement here?” The pilot looked around once more as if he was trying to see through the mass of green which blocked their view. From what he had seen during their descent, there was nothing to be found here but miles and miles of green nothingness. The Droid beeped again, this time slowly, as if it was worried its master was having trouble understanding.

“Who the hell would be idiotic enough to build a town in this humid..” He began, but broke of with a sigh as the droid began rolling away from him into the trees. Not believing what he was about to do, the pilot unzipped his flight suit down to the waist revealing the thin white undershirt beneath. He tied the arms around his middle before moving to grab the empty fuel canister he stored under the cockpit.

BB-8 poked its head out from behind a very large bush, watching to make sure its master was following.

“I’m coming. I’m coming,’ the pilot laughed exhaustedly. With one last heavy sigh he followed the little orange and white droid into the jungle.

They had not been walking for long before the sounds of a town began to filter their way through the trees. When at last they had made their way out of the trees, Poe was greeted with the welcome sight of civilization.

“Guess you were right buddy,” he murmured.

 

The town was small, most of its buildings seemingly carved out of the rock of the large mountain which rose up before them. There were several ships docked a few hundred meters from a large tent like structure. They were an odd mix. Most were the same nondescript transport used by most of the smugglers in the galaxy, but there were a few clearly meant for combat. Thankfully, none of them looked like the crafts favored by the First Order. Despite this small mercy, he kept his hand close to his holster as they moved further into the town

Most of the inhabitants paid him no mind. No doubt they were quite used to strangers coming and going.

However, there was one man who watched the pilot all the while. Poe could feel the eyes boring into his back. He picked up the pace, entering the first building he came to.

It is a universal truth, that a bar will always looks like a bar, regardless of the planet where it is located. Bottles full of every liquor imaginable were displayed over the bar and a few patrons sat at the rickety tables lined up against the wall. Many of them had hoods their hoods drawn over the faces. Those who did not, had clearly made a conscious effort to sit in the shadows.

He strode confidently to the small room, all the while feeling as though those eyes were still upon him. The bartender was human, although his face was so disfigured by scars that it would have been easy to mistake him for a member of another species. The man’s mouth lifted in a rather chilling attempt at a smile.

“And what can I get for you today, Sir?” The bartender’s voice was as rough and ugly as the rest of him, but it was clear that he meant the pilot no harm. BB-8 rolled closer to nudge hesitantly at his master’s leg. Poe ignored the droid favor of gracing the scarred man with his most dazzling smile.

“I was hoping you might tell me where I could get some fuel. I ran out and had to land my ship a few miles from here. I could also do with some food. My rations are close to gone.”

Poe watched a series of emotions flash through the other man’s bright green eyes, as he felt a large hand grab him by the shoulder. With a jerk, Dameron was turned around to face his attacker. Behind him the Bartender exhaled in exasperation. In a second, Poe had drawn his blaster and pressed it into the other man’s thick neck. They stood like this for what felt like an eternity before a gruff voice cut through the silence.

“Let him go Jasper, you idiot. I would have thought you would know better by now. ‘Specially after what happened last time you pulled that stunt in here.” There was something threatening in the bartender’s tone. Poe watched as his attackers face contorted in anger. The man’s hand dug deeper into the pilot's flesh, but after a moment he let go.

“Now. I suggest that you get out of my bar before I let this man here end you.”

Poe noticed through the buzz of adrenaline coursing through his brain, that his attacker was missing his left hand. What was left of his wrist was wrapped in gauze, yet there was not a spot of blood on the white cloth. As ‘Jasper’ turned on his heel and strode out of the dim room, Poe let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding in. He turned back to the bar, taking in the mixture of pity and anger on the barkeepers face.

“I’m sorry about that. Jasper always tries to pull one over on the new arrivals, especially the non-threatening looking ones." The bartender gave Dameron an appraising look, before continuing. "He’s relatively harmless though. Worst he would have done would be to knock you out before he robbed you.” The bartender sounded sympathetic, as if there was nothing to be done about the man’s behavior. “You’d think he’d have realized that people aren’t always what they appear to be, huh? ” he said, green eyes drifting down to the blaster, which was once again secure at Poe’s hip. “What’re you doing out here anyway? You don’t look like no smuggler, and besides even with a quick draw like that you don’t seem the type to be on a wanted sign.”

Poe hesitated before answering the man’s question. “I’m looking for someone. This,” he gestured to his surroundings, “is just where my luck decided to run out on me.” He smiled again, although this time it was nowhere near as brilliant as the first. The bartender hummed in agreement. “Yeah, most people who turn up here have had their luck run out.” He poured Poe a drink. It was something blue, and it smelled overwhelmingly of curry powder, but it went down easy enough.

The slight burn of the alcohol in his mouth had a calming effect, and suddenly he found himself overcome with curiosity.

“ What was it that happened to that man..Jasper. What happened to him last time he tried to rob someone...non-threatening?” He could not keep the amusement from his tone at the thought. Poe may not have been the stuff of nightmares, but he was not someone to be trifled with.

The bartender’s face darkened visibly at the question, but he answered it nevertheless.

“About three days ago another stranger came through town. He didn’t say much. Like you, he just needed some fuel before he could be on his way to wherever the hell he was headed.” The green eyed man shuddered. It was so slight that the pilot would have missed it if he wasn’t directing all of his focus on the other man. 

“Anyway, he was sat in here waiting for his ship when Jasper pounced, as it were. I guess he took the stranger for an easy target. Poor bastard. The man moved so fast none of us knew what had happened. That is, until we heard the scream. Jasper’s hand was on the floor. There wasn’t no blood or nothing. All that was left was a giant burn where it had been.”

Poe’s eyes widened in shock. Thoughts ran through his head at the speed of light, but they ceased as the bartender continued to speak.

“Then, the stranger just walked out, cool as you please. He even left some money on the bar to pay for his drink. A few minutes later I saw his ship take off, headed further out into the black I think.” 

It couldn't have been him. There was no reason for that man to be out here , so close to the end of the galaxy. Besides, the warrior he had met on Jakku would have crushed the life out of the thief, not taken his hand. Kylo Ren would never have let that man live. 

It could not be him. 

“This man...the stranger.. what did he look like,” he asked, voice now at a whisper.

“He was tall. Very tall. Dressed mostly in black. He-”

“Did he wear a mask?" Poe interrupted. He needed to know. The pilot leaned in closer, a powerful energy seeming to hum about him, as he looked into the other man's green eyes.

“No,"  the other whispered back, "but he did carry a red light saber that looked a hell of a lot like a broadsword.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's getting closerrrrrrrrrrr! Next chapter will be Kylo/ Ben focused. Thank you all so much for the comments, bookmarks, and kudos! I hope you are all enjoying this little story so far, because things are about to get rough for our boys.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo finds a new home, and a new sense of peace, only to have it all come crashing down around him.

If  Kylo stayed this course, it wouldn’t be too long before he would be so far that there was no chance of anyone ever finding him. Outside, the stars seemed to stretch around the small craft as it hurtled through the darkness. He had realized relatively soon after his escape that the transport would run out of fuel long before he reached his intended destination. It was for this reason that he had begun throwing his mind out into the darkness, searching for any shift in energy large enough to be a settlement.  Kylo was careful not to press too hard for fear of alerting Snoke as to his location. It wasn’t out of fear that his former master would hunt him down, for there was very little chance of this, it was merely out of a desire to truly disappear. Kylo Ren craved the peace and quiet of solitude more than anything. 

His stop on the smugglers planet had been far  too eventful for his taste. The fact that the fool from the bar had thought to rob him was puzzling, although perhaps to be expected given that he no longer wore his mask. He ran a hand through his long wavy hair, pushing it down against his head in agitation. If he was willing to be honest with himself, Kylo would have recognized that his striking features were many things, but terrifying was not one of them. Unfortunately, years of denial were hardly going give way because of one incident in a bar. Yet, something else did manage to give him pause as he had sped away from the jungle, tank full of fuel: He had let his attacker live.

Kylo should have killed the man for his insolence, for daring to lay a hand on him, and yet he had let him go. He hadn’t even taken the full arm, a measly hand. Puzzlement filled the lustrous brown eyes reflected in the glass covering the cockpit. Without realizing it, he had carefully pulled a thick lower lip under his teeth, worrying it gently as he thought. If any of his fellow knights had seen their lord as he was now, they wouldn’t have recognized him. The man reclining in the leather pilots chair seemed younger, less burdened, eyes shining with a light which had not been present for many years. Under the colored lights of the ship's console, his skin seemed almost luminescent. 

During his time in the employ of the First Order he had crushed the life out of soldiers simply to provide and outlet for his frustration. He had executed innocent civilians without batting an eye. Kylo Ren had been a murderer without conscience, single minded in his desire to achieve whatever goal he had set. No, his face darkened suddenly, it was not that he had spared the man, it was simply that his miserable life wasn’t worth taking. 

_The perfume of wildflowers filled the air. In the distance he could hear the shouts of pilots and mechanics going about their business on the base. The green grass covering the rolling hills which stretched out towards the horizon, waved gently in the breeze. With a shout, his father, grabbed him from behind. The older man lifted him high into the air, twirling the him around and around until it seemed as if the earth was moving below them. “Daddy! You’re back! How was it? Did you see uncle Luke? Did you bring me anything back? Where’s Mr. Chewie?” He asked his questions so frantically that the words simply blended into each other._ _Han finally put him back on the ground, pulling the overly excited child into his arms, before pulling away._

_ “You ask so many questions, buddy, sometimes it’s hard for daddy to keep up,” the smuggler chuckled.   _

_ Ben’s face fell. His already pink cheeks turning a deeper shade of red. “I’m sorry daddy, I didn’t mean to upset you. It's just that I missed you so much,” the child whispered, big brown eyes threatening tears.   _

_ “No no no, it's alright Benny, don’t be upset!” The pilot looked almost lost for a second, as if he had no idea how to stop the salty tears already welling up in his son’s eyes. “Daddy’s just a little slow sometimes.” He reached out to ruffle the boy’s wavy locks.  _

_ “Are you sure?” the boy asked, rubbing the tears away with a corner of his shirt. He looked up at his father's eyes wide and expectant. Han’s face broke out into a smile.  _

_ “Of course I am, Ben. Of course I am.” There was a brief pause between his first sentence and the following, as the wavy haired boy flung himself back into his father’s embrace so enthusiastically that the pair of them ended up sprawled out on the grass. “Now,” his father said, sitting up so that the boy was resting on his lap. ‘ To answer your first question, my trip was very exciting. Chewie and I met all sorts of interesting people. Second, I did see Uncle Luke and you should be proud to know that he has agreed to take you on as an apprentice when you're old enough.”  _

_ Ben wrapped his arms tighter around his father’s shoulders. “But I’m a big boy now, daddy,” he huffed. Han only laughed, strands of his brown hair waving in the breeze. “Yes, I forgot  about that. My little man grew up on me while I was away!” The child giggled, eyes shining with pride. “But you remember that it's not up to daddy. You see,” he leaned in conspiratorially, “ you and I know you're a big boy now, but you’re mommy is the one that makes the decisions around here, and she says you need to stay here and protect her while daddy’s away.”  _

_ Ben giggle again, nodding in affirmation. “ Finally, I did bring something back for you. You have to remember to thank Mr. Chewie for it. He was the one that picked it out for you from the port before we left.” The child nodded enthusiastically. “Alright then.” It took a considerable amount of effort, mostly because of the wriggling child in his arms, but Han drew a small metal disc from a pocket in his vest.  Ben’s eyes widened as his father deposited the contraption into his waiting hand.  _

_ “What is it daddy,” he asked, tracing the lines that ran around the disc with a tiny fingernail. Han smiled. “Well if you take you finger like this,” he traced his index finger around one of the lines, “and you lift it like this,” with a little bit of light pressure from the pad of his finger, he lifted upwards, causing the top half of the disc to swing back. “ then you can open it.”   _

_ As the device popped open a bright blue light poured from it, casting intricate patterns across the boys freckled face.  _

_ ‘What is it daddy,” the child asked, voice filled with wonder.  _

_ “It's a map. A map of all the stars. You keep this with you and you'll never be lost, no matter how far out you go.”  _

_ Ben shot up, kissing his father lightly on the cheek before running off to thank Mr. Chewie for his present. Han remained where he was, watching with a wry smile on his face as his little boy ran off with his treasure.  _

Kylo pulled himself back to reality. He suddenly felt cold, every part of him now numb as if he had jumped into freezing water. His father. He had gone so long now it seemed without thinking about the day on the bridge. The day he had.. The day his father died. Kylo suddenly became aware of the emptiness inside him, the aching hurt he had not been able to feel for an age. 

A tear slid down his cheek. Kylo lifted up a finger to his face, capturing the strange substance on its tip. The young man studied the salty liquid, a series of emotions flashing across his face.  

“So this..this is grief,” he whispered to the silence. “I had forgotten what it felt like.’ 

He finally arrived at the planet two days later. It was small. In fact one could probably walk around the whole thing in a week or two.  

_ The shaggy red carpet felt soft and comforting against his skin. All of the smells and sounds of home surrounded him, but he was worlds away. A question had been swirling around his mind all day. _

_ “Dad? Have you ever been so far out that there were no more planets.. only blackness?” Ben’s voice was soft, as he gazed up at the projected stars above him. His father looked up from whatever he was fixing, face scrunching up in thought. “Well, there was one time I went pretty close to the edge, stopped on one of the inner rim planets, but all the way, no. I don’t think so,” he responded. “Why do you ask?”  There was no judgment in his father’s voice, just genuine curiosity.  _

_ The teen shook his head, gaze still fixed on the edges of the map. “I was just wondering.” He fell silent again for a moment eyes tracing their way across the galaxy above. “Sometimes I wonder if it would be peaceful out there. I wonder what it would feel like to be so...removed from the rest of the universe.”  _

_ Han looked down at his son. There was something so sad in the boy's voice, something far too somber for someone so young.  _

Kylo had set the craft down near a small river, as it seemed as good a place as any to leave the wretched thing. Death and anger seemed to have melted into the metal, giving it an unpleasant aura. 

He took a small amount of time to explore his new home. It was truly beautiful here. Grassy plains stretched as far as the horizon, and in the distance he could see what looked like a small mountain. The river flowed through the forest for some distance before entering a large glistening lake. There were signs of game in the woods, and many of the trees bore fruit. He did not recognize many of them, but it wouldn’t take long to learn which he could eat.  

It was close to midday by the time he had finished his survey, and the sun was high in the cerulean sky.  From the angle of the shadows cast by some of the larger trees, he had several hours of daylight left with which to make a shelter for the night. He made his way back to the transport to collect the few supplies he had acquired on the jungle planet. Kylo knew he could simply sleep on the transport until he constructed adequate housing, but a part of his recoiled at the thought of spending another night aboard the vessel. 

He settled on a spot a reasonable distance from the forest. With a sigh he set his belongings and supplies down on the grass. With a short piece of leather, Kylo tied his long hair back from his face. This done, he rolled up his long black sleeves and set to work. 

His saber proved to be incredibly efficient when it came to cutting lumber for the structure, and with the aid of the force he was able to use parts he found on the transport for nails and bolts. Several hours later, as the sun was beginning to set, Kylo stepped back to look at his handiwork. His lips pulled up into a pleased smile. 

The cabin was small and simple, but it was enough for him.  

He slept that night on the floor, with his newly purchased blankets wrapped tightly around him to ward off the evening chill. It was hardly comfortable and the darkness was almost total within the windowless cabin, but for the first time in many years he was almost happy. 

The next day he rose with the first light, dressing quickly before heading out into the wilderness beyond. With every passing minute he felt more and more content. There were signs of lige all arounf him. There were colorful birds who flew from above him, their songs sweet and alluring. The small mammals who made their homes in the forest peeked out at him from their various hideaways. 

He encountered a strange animal on his way back to the cabin. The beast was relatively large and covered in a soft white fur. It growled as he approached, bearing large yellow teeth, but Kylo didn’t so much as flinch. 

That night, he slept wrapped in the animal’s pelt, and was considerably more comfortable.  

Days passed by. His small home became increasingly comfortable as he improved it. Soon there was a small bed pressed against a wall, soft furs covering the floor, and a table with two chairs pushed in on either side. Kylo was preparing for another day of exploration when he felt, rather than heard another aircraft enter the planet's atmosphere. With a start, he jumped up from his place on the bed, grabbing his saber as he ran out the door. He felt something strange in the force, but there was no trace of darkness. Kylo kept his saber in his hand, but did not draw it. When at last he reached the now landed craft, the intruding pilot had jumped down from the cockpit. A power seemed to flow from the man. It felt light and warm, like a summer wind. Kylo shuddered as the man's energy wrapped around him, sending a small surge of electricity through his body. The intruder wore a pair of dark pants and a crisp white shirt with a dark jacket drapped across his broad shoulders. He did not carry a saber, but there was a small blaster secured to his hip. When at last the man turned to face him, Kylo felt yet another wave of shock blow through him.

It was the pilot from Jakku.  

Kylo watched almost frozen as the handsome man approached him. The pilot-Poe Dameron, his mind supplied- looked almost elated. His brown eyes sparkled like the sun on the lake as he looked Kylo up and down.

“You must be Ben then. You have no idea how long I've spent looking for you buddy.” the pilot's voice was richer than he remembered it. His face, which had been clean shaven on the destroyer, was now covered in the dark stubble. Dameron drew closer, seemingly oblivious to the scrutiny he was under. “God, it has been one hell of a hard time getting out here, but it looks like the stranger came through!” The pilot sounded almost disbelieving now, but his smile remained full and bright. “Well Ben, tell me what the problem is, ‘cause apparently-” Before he could finish his thought, Kylo drew his saber, pointing it at the approaching pilot’s chest. The runaway apprentice watched as the pilot's expressive eyes gazed down at the glowing red blade before him. Kylo knew that the other man was close enough to feel the heat radiating from the weapon.  

“How do you know that name?” Kylo growled, his brown eyes burning with rage. Who was this man that he dared to use that name here? 

The look on the other man’s face might have been comical if the force-wilder hadn’t been so angry. Dameron’s eyes widened, jaw literally dropping in a look of sheer disbelief. Then, the pilot did the unthinkable. He laughed. It started as a quiet giggle and then morphed into full out hysterical cackling.

Kylo stood frozen in place, saber still pointed at the man who looked as if he might collapse from the force of his laughter. What the hell was wrong with the man? Did the pilot not realize how close he was to death? Kylo’s rage continued to bubble up within him, yet he made no move to harm the other man. That calming energy washed over him once again, staying his now shacking hands. 

When at last the fit had subsided, Poe Dameron wiped the tears of mirth from his eyes, before looking up at the man before him. 

“I’m sorry. I just..so this is the evil, menacing, Kylo Ren? This is the man who legitimately terrified every single member of the resistance and the first order?” For a second it seemed to Kylo as if Dameron was on the brink of another fit, but the pilot help himself together. He continued again, voice full of some nameless emotion halfway between despair and amusement. 

“I should have known something was wrong with this whole thing. God and that guy, ‘Go find Ben, Poe. You’re his only hope.’” This was said in a put-on somber tone, clearly intended to be a mockery of someone, although Kylo hadn’t the faintest idea who. “I was expecting some lost little kid or a helpless old man, or something.” The pilot seemed to get more hysterical with every word. “ Maybe a handsome prince, a damsel in distress. For fucks sake, I literally flew myself out here to the end of the goddamn universe, left all my friends and comrades, and almost got mugged, and what do I get for my trouble? Kylo-motherfucking-Ren! Or I’m sorry, should I have said Kylo-motherfucking-Ben?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all liked it! Next chapter will focus on Poe and will go through and beyond the last scene of this chapter. Comments are always appreciated!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe's side of the story. The beginning of something even more dangerous than the resistance pilot has ever face before.

Poe left the smugglers town with a bag full of supplies, new clothes on his back, and a renewed sense of uncertainty. BB-8 had sped off to the ship a few hours ago, preferring to wait on the now refueled ship while it’s master concluded his business. He couldn’t say he blamed the little droid, for he also longed to be back in the sky again. However, even his wanderlust could be delayed by the need for new clothes. His flight suit had not held up well, the trek through the jungle leaving it torn, frayed, and most of all, incredibly dirty. Poe Dameron did not consider himself to be a vain man, but everyone had their limits. 

They had spent the night before in a small room above the bar. The bartender- Halt- had refused Poe’s offer of payment, simply saying that the pilot had better hold on to whatever money had in case he had need of it. Poe had been somewhat surprised but not enough to overshadow the gratitude he felt at the other man’s kindness. Halt had asked him questions about his childhood on Yavin 4 and his adventures with the resistance. Poe had been happy to share his stories, feeling as if it was the least he could do for his generous host.

The green eyed man seemed to be entranced by the stories of grand battles between good and bad and narrow escapes from death.  However, even though his stories took shape in black and white, Poe knew that there was more to it than that. He had seen many strange things in his time. He had seen good people turn bad, and watched as those whom he had always thought to be the enemy proved themselves to be more valiant than anyone he had ever met. 

 

As he walked through the lush green vegetation, his mind turned back to the  Kylo Ren. Something about the whole thing felt wrong to him. There was no reason for the first order, let alone such a powerful force-wielder to be in this hell hole. Sure, the smugglers town was a good place to find criminals and stolen goods, but it was far too insignificant of a hideaway to warrant the First Order’s interest. 

The evening before, BB-8 had scanned through recent resistance transmissions. There had been no word of any First Order ships headed towards the rim. No, he thought, Ren must have come alone.

It wasn’t very surprising. In fact, most intelligence reports had suggested that Snoke’s right hand man would often venture out on solo missions. After all, It wasn’t like the knight needed any protection. Hell, Poe had seen first hand just how adept at defending himself Ren was. For a man who could stop blaster fire like it was nothing, and literally kill his enemies where they stood, there was little to fear.  

For a moment, he considered that maybe Ren had been sent out here to find Ben. From what Poe had felt on the destroyer, and again that night in his room, surely Ben must be a strong force-wilder as well. There was no other way he could exert his power over such a long distance. His eyes widened in horror. Maybe Ren had been ordered to bring Ben over to the darkside. It would fit. “But,” he whispered, “then why would he have sent me?” There was nothing Poe could do if Ren was truly coming for Ben, so therefore it would have made no sense for the stranger to send him. With a sigh, he pushed the thought from his mind.

Insects chirped and sang within their leafy hideaways. The sun was close to setting and as a result the sky was a deep orange red. The wet heat had dissipated as the day went on, but its grip had not entirely loosened. It mixed with the perfume of thousands of plants, the heady aroma making him feel almost entranced as he continued towards his craft. The pilot trudged on in silence, until he heard the tell tale snap of a twig in the underbrush. He was not alone.  

Poe paused, hand drifting down to his blaster as he cast his gaze warily through the mist.  “Come out. Whoever you are, I am really not in the mood for this,” the pilot shouted. After a long day of bartering and hiking, he was in no mood to deal with the likes of Jasper or whatever other idiot was following him.

Poe heard a laugh somewhere to his right, and turned just in time to see the stranger from the dessert emerge from behind a large plant. With a dry chuckle, Poe dropped his hand from where it had rested on his blaster. 

“You know, we have got to stop running into each other like this. If I didn’t know better, I would start to think you were stalking me, or that you were just a hallucination and I made this whole goddamn thing up to get out of canteen duty.” The pilot smiled at the stranger, although it was more of an irritated grimace than anything else. How the man had managed to find him out here in the middle of the jungle probably should have concerned him, but as the seconds passed, Poe found he really didn’t care. A voice in the back of his mind growled that he was running out of time. But running out of time for what?

The stranger smiled in return, quickly closing the distance between them. He was still wearing those ridiculous heavy robes, despite the jungle heat. However, once he was about arms length from the pilot the other man just stopped. They stood there in silence for what felt like a millennia before Poe finally cracked. 

“So, can I help you? Was there something you needed to tell me or were you planning on letting me wander aimlessly around the galaxy until I stumbled across…” Poe trailed off, irritation beginning to reach its peak. For every second he stood there, it was another second that Kylo Ren might have to get closer to Ben. 

The stranger tilted his head, blue eyes turning considering once more as he gazed at the pilot.

“I am here to ensure that you continue on the correct path, Poe Dameron.” The man’s tone was even and airy. He sounded, the pilot thought, the way someone from a dream or a half-forgotten memory would.  “You are not far from that which you seek, although it would seem your journey is far from over. ” 

“Goddamn it, we're still doing this mystical routine,” the pilot ground out. “I have an idea! How about you just tell me what you want me to do, so we don’t have to stand around in this awful heat any longer than we have to?”  _ And so I can get to Ben before anything bad happens to him. _ Thankfully, the pilot was able to keep the last thought from coming out of his mouth.   

For a split second, the stranger looked almost taken aback by the force of emotion behind the pilot’s words, but his shock soon turned to thinly veiled amusement. “I think, my friend, that I shall,” said the stranger. He still seemed to glow with a dim light, as he had in the desert, but the pilot was beyond caring at this point. When at last the Man had finished imparting his directions, Poe was so filled with his desire to set off that he almost sprinted back to his fighter then and there. Thankfully, he managed to muttered a quiet ‘thank you,’ before doing so. As he ran, a shiver ran through him. Poe had noticed something frighteningly ‘approving’ about the way the man had looked at him. He didn’t like it. 

 

 

Poe landed on the small planet about three days later. The stranger’s instructions had been incredibly precise. He had given the rebel a set of coordinates, which now revealed themselves to be the location of a small clearing towards the edge of a large wood. The sky above was a deep blue, the shade of which, took him back to the long afternoons spent gazing up at the clouds. Hunting for shapes in the puffs of white. He heard the sound of BB-8 lowering itself to the ground. The droid whirled off into the woods without a pause, but Dameron remained in his seat. The urgency he had felt on the jungle world had subsided the moment he landed. It had given way to something almost near contentment- but not quite.

With a metallic hiss, the roof of the cockpit swung up. Poe basked in the warmth of the sun, slowly breathing in the crisp, clean air around him. He loved to be in space, he really did, but after almost two weeks of travel, two days of which he had spent in soul crushing humidity, he wanted to enjoy the feeling of a cool breeze against his cheeks. 

With a small smile, the pilot wondered who ‘Ben’ could be to have such an effect on him. Who could he be that he needed Poe Dameron to fly himself to the end of the universe for him? Who was this ‘Ben’ that Poe had actually flown himself to the end of the universe, instead of laughing in the stranger’s smug face. 

At long last, he finally clambered out of the cockpit, dropping with the grace of a cat onto the green grass below. There was always something wonderful about the feel of solid ground beneath your feet after a long flight. He was about to go off in search of BB-8 when he heard the sharp intake of breath behind him. 

Poe turned, to see a strikingly beautiful man standing a few yards away. His face seemed to be a combination of ill fitting parts, and yet in combination they were stunning. The pilot watched as the breeze caught a few locks of long, dark brown hair making them dance like flames. The sunlight seemed to bend around his tall, lean figure, bathing him in an ethereal glow. A pair of shining eyes, stared into his own with such intense focus that Poe felt almost transfixed by them. All of his musings on who he would find waiting for him suddenly seemed hollow and idiotic. His theories about lost little princes, or decrepit old men were struck from his mind by the vision of power before him. He felt that power to. It washed over him like a tidal wave, and his smile grew even wider. There was no doubt in his mind as to who this man could be. The energy which radiated from him was unmistakable.

“You must be Ben then. You have no idea how long I've spent looking for you buddy!” Poe could hardly contain the elation he felt. He had finally done it, even though this vision, was hardly the man he had expected to find waiting for him. “God, it has been one hell of a hard time getting out here, but it looks like the stranger came through!” Poe smiled again at the thought. Despite the irritation he had felt during their last interaction, he would definitely have to thank the stranger should he chose to appear once again. The pilot was so caught up in the rush of his happiness at having finally completed his quest, that he did not notice the way the young man tensed at the name. 

“Well Ben, tell me what the problem is, ‘cause apparently-” before he could finish, he heard the tell tale sound of a light saber being unsheathed.  

Poe froze. A part of him knew, even before his eyes slowly drifted down to the blade at his chest, that it was the blood red blade of Kylo Ren’s Saber.  

After that, it all happened in a blur.  

He laughed. He cried. His sides burning with the sheer force of his laughter. He spoke. He yelled. 

Then, without warning he crumpled to the ground. The small clearing fading to black before him as Kylo Ren sheathed his saber and lifted a large elegant hand. 

 

 

Poe woke to the sight of a wooden roof. The dark wood linked together in perfectly straight lines above his head. The craftsmanship was excellent, he thought hazily, as his eyes drifted shut once more. A soft fur blanket had been thrown over him and someone seemed to have removed his boots. He curled his toes, enjoying the way the soft blanket brushed against his bare feet. The warmth of the furs and the calming scent of pine and a spicy musk enveloped him as he curled up under the blanket. Outside a bird was singing. It was perfect.

For the first time since his capture on Jakku, the pilot felt content, or at least he did until he suddenly became aware the burning gaze fixed upon his back. His eyes flew open, as that the events of the previous day flashed through his mind like an electric shock. He felt his heart drop as he came to the realization that there was only one person to whom that glare could belong.   

With a low groan, Poe Dameron, rolled over to face Kylo Ren. 

Ren was sat on one side of a small wooden table. His long legs were crossed, one over the other, sun from a small window once again illuminating him from behind. Poe wasn’t above admitting that he was pretty gorgeous, for a mass murderer. Ren looked different without the heavy robes he had worn upon the destroyer, but no less menacing. The long hair which he had admired yesterday was swept back from his face, tucked behind large ears. The force-wielder had clearly turned his chair to face the small bed. His deep eyes were cold and calculating, but his hands betray his nerves. In his left hand the knight was holding a tarnished metal disk. Poe watched with  no small amount of curiosity as the young man ran a thumb over it in small, precise circles. There was something mesmerizing about the motions of the slim digit. The pilot made no move to rise. In fact he didn’t move at all. Instead, he lay there with his head resting on the soft fur beneath him.

From where he lay, Poe swiftly cast his eyes around the small cabin. Everything was simple and orderly. In fact, nothing but the chair currently occupied by the Ren seemed to have be out of place. So, _ this is what a psychopath’s home looks like. _ The pilot’s brown eyes narrowed slightly at the sight of the second empty chair, but there was hardly any sign of Kylo Ren living here, so the likelihood of a second resident was slim. He saw no sign of BB-8. Hopefully the little droid had stayed hidden in the forest, for he had not doubt that Ren would have made short work of it.  

His eyes returned to the knight, who was still motionless except for the one tracing digit.

“So..” Poe said, eyes wary as he looked at the man before him, “what now?” There were so many meanings to those two little words.  _ Will you kill me? Why am I here? Are you Ben? Are you Kylo Ren? Are you both? Why are you here? Why am I here? What’s going on? Why was I sent for you? Why didn’t you just kill me in the clearing? What do you want from me?.  _ Poe didn’t ask any of these things. He didn’t need to. The force-wielder had no doubt heard all of those questions flash through his mind already.

From his chair, Kylo Ren continued to study him, thumb still tracing circles on the little metal disk. Poe waited patiently. He knew that there would be a response eventually- there had to be. At long last, Ren spoke, his voice just as powerful without the mask as it was with it. Yet, without the mask it was also rich and dulcet, almost hypnotizing. 

“I honestly have no idea,” Ren whispered thoughtfully. Poe watched with a mixture of horror and amazement as the corners of the other man’s lips turned up into a small, sad smile. 

“Well…. Fuck,” sighed Poe.   

Kylo nodded in agreement.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter! I was a little unsure how to start it, but I'm relatively pleased with the way it turned out. Poe just stresses me out sometimes and I want to like jump in and explain things to him. I have loved reading your lovely comments and hope that you will continue to give me you feed back as it is definitely very motivating. 
> 
> P.S. next chapter will continue the conversation at the end of this one, because obviously they have a lot more to say.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo starts catching feelings and is decidedly displeased by it. Poe is tired, angry, and confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Guys! I am sorry that this chapter has taken so long, but I had a really hard time deciding how I wanted to write their first real interaction since Poe discovered that he found Kylo instead of the "ben" guy he was looking for. The next chapter is going to be a lot longer and lead us up to the more fun aspects of the creation of a relationship, but I needed to get a feel for how the two of them interacted before I could really get going. I think I have that now, so I will try and get the next chapter done ASAP. I really hope you guys are still enjoying this story and thank you for your kudos, bookmarks, comments, and (most importantly) patience.

With a roar, he unsheathed his saber, slashing wildly at the first thing his burning eyes fell upon. Kylo threw himself into the abyss of his anger. The sense of calm and serenity he had reached after his few short days on this planet had been undone in moments.  Shattered by the man he had left behind.

This had been his sanctuary, the start of a new life, a chance at happiness. Now it was tainted, broken the second the pilot had jumped out of his fighter and smiled at Kylo.  He felt the once welcomed feeling of rage coursing through him, although instead of propping him up as it had once done, the emotion seemed to blow through him like a cyclone. It left him feeling hollow, like a plaster imitation of himself. He screamed again. He yelled louder and louder until his voice grew rough and cracked. It didn’t matter, he was so far away by now that there was no chance of the pilot hearing him.   

No. Poe Dameron would not be here to see the destruction he had wrought. With a broken sob, Kylo feel to his knees. Strong hands reached up, clawing away at his sweaty clothes. They suddenly felt so tight, constricting. He winced as his long nails left raised red marks along his back and shoulders, yet he could not stop. He felt as though there were insects burrowing below his skin, he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. Every pump of his heart was agony.

Dameron had done this to him. The dark haired man had crawled into his mind, his body, and started to twist his organs into knots. He felt the cool earth underneath him as he fell forwards, until his forehead made contact with the soft forest floor. Dark green moss spread out like a carpet beneath him, its earthy scent trying to break through his clouded sense. Long fingers dug into it, tearing it up by its tenuous roots. His pale skin looked almost ghostly against the dark colors of the forest.

His lean body shook with the force of each dry sob. He had no tears to cry, although his eyes burned all the same. Kylo felt as though he were unraveling. The light and the dark within in him being mangled and melded together only to fray into nothingness like a worn piece of cloth. Never before had he felt so utterly lost.

“I should have killed him when I had the chance,” he whispered. His tone was soft, his confession so silent that it could have been lost on the wind. Yet, it was true. He should have killed the pilot the moment he had found the location of that map. Kylo should have never allowed him to set foot here, for his coming had brought with it the end of everything.

The tall trees looked down at the broken man at their feet, their bark now bearing the markings of his fury- his terror. It would take years for many of these wounds to fade, and for many would bare the scars for as long as they lived.  

 

_Kylo watched in shock as the other man had collapsed down onto the green grass below. It was as if he had watched the scene through another’s eyes, only realizing that it was his own hand raising to knock out the other man after it was done. Blood rushed through his ears, the world seeming to expand and contract as he stood above the relaxed form of the rebel pilot. Thick black hair was fanned out amongst the blades of grass. His handsome face, before so contorted by emotions, was now so serene.  He looked so at peace that it was almost overwhelming._

_Without quite realising what he was doing, Kylo knelt down beside the pilot. With a long finger he carefully pushed a strand of hair from the other man’s face. The same courageous digit slid down to trace a sharp jaw line._

_He had thought to kill him. In fact every fiber of his body demanded that he do so, and yet he could not bare to extinguish the warm light radiating from the other man’s soul. No matter that it was what needed to be done._

_So he sat until the sun began to threaten to set. With a sigh he lifted the map in his arm, and with some considerable difficulty began the slow walk back to his cabin._

 

With difficulty he rose from where he knelt. The chill was starting to set in and he still had a task to complete before he returned home- before he returned to Dameron.

  _"Well Fuck"_

_They sat there in silence for a beat after that. Kylo was struck by the way the other man’s eyes burned and shifted until they looked like pools of molten amber. As much as he longed to look away, there was something which held his gaze there. Suddenly it was all too much. The wooden walls seemed to draw in around them, crushing the air out of his lungs. It felt hot, each breath seemed heavier, harder._

_With a jolt, Kylo shot up from his seat, automatically feeling the sore pain that would always come with remaining seated for too long.  He pushed his physical discomfort aside, too focused on the need to leave this place. He grabbed his saber from where it lay by his feet, strapping it to his belt. The knight needed to escape, needed to feel the fresh morning air fill his lungs like a cooling draft of water after months in the desert heat. Dameron made no sound, although through even through his own distracted haze Kylo could feel the pilot’s shock radiating off him in waves.  Kylo didn’t care. He couldn’t care. He was drowning._

_Without sparing a single glance at the shell shocked looking man in his bed, Kylo strode through the cabin door. It slammed loudly behind him._

_He had gone about five steps when the wooden door was flung open once again._

_“Where the hell do you think you’re going!’ came the shocked, yet distinctly enraged growl. “You can’t just get up and storm out like that! What the hell are you thinking?” Poe paused, as if he was waiting for a reply. His breath was coming out in angry puffs._

_The shock had vanished. It was now replaced with an angry warmth that mirrored the energy he felt coursing through his own body. The way the other man’s power intertwined itself with his own, melding into something euphoric, was almost intoxicating. The force was telling him something. Telling him to stay perhaps, or maybe it was nothing but his own imagination._

_Kylo turned slowly on his heel to face the pilot. Poe’s hair was a mess, pieces of it sticking out at odd angles.  Even in the pale morning light, the man’s golden skin seemed to shine like molten gold. The pilot’s eyes widened slightly. Perhaps he had not expected the other man to stay. The look of surprise was short lived, and soon his face returned to its mask of irritation._

_“Well? Where the hell are you  going, you crazy asshole?” The last part seemed slightly forced, as if the pilot thought he needed to insult him because it was expected of him. There was none of the biting force behind which should have accompanied such an epithet._

_“Out.”_

_It seemed best to keep this interaction as short as possible. Not hours ago, Kylo had sat there watching the man sleep, and wondering whether or not he should kill him. Going from that to whatever this was, was not something the force-wielder needed right now. He needed to get away from here, before he did something he might regret.  Dameron, however, was clearly not pleased with his monosyllabic response._

_“Out?” Kylo watched as the black haired man raised on perfectly shaped eyebrow. The pilot’s tone was the same dangerous mixture of amusement, shock, and rage as it had been in the clearing yesterday._

_“Yes. I’m going hunting.”_

_“You’re going...hunting?” There was a distinctly manic undertone in his rich voice now . His eyes had widened to an almost comical size, growing darker. “First you're going to kill me. Then you knock me out. Then you tuck me into your bed and fucking stare at me all night, and now what? You’ve just gotten tired of terrorizing me so instead you're going to walk off into the woods and kill some small furry animal that doesn’t deserve it?”_

_Dameron was visibly shaking with fury now, although he had made no move towards Kylo._

_Growing tired of this idiocy, Kylo began to raise his hand. Yes, he could just compel the other man to turn around and walk back into the cabin, but he really wasn’t in the mood to fight through the other man’s defenses right now. Not to say he was keen on having to carry an unconscious Dameron to his bed again, but at least an unconscious Dameron wouldn’t be able to put up a fight. Kylo was a fraction of a second from exerting the energy required to do just that, when he was halted by a wave of ice cold anger._

_“Don’t you dare knock me out.” Poe’s voice was an icy hiss now. “Don’t you goddamn dare try that shit with me again Ben, Ren, whatever your name is. If you do, I will literally strangle the life out of you with my bare hands.”_

_Now it was Kylo’s turn to raise one perfectly arched eyebrow. Both of them knew that the force-wielder was perfectly capable of doing whatever he wanted to the pilot.  Despite himself couldn’t help but feel a small twinge of admiration. Not many dared stand up to him, much less those who had no real way of defending themselves against his powers._

_“Now.” Poe seemed to recover from his own shock. “Where are you really going?’_

_“Hunting. I am able to sustain myself for days on the force alone. However, unless there is something you have neglected to tell me, I doubt you have the same...ability. So, I am going to  find you something to eat. You look exhausted. Get back to bed before my patience runs out and I knock you out and put you there myself.”  It took a great deal of control to keep his voice even without the aid of the mask._

_A series of expressions ran across the other man’s face as Kylo watched. The former apprentice didn’t even need to pry into the rebels mind in order to tell what he was thinking. The pilot went from surprised at his sincere tone, to confused at the idea that once could live off the force, to angry at the insinuation that he needed Kylo to take care of him, and finally to resigned irritation as he realized that the only rational course of action was to do as Ren said._

_Once it was clear that the rebel had made his decision, and that it was what Kylo had desired it to be, the knight turned away. The desire to get away from the other man was almost overwhelming now._

_However, Dameron, true to character, could not resist getting the last word._

_“Fine. Whatever. Go kill something to make yourself feel better then. I don’t even care any more. Maybe now I'll finally be able to get a bit of sleep without you looming over me like the grim reaper,” he shouted at Kylo’s retreating figure. This statement was followed by the sound of the cabin door being slammed shut._

 

It had been a relatively easy task to find a meal for them. After he had gathered his senses and begun to focus himself on his objective, Kylo had reached out with the force. The forest was almost silent now, and yet it was teeming with like. He felt energy radiating around him, enveloping and encompassing every living thing. It was not long before he felt a medium sized presence. It was about eighty feet ahead of him, hidden somewhere in the greenery. With a slight contraction, he closed his own mind around the creature’s like a vice, squeezing the life out of it until it fell dead.   

The animal felt no pain. It’s death had been quick and painless. Despite what Dameron thought of him, he was not so cruel as to prolong the creature's death for his own pleasure. His lips curved up in a small smirk as his mind ran back to the countless destroyed consoles aboard the destroyer. No, when he wanted to truly let out his anger he found it much more satisfying to destroy something which would not cease to exist after one stroke from his saber. General Hux had been well aware of the fact, and thus had never said a word about his penchant for destroying equipment. Better to replace machinery than men.

He slung his kill over his shoulder and began the long walk back home.

When at last he reached the cabin the sun had almost set. Everything was bathed in the orangey-pink light which before yesterday had brought him so much peace, but now left him feeling nervous. Dameron would be waiting for him, of this he was certain.

The pilot must have followed his orders and gotten some rest, for the exhaustion he had felt within the other man had disappeared. All he felt now as he reached out to touch the other’s mind was determination. Kylo shuddered as Dameron’s thoughts flooded his mind.

The man wanted answers. He wanted to know about Ben. He wanted to know why he had been brought here. He wanted to know about a nameless stranger from  Jakku. He wanted to know why he was still alive instead of buried in a shallow grave in the forest. He wanted to know why the man behind the mask was so different from the one whom he had found here. He wanted to know why Ren had cared for him, had brought him into his home, and watched over him with dark eyes that flickered with a hint of compassion-

Kylo withdrew himself from the pilot's mind as if burned. Compassion? Dameron thought that he, Kylo Ren, was so weak that he would fall prey to a pair of pretty eyes and an attractive face. “Compassion,” he hissed under his breath.  Something about the word set his teeth on edge.

Kylo Ren was many things, caring was not one of them. Was the other man so deluded that he believed that someone who would kill his own father, destroy planets, and torture innocents could possibly have any trace of something so soft within them?

He almost laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of such a notion. No, He had had every trace of that emotion beaten out of him first by Skywalker, then by Snoke. Ben solo had been ‘compassionate.’ He had been caring, kind, curious, capable of love and other such feelings. But Ben Solo was dead.

It was this reassuring thought which finally moved the force-wielder from his place outside the cabin. Without any further hesitation, Kylo Ren stepped up onto the small porch and opened the door.  

**Poe Dameron was waiting for him.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is really not a happy bunny right now...I know he might seem kind of all over the place but it's mostly because he has gone for EVER living with the emotional range of a teaspoon, and still kinda refuses to feel emotions other than anger.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Poe have a little bit of a chat. It disintegrates incredibly quickly.

Poe had been sitting in the surprisingly comfortable chair for some time now, waiting for Ren to return from his little expedition. He had actually chosen to sleep for some time, although it had nothing to do with the fact that the other had commanded him to do so. No, Poe knew he would need to recover the strength which would no doubt be needed for whatever happened next. A clear head was a requirement when dealing with someone as unstable as the knight.

Outside, the sky had begun to darken as the sun made its way down towards the horizon. Poe had heard the telltale sound of the other man approaching, but it had been several minutes, and Ren had made no move to enter the cabin. Everything was so still and silent as Poe waited, his mind reviving the list of questions he had developed over the course of the past few hours.  

Ren wasn’t going to kill him. He was relatively sure of this by now, but as for what that meant, he had no idea. It had been a shock to find himself in what was clearly Ren’s bed, with the other man staring down at him. Ren must have carried his unconscious body from the clearing to his home. The idea of a mass murderer bringing him home and tucking him into his bed would have been amusing if it were purely hypothetical and not factual. But everything about this whole situation was far too real for his liking.  

At long last the cabin door creaked open, and the object of his reflection strode inside. Poe looked the other man up and down, but saw no evidence of him actually having caught something for them to eat. Not that this surprised him in the slightest. Poe had known that that whole thing about needing to hunt was bullshit. The taller man had probably just wanted to put as much distance between the two of them as possible.

“It’s outside,” Kylo said, his voice carefully empty of emotion.

Poe was pulled from his thoughts with a shock. “What?” he sputtered. Kylo stayed neutral, although there was a brief flash of amusement in his eyes as Poe took in the blood covered hand he had raised as evidence.  

“I left the meat outside. It's in a refrigeration unit I took off of the transport I brought here. I assumed that you would not be interested in watching me butcher it in here. Besides I have no desire to get blood on the floor.” The way he said it was so matter of fact, that the pilot was almost moved to nod in understanding. It made sense, although how the other had managed to divest an animal of it's skin without making the least bit of noise, he had no idea.

"I see you've made the bed," Ren said with a short nod in the direction of the aforementioned. "You don't seem the type," he added after a moment, his voice slightly rougher than it had been before.

Poe wasn’t really sure how to respond to that, and so decided to remain silent and instead gesture at the already pulled out chair across from him. With a sigh, Ren settled himself down in the chair opposite him, removing a thin rag of cloth from some hidden pocket. Poe sat transfixed as the other man slowly, and painstakingly scrubbed the traces of blood off of each elegant finger. He wasn't sure how much time they spent like this, sitting in silence while the Ren cleaned the gradually browning liquid from his white skin. It felt like an eternity, and yet Poe still felt unsure. He never knew which of them was supposed to speak first. 

If anyone had any explaining to do, it was Ren. However, after about two minutes of continued silence, it was becoming very clear to Poe that Kylo had no intention of being the first one to talk. Poe became sickeningly aware that if he didn't say anything, they were in danger of spending the whole night staring at each other, each waiting for the other to make his move. Kylo seemed to sense this realization, and slowed his movements even more. Poe watched as the knight began the process anew on the still dirty hand.  

“When you're quite finished with that can we talk?” Poe tried to keep the irritation out of his voice, but was finding it increasingly difficult. Whatever mind game the force-wielder was trying to play with him right now ,it was doing nothing but flaming the fires on the anger the pilot felt at having this discussion put off for so long. Regardless of how much he disliked it, Poe knew that he had no power here. He could do nothing without the acquiescence of the man across from him, and he was quickly growing tired of it.

Ren placed the rag down on the table in front of him, brown eyes finally rising to meet Poe’s.

Ren was clearly taking care to keep his face a mask of perfect neutrality, revealing nothing of whatever was going through his mind. His thick hair was loose, but pushed back from his freckled face. The warm light of the cabin made strange shadows glance across those glassy, dark eyes of his. They gave away nothing. It was breathtaking.

That being said, Poe was under no delusions about what the man who sat before him was capable of: torture, murder, destruction of civilization itself. Even though he truly doubted that Ren wanted to kill him, the chance that the force-wilder might change his mind was uncomfortably large. Ren was unstable, volatile. Even if Poe had not witnesses the extent of his lack of control while aboard the star killer, he would have felt it. The energy radiating from Ren, was as strong as harsh as it had been in the torture chamber, elemental and angry like a crashing sea. Poe felt as if, if he wasn’t careful that current would pull him under, and he would be crushed by its force. However, there was something underlying it now which Poe had not felt before, something new.

“Yes. I suppose we have quite a few things to ‘discuss’, don’t we?” Ren’s tone was distinctly at ease, a tinge of amusement running through it. With a slight shudder, Poe watched as the other leaned back into his chair even further, broad shoulders relaxing. Even though they sat now at about the same level, the other man still managed to look down at him. Those eyes burned into him in the same way a predator would look at its prey. That's what Kylo Ren was, a panther toying with its captured prey before it devoured it. The pilot suddenly wanted to jump across the table and shake him. He wanted nothing more than to watch that mask of calm slip off Ren’s face, make him feel the unease currently running through Poe like a wildfire.

“What the fuck is so goddamn funny, Ren?” Poe practically spat out the words, which finally broke the other’s composure. With a smirk Ren raised his hand to his freckled face, carding his fingers through his thick hair, before tapping his temple lightly with the tip of his fore finger.

“You think I actually need to speak to you, rebel? Everything I want to know is there in your head, ready for me to take whenever I want it.” There was a pause, and his face broke out into a positively wicked smile. “You should know from personal experience that I can and will take whatever I want from you.”

Poe did not allow himself to rise to this obvious and somewhat childish provocation. Instead he focused more intently on the currents of energy flowing off of Ren. It only took him a second to identify what had seemed different about the force-wielder. He was afraid. Poe was certain of it now. That undercurrent was growing ever stronger in the other’s energy as Poe refused to respond to his challenge.

The realization hit the pilot like a blast of cold air. Kylo Ren feared where this conversation would lead if allowed to start. He was afraid of Poe Dameron.

"It would be nothing. I could turn your mind into mush with just a simple thought." Ren's voice was a dark purr, but his eyes betrayed him. HIs words were empty and they both knew it. Poe saw his opening, and he took it.

“But you won’t, will you? You won’t reach into my head because you know full well that I’ll just force my way into yours,” he paused,” and that’s what you’re afraid of isn’t it? You don’t want me to see what you have tried so hard to lock away.”

Kylo’s eyes widened, his face contorting with rage and then open fear, yet he did not move, seemingly frozen in place. Poe pressed his advantage, not wanting to let this slip away- whatever the hell it was.

“I glimpsed your innermost self haven’t I Ren? When I broke through your walls on the star killer? I saw the lightness in you and it scared you didn’t it? I saw the frightened boy hiding behind that ridiculous mask.” Poe watched as a shudder rant through the other man. Ren looked horrified, his already pale skin now a ghostly white. Part of him, the more logical part, wondered at the change in the other man. There was no way that his words alone could cause such devastation. It didn’t matter. He pressed on, pushed by some unnamed force.

“ I saw him, didn’t I? I saw Ben Solo. I saw him and his father at that lake. You loved that place didn’t you? I could feel it, you know, the love, the warmth that coursed through your body. I felt it all pass through you. I felt the life coursing through you.  You think that you are the only one with power here, Kylo Ren, but you are wrong.” He lowered his voice until it was almost a whisper, leaning closer. Without seeming to realize what he was doing, Kylo mirrored him. “Now, you will answer my questions. You will answer them clearly and truthfully. You will explain why I was sent all the way out here to find you, and you will stay out of my head for good. Unless, I invite you in.” They were so close now, there fore heads almost touching over the small table top. “Or, I will bring those thick stone walls you have build around your mind crashing down around you, and wait to see what emerges from the wreckage.”

With that he pulled away, settling back to watch the effect of his harsh words. Ren looked shell shocked, lost as his mouth fell slack. Poe wondered what would happen next. Would that current of rage he felt threatening to reassert itself roar its ugly head? No, apparently it wouldn’t. After a moment, Kylo seemed to pull himself into order, eyes drifting back into focus.

“What do you want to know?” All of the bravado was gone now. The man before him now was a far cry from the man in the mask who had tried to break him in that torture chamber. He looked almost impossibly young. There was no doubt in his mind, that Poe was sitting across from the same lost man who had greeted him in the clearing not too long ago.

“I want to know who you are, and why I was sent here to save you.”  He had so many things to ask. However, he needed to know once and for all who exactly he was stranded in the place with. He needed a name, a full name.

He watched intently as the other man steeled himself. Ren looked like a man getting ready to cast himself into a bottomless abyss. His eyes fluttered shut, teeth sinking into a full bottom lip. Poe was struck by the agonizing serenity of the picture before him. Ren was so still. He looked almost as if he was deep in prayer, although the  thin trickle of crimson blood running from his punctured lip suggested otherwise.

For a second, Poe thought that he could feel some invisible force pulling tighter around the both of them, bathing them in soothing light. It was so different from the anger and pain which had always radiated from the dark man before him. It was so familiar, and yet completely new.

“My name is Kylo Ren. A long time ago though, I was known as Ben Organa-Solo.” Poe felt his  mouth fall open in a look of shock and horror, but Ren-no-Ben continued speaking as if he didn’t notice.

“I can only assume that you were sent here, Poe Dameron, to save me from myself,” he trailed off, lifting his gaze to meet Poe’s. Whatever thoughts had been buzzing through his mind at the realization that this was the son of his mentor and his hero- who had killed his hero, evaporated under the sheer intensity of those dark eyes. They seemed to burn like the fire of a dying sun.  “Be- because apparently, there is someone out there who thinks that it might not be too late to bring him back from the dead.”   

Ren’s voice was full of an indescribable pain, as if the very thought of redemption was excruciating. Maybe it was. Maybe he was so far gone that the darkness would never relinquish its hold on him.

With the speed of a striking viper, Poe reached forward and grasped one of the other man’s strong hands. The force-wielder tensed, but made no move to pull away. It was his turn to shake, as Poe lifted the callused still slightly bloody hand to his face. Ren’s touch felt cold and rough against his own burning skin.

He was so overwhelmed with the pulsing need to show the other man what he had seen. To dim the white hot pain he felt burning through them the moment their skin connected. He never once stopped looking into Ren’s eyes. The other man was clearly confused by this shift- or maybe it was at how tenderly his pale fingers had curved around Poe’s face. It didn’t matter.

“It’s all there. All of it. Please just...see what you need to, because the two of us are clearly incapable of doing this any other way.” His voice was soft, his smile small and tinged with sadness. Ren looked at him with all of the hungry suspicion of a starving wolf pup separated from its pack, longing for help but to afraid to step out into the light. Poe reached out with his free hand to wipe the thin line of red from Ren’s chin.

With a rush, he felt Kylo Ren slip into his mind, and with an explosion of sensation the light of Ben Solo consumed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> So, this chapter is completely different from what I had originally planned. I started writing it with a distinct plan and then Kylo walked in and was acting like a child and trying to pretend he was unaffected and then everything just fell to pieces. I hope you guys like it, if it sucks I apologize. I really don't know what even happened. Uhgggggg.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo experiences the hell that is Poe Dameron's emotions. Nothing is the same.

**Kylo poured himself into Dameron’s waiting mind, pushing past with no resistance. There was no pain. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, maybe in his life, he was allowed access rather than having to take it. There was no need to take, no need to force, only the warmth of the rebel’s consciousness. The novelty and small degree of comfort that came with this realization dissolved in an instant, as he felt something within the pilot's mind surge towards his presence. He screamed, the sound distorted, as his mind was consumed by a burning pain. With bone crushing force he was pulled down into the stormy depths of Poe’s mind. The same force pressed in around him, closing in until he could feel nothing but its cold strength.**

**Kylo fought it with all his strength. He lashed out with his own power, but to no avail. With each attempt to break free of the rebel’s mind he was only dragged deeper into the swirling darkness of the other man’s memories.**

**It was almost unbearable.**

**He felt all of it. He saw all of it. The past, the present, every feeling and emotion that the other man had ever felt in his entire life forced their way through him like tidal wave. Kylo felt as though the very air was being knocked from his lungs, the blood let from his veins, the strength sapped from every muscle. His insides burned. He felt as though he had been thrown into the very heart of the earth and left to disintegrate to ash-to nothing.**

_ A woman ran her fingers through his hair. His mother. Her eyes were full of joy and life as they gazed down on him. She wore the orange flight suit of a rebellion pilot, her short black hair tied into a messy ponytail at the nape of her neck. The wind caught a few stray strands,  making them dance like trails of sunlight as she knelt down in front of him. “It’s ok, Poe. Mommy, will be back very soon.” He nodded, burying himself tighter into her chest, trying to cloak himself in her warmth. He felt the hot tears trail down his cheeks despite his attempts to hold them in.  He breathed in her comforting scent. The fuel from her fighter, the spiced tea she was so fond of, freshly welded metal. “I don’t want you to go mommy. Please don’t leave me alone again,” he pleaded. His voice a quiet whine, almost drowned out by the sounds of the base. She pulled even tighter towards her, her voice a soothing balm in his ear. “You know why I’ve got to go. This is bigger than me, my love. I love you and I will never, ever leave you alone, but I’ve got to go help those people.” She pulled back a little, so she could look into his now swollen eyes. “You must be brave, Poe. Be brave not only for me, but for the other children. Show them that they have nothing to fear, because you will be there to watch out for them. Protect them.”  _

_ “I will mama,” he hiccupped, his childish voice determined even through the sadness he felt. “I'll take care of them until you get back.”  _

_ She smiled at him, gently wiping his tears away with a calloused thumb. “That’s my boy.” She kissed him gently on the forehead, turning to wave one last time before clambering into her x-wing.  He raised his hand to return the wave, hoping that the mission wouldn’t last too long-  _

**Kylo felt himself resurface. He felt the urge to breathe, to take in oxygen and yet as he felt his lungs begin to fill he was pulled roughly back under.**

_ The market was entirely too crowded. The press of the crowd around him would have been suffocating if it wasn’t so exhilarating. All around him were the sounds of life, commerce, the freedom of the new republic. He wound his way through the throng as best he could, for it was a little like trying to swim against a particularly strong current. He only had a few hours of freedom left before he had to return to the general’s side.   _

_ The only warning he received before he was knocked flat on his back but a rolling hunk of metal was a high pitched beep. A moment later he rose, slightly dazed but otherwise unharmed, from the sandy ground, dusting himself off distractedly.  He heard the same high pitched beep from before, turning to see a little orange and white droid looking sheepishly up at him from where it stood at his side.  The droid, a BB-8 model, beeped up at him apologetically, large black eye clearly scanning for any sort of damage.  _

_ “Its ok. No harm, no foul. Why are you speeding through the streets like a maniac anyway, where’s your master?”  _

_ The droid rolled closer, waiting for the pilot to kneel down before it, before beeping in the most conspiratorial manner.  _

_ “Oh, I see. You ran away from him huh?” The droid beeped in affirmation, adding in a few more details. “Ah. Well, he sounds like a real bastard.” He smiled at the plucky little droid. There was a shout in the distance. BB-8 practically shuddered, and it was so adorable that in that mind Poe made up his mind to do whatever was necessary to get the little droid to freedom.   _

_ “Ill tell you what, little guy. I’m transporting someone off this world in a few hours. I don’t see why we can’t fit one more in the ship-     _

_ They had lost a whole unit today. A rush of anger flew though him, and with a shout he struck out, his fist nearly going through the clay walls. He pulled it away, falling to his knees. So lost, was he that he barely notices the warm liquid dripping from his broken hand onto the floor. He couldn't save them, he couldn't- _

_ He looked down at the wounded boy before him. Long blonde hair was matted together with blood and dust, green eyes struggling to stay open. Poe dropped his helmet and walked carefully through the debris. He came to a stop at the child’s side, kneeling down on the blood spattered pavement. The kid couldn’t have been more than ten years old. A small, steadily weakening hand rose to grasp his own. The kid didn’t say a word, just held onto him like his life depended on it. He felt a tear beginning to trail its way down his sweaty cheek. “I’m so sorry..I- I..” words failed him as the boy smiled weakly, body shaking from the effort of taking each stunted breath. “Please, sir..,” the child broke off into a fit of coughing. He pretended not to notice the flecks of blood which poured forth with each convulsion. “Please, stay with me,” the child pleaded, voice broken. He looked down into those sparkling green eyes, more tears forming in his own.  _

_ “You got it. I’m not going anywhere”- _

**Through the roaring waves of feeling, he thought he could hear someone calling out to him. A man. His voice was strong and sweet, dripping with honey and promises. In it he heard all of the things he had so long desired. The voice continued to call to him, its dulcet tones turning growing ever more enticing as Kylo rushed towards it. It grew louder as he fought against the current of the other man’s consciousness. It was so familiar, and yet so strange. He was so close now.**

_ A week had passed. Although the rest of the task force had come back, she had not. There was no body to bury. Nothing to commit to the earth, nowhere to lay the white lilies she had always adored. He noticed the way the other’s looked at him. They wondered at this small boy whose face remained blank as they told him the news. No matter what, he could not cry. He had to be brave- _

**The shouting faded into a whispers as he drew closer, and as if in reaction, the pilot’s mind began to quiet itself. The whirling ocean of thoughts and emotions calmed, its boundaries twisting and fluttering. They began to take the form of mountains, trees, warm with the last blush of fall.**

_ He was looking up at the tall, dark figure standing above him. The sand felt like it was made of millions of tiny shards of glass, as he was forced to his knees. This Kylo Ren, looked at him with an intensity which might have made other crumple under its force. He looked up at that cold, unfeeling mask, and wondered what kind of monster lurked behind it. His limbs were frozen, his mind still reeling from the intrusion, and yet he wanted nothing more than to rip the mask off of the man’s face. Reveal the nightmare behind it-  _

_ He was in his bed when the surge hit him. He felt someone’s- Ben’s- energy pulse through him like a bolt of lightning-  _

**He felt something take hold of him yet again. It’s grip was tight and strong as they pulled him down below the water line, drawing him deeper into the dark depths of Dameron’s memory.**

_ The heat of the desert was slowly taking the life out of him. He trudged onwards, but with each step into the sandy silence beyond he knew that what he approached was nothing less than his death. It was beautiful. The sky danced with a thousand colors, each star shining like a diamond-   _

_ Kylo Ren was looking down at him. Those tortured brown eyes shining with something so warm and caring that it almost hurt. Poe never wanted those eyes to look away. He wanted to stay trapped in their burning sights for an eternity-  _

**Any shred of control he had possessed before was gone now. Kylo did not struggle as the mysterious being pulled him down even further still. There was no use.**

_ Rey was looking at him intently. He felt as if those eyes touched the very depths of his soul. “If you intend to go on this quest, you must be cautious, Poe Dameron. There will be much darkness and danger on your path.” She hesitated before continuing in a somber tone, “ and I fear you may not like what you find-  _

**The voice was in his ear now, a soft, slow murmur. He tried to make out their meaning, but there was no use. They were barely distinguishable over the sound of his own beating heart.  He felt a pair of phantom lips pressing against the crook of his neck. They were full and soft, yet their caress burned hot as fire.**

_ “Do you not feel it Poe Dameron?”  _

_ Poe could feel his consciousness slipping away with each millisecond.  _

_ “Feel what?” he whispered gently, this was followed by an even fainter  “you’re.. glowing”  before he finally drifted into the darkness. Before he let go, he heard the man speak on last time, his voice almost tender. His youthful face contorting into a small said, smile as he looked down at him. There was the trace of a small scar running across his brow, marring his otherwise smooth visage. _

_ “You must find Ben, Poe Dameron. May the force be with you, for I fear that you are his only hope.”     _

**It couldn't be.**

Kylo was flung back, his head connecting hard with the wooden floor. It was with a strangled gasp he took in what felt like the first breath in an eternity. His lungs burned and a wave of uncontrollable tremors ran through him. 

With a pained groan he let his eyes fall closed, pulling the force to him. He was cold, so very cold. He lay there shaking for a lifetime, lost in the memory of the pain he had felt in the pilot’s mind. A hand that was not his own began to run through his hair, a voice whispered calming words.

Never had he felt so open, so exposed, as if he was the one whose memories had been put on display. In seconds the years of training, forcing his emotions to the bottom of his mind-eventually crushing them with the help of Snoke-had been undone. All had been undone by this man. This uncompromising, cocky, daring man who had experienced so much grief that he should have been driven mad by it- he should have pushed it down, hardened. Yet, he had not. He had let that fear, anger, love, hatred, sorrow, remain within him, until they had become part of his very being.  

His vision was blurred with tears as he turned to look up at Dameron. 

The other man had sprung to his feet so fast that the chair had fallen to the ground behind him. He was knelt down at Kylo’s side, eyes wide with shock and concern, fingers still carding softly through long brown hair seemingly without having realizing that he was doing it.  

“The boy..” he said, voice trembling with the effort. “What was his name.” 

Dameron’s eyes darkened, confusion evident on his face. There were so many other things to ask, so many questions raised by the series of images he had seen in the man’s mind. Yet, the force-wielder was overcome with a need to know so strong that it could have toppled mountains. When at last the pilot spoke, eyes betraying the flurry of thoughts currently running through his mind, his voice was a whisper. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know. He never got the chance to tell me.” 

All the while, those fingers never stopped running through his hair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here we go back into memory land. I wanted to give Poe a little bit more depth than maybe I was giving him before, and give them something to work with as their relationship advances. Things should get much more romantic-ish in a little bit. I know that some of you may have wanted this relationship to start a little bit faster, but I don't like non-con and relationships take a lot of time to build (especially when you're dealing with such damaged people). I hope you enjoy this chapter, please let me know what you think about it. I love hearing what you guys are enjoying, so that I can try and incorporate more of what is working.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BB-8 rolls off into the woods and makes a new friend. (alternatively: what BB-8 has been doing this whole time)

Well this was strange. 

What looked like the signature of a First Order transport had showed up on its internal sensors, not two hundred yards from where master had landed. BB-8 looked up at the cockpit, but master was making no move to come down. The dark haired man was soaking up the sun like one of the solar powered droids BB-8 had come across on Jakku. BB-8 had thought master would have been more eager to begin the search for the one named Ben. The pilot had been so frantic to get here, and yet now he seemed almost relaxed. The droid was far from worried. Master probably just needed to regain his energy after such a long flight. 

BB-8 had scanned the planet upon their approach, but there was only one other human in range. Clearly, the ship must belong to the one named Ben that master was so set upon finding. The one named Ben could have stolen the ship from the First Order, maybe he was a deserter like friend Finn. BB-8 beeped excitedly at the thought of meeting another like friend Finn.

Leaving master to recharge, BB-8 sped off towards the ship. There was a slight signal coming from the craft, but even that was rather faint. The ship must have been powered down some time ago. The grass soon gave way to the root veined floor of a large forest, and after the better part of an hour he finally approached the shuttle. It was a made of a grey metal, so dark that it looked almost black. The exterior bore the traces of blaster fire, long and deep like the claws of some viscous beast. Perhaps the one named Ben had been injured in his escape. BB-8 rolled around the transport, taking in the damage from all sides. The ship would still be able to fly, of that there was little doubt, in fact a quick scan revealed that the transport had enough fuel to carry them all back to the rebel base without issue. Master would be pleased to know that they wouldn’t have to stop off again on any strange planets because they needed to refuel. BB-8 wasn’t very keen on the repeating that particular experience.  The jungle planet had been unpleasant to say the least, and the humidity was terrible for his delicate circuitry. 

BB-8 was rolling closer to the hull, in an attempt to get a better look at a particularly large dent, when the man appeared. BB-8 shot out a metal arm, ready to shock the stranger at the slightest provocation. However, the man merely smiled warmly, raising his hands to show that he meant the droid no harm. 

BB-8 scanned the man quickly for weapons, but found nothing. In fact, the man himself didn’t even appear on the screen at all. It was almost as though the human was a proj ection and not a physical being. Shocked, BB-8 rolled closer reaching out to send a small charge through the man, but nothing happened. Confused, the droid tried again this time increasing the voltage, yet still it had no effect.

The man laughed. “Hello to you too. You must be BB-8.” His voice was low and kind, and his blue eyes sparkled with mirth. “You can put that away,” he motioned to the Taser with a short flick of an elegant hand. “It has no effect on me, and besides I mean you no harm.” 

BB-8 was disinclined to believe this strange man, but retracted the weapon all the same. It had never encountered a human who did not appear on a scan. This very might well be the one named ben who master was searching for, but its preliminary life form scan had only showed two human signatures. The first had been his master, the second must be the one they searched. Overwhelmed with curiosity, the droid beeped questioningly at the man, who had gracefully knelt down on the mossy ground so that the two of them were at eye level. 

“No, I am not ‘the one called Ben,’” this was said with a tone of intense amusement. “ But, I am the one who helped you and your master find this place. I am also the one who transmitted his location on Jakku back to Leia Organa.” There was nothing in the man's tone to suggest deception, which was all of the affirmation the droid needed. It was overcome with gratitude, for had this man not come master’s aid, master would have surely died. 

BB-8 beeped excitedly, rolling close enough for the other man to run a hand over the droids head. His hand did not feel warm and solid like that of his master, but instead sent a thrum of energy through BB-8's circuitry.  

“Now, BB-8 I have something very important that I need you to do for me. If you are willing to help me, of course.” 

It was silly that the human thought BB-8 would be anything but willing to help him. Anyone who had saved master would never need to doubt that the droid would ever help them.  BB-8 communicated as much to the blue eyed man, whose stormy eyes visibly softened. 

“I need you to record a message for me, and when the time is right, I need you to show it to your master- and to Ben.” 

BB-8 chirped excitedly. If the droid was supposed to show it to the both of them together, then that must mean that Master had found Ben after all. Master had accomplished his mission!

“You aren’t wrong. However, I think it is more that they have found each other. At least I hope so.” The human fell silent for a minute, eyes going foggy. BB-8 wondered what could have made the man so sad. Even after all of the time the droid had spent with humans, it still had yet to comprehend their capacity for emotional malfunction. At last the man pulled himself from his thoughts and rose to his feet, handsome face set in determination. 

“Alright. Now I need you to listen very carefully. I fear that one misstep may undo everything that has been accomplished so far.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I just went back and re-read this fic from the beginning and aside from noticing some rather egregious typos, I also noticed that I have an irritating habit of making BB-8 just disappear when it is not convenient for the droid to be there. So here is a short chapter explaining where the heck BB-8 has been hiding out while Poe and Kylo have been riding on their emotional rollercoaster. I am hoping to get the next Poe centric chapter out by the end of this week! Hope you guys enjoyed!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe stays up and thinks, mostly about the problematic favorite that is Kylo Ren.   
>  Kylo is still a weirdo.

Poe was not sure how long they lay there, but eventually the faint traces of sunlight began to force their way into the cabin. In the cold light of morning, the still  dazed form of Kylo Ren looked altogether too long and thin in his arms. His loose fitting shirt had ridden up, revealing a jagged scar. His handsome face was paler than death, and the traces of blood on his lips had turned into a deep earthy brown. The young man was the picture of agony and anger, battle scarred and bathed in blood. There was much yet to discuss, so many questions for the other man. He had started to speak so many times over the course of the night, wanting so desperately to ask what was wrong. Yet, as he looked down at the younger man,  hand still carding slowly through the long dark hair,  Poe found that once again he was at a loss for words Poe’s mind still screamed with the agony of the Ren’s rapid escape, and if the way Ren was still trembling was any indication, so did the force-wielder’s. 

The weight of the events of the previous night hung heavily on his shoulders. “Why can nothing ever be simple when it comes to you,’ he whispered down to the resting man. His voice was heavy with the exhaustion to which the rest of his body refused to succumb. Poe had tried to sleep, but had been unable. So he remained motionless, cradling the other man’s head in his lap, keeping guard as the night drew close around them.  There was no real reason for him to remain  there, on the cold hard floor with the man who had murdered his hero. 

It  had been pure ecstasy to feel the warmth of the force pour through him, sweeping away all of his pain. It had been terrifying. For a split second he had felt as if he had been made whole, and then- as was to be expected- it had all gone to shit. Something powerful had forced its way through the ecstasy and pulled Kylo’s presence deeper into his memories. That was when the pain had started, the agony that came as the force-wielder used every modicum of power he possessed to try and break free.  

Kylo shifted, breaking Poe from his recollection. The long haired man had not awakened, but his subconscious mind seemed to have decided that the position he was in was uncomfortable. A long arm sleepy shifted to rest on one of the pilots thick thighs, as the rest of his lanky body shifted closer to Poe, curling into the warmth radiating from him. A part of his mind screamed at him to push the other man away, to leave this broken man to his madness and save himself while he still could. He would be lying if he said he didn’t consider it.  

He owed Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, absolutely nothing. Hell, now that he knew the true extent of the other’s crimes, there should be nothing to keep him here, let alone make him try to pull General Organa and Han Solo’s son back from the abyss he had cast himself into. And yet...  there was something magnetic about the sleeping man. There was something strong that seemed to urge him to draw closer, to reach out and sooth the open wound that was Kylo Ren. 

This same force pulled Poe in, until he was nothing more than a moth drawn to a dancing flame- a moth whose wings would be consumed by the fire. “Holy hell,” he snorted under his breath, looking down at the boyish face in his lap. “You’ve got me sitting here, getting all poetic, when I should just wake you up and beat the truth out of that irritating mouth of yours.” Poe almost swore that the he felt a tinge of amusement run through the other man, but the chances that the force-wielder was pretending to be asleep in order to prolong his time in the arms of a ‘piece of filthy rebel scum’ were non-existent. Kylo snuggled closer to him, looking like nothing more than a touch starved puppy. Poe couldn’t help but smile now, although it was altogether far more caring then he would have like to admit. 

“Enjoy it while you can. You've still got a lot of explaining to do, asshole. Don’t you think for a second, that your little impromptu sleeping beauty impression is going to get you off the hook.”

Their bodies seemed infinitely closer now. Poe could feel the gentle ebb and flow of power radiating from the sleeping man. It felt almost tranquil now, a far cry from the burning pain he had emitted moments after he had fallen to the ground. What this sudden shift meant..Poe had no desire to even begin thinking about. Not that he should be surprised really. Everything in his life had been a chaotic mess since his capture of Jakku. Nearly every time he had felt close to solving this puzzle, some new complication would be thrown in his path, knocking him off his feet. 

A current of irritation rushed through him upon this reflection. “You know,” he said to the sleeping knight, “It seems like every time I get close to finding out what the hell this is all about, something like this happens.” The dark haired man made a noise, a snuffle really, that sounded remarkable apologetic. 

The knight- or most likely former knight, seeing as the sleeping man must have fled the First Order (another topic to add to the long list of items up for discussion)- looked so incredibly young like this. It was almost childlike, the way those long elegant fingers curled into fists and those long lashes fluttered as he dreamed.  

Were he not, who he was, Kylo Ren would have been exactly the kind of man Poe would have been interested in. He had the same tall, long frame the pilot had always liked, not to mention the exotic features that never failed to draw his eye. The longish hair he found so enticing. However, Kylo Ren was a not some pretty recruit or nameless trader met on a faraway planet. No, he was a killer, a volatile maniac who whose power was far too strong to be in the hands of someone so unstable. Poe knew everything about this man should repulse him, should enrage him, but it didn’t. Maybe it was the almost lost look in the others eyes, the tremors that rocked that scarred body. Kylo Ren personified everything Poe had learned to hate about the First Order. Yet, this broken little boy was no longer Kylo Ren, at least not entirely. Minute by minute Poe could feel traces of General Organa’s son leaching through the cracks in the knight’s façade. In some ways it made all of this so much worse. He couldn’t hate Ben Solo. Ben was far too human, too afraid, to hate-too vulnerable not to help.  

Something would have to be done about this. 

The pilot lay there for a while longer, pondering their current situation, until his legs began to feel numb with disuse. With a long sigh, Poe finally raised his head from where it rested against the edge of the bed. He felt a twinge of unreasonable guilt at the prospect of moving the still  sleeping man, but this was quickly overridden by his desire to be free of this place. It felt like an eternity since he had been outside, felt the sun on his face. The clothing he wore felt tight, dirty, like it was clinging to him.

More than anything in the galaxy, he longed for a bath. He wanted to wash himself clean of the evenings trials, of the inexplicable feelings which haunted him.  

He slowly began lifting the other man’s head from where it rested in his lap. Ren’s eyes fluttered open, long eye lashes framing those sad brown eyes in an artistic way. His freckled face was still slack with the fading traces of sleep, a pink tongue tentatively reaching down to taste the now dried blood on his lips. Poe watched the emotions fly across the force-wielders face as he became aware of the way he had unconsciously wrapped himself around the pilot’s body. In a flash, the taller man shot up, yanking his hand away as if it had been burned. Poe, also rising to his feet (although far less abruptly), raised an eyebrow, but otherwise made no comment. He was far too distracted to get into it with the long haired man. 

With a loud yawn he stretched slowly, enjoying the feeling of some of the tension leaving his body. All the while Ren stood perfectly still, staring at him in shocked silence. When he had completed his stretching, Poe’s thoughts once again turned back to his desire to bathe. Hot water would be fantastic, but at this point he was willing to settle for a bucket of ice water. 

“You- You want to take a bath?” Ren’s voice was so full of stunned incredulity that the pilot almost burst out laughing. The force-user looked almost as shocked as if Poe had expressed he a strong desire to eat a human heart. Those shining brown eyes were as wide as saucers. This time, unlike in the clearing, Poe was able to keep himself together. He leveled a challenging look at the still befuddled force-user. “Yes. Is there some sort of problem with that? Is it some sort of taboo to be clean among the First Order or something?” It was incredibly difficult to keep the amusement he felt under wraps, but his sarcastic drawl seemed to have the desired effect. Ren’s eyes had narrowed down to a less ridiculous size, and his jaw dropped expression had turned into, what could only be described as a sullen pout. 

“I have nothing against bathing, Rebel scum. I’ll have you know that my own personal grooming habits are quite beyond reproach. As for your own,” he paused to give the pilot a quick look up and down, sneering in disdain at the sweaty clothes “I find I am inclined to agree that a bath would be an improvement. Now, Poe really did laugh, hard and loud. “There’s the Kylo Ren I know and detest! After last night I was wondering if you were an imposter, switched out when I closed my eyes.” He gave the now clearly annoyed knight a salacious wink, before making his way to the door. 

He pulled it open, relishing the fresh air that overwhelmed his senses, before shouting over his shoulder “Well? Aren't you coming?”  

The only response he got was a loud, derisive snort, which was followed by the door slamming shut behind the taller man. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry this took me so long to post! It took me a little longer than usual to figure out exactly how I wanted to make this work, but I think I've got a clearer idea. So next chapter will be Kylo centric once again, and will explain why he's so surprised about bathing. Kudos to you if you notice the little clue I left in there. BB-8 should be making an appearance soon. As always, I hoped you guys enjoyed and I look forward to reading more of your lovely comments.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe thinks Kylo is kind of hot. Kylo thinks he's going insane. Alternatively: Poe is at the 'fuck it' stage in this little drama, and just wants to take a bath.

Kylo was reeling. It felt as if the pilot had sucker punched him in the gut, and then proceeded to step on his windpipe with a pair of steel bottomed boots. God, how had that even happened? How had he, Kylo Ren, been so lowered as to cling to this man in his sleep. Why the hell had Dameron let him? While he stood there in abject shock, Poe seemed to be completely at ease. If he was at all perturbed about the fact that Kylo had spent the evening sleeping on top of him, like some sort of weepy, weak, child, he showed no sign of it. He watched through wide eyes, as the other man began to stretch, long and languidly. The rebel’s short, dark hair was disorderly and a few strands fell forward across his strong face. Those expressive brown eyes falling shut in an almost blissful expression as his sore muscles were given some small degree of relief. Kylo suddenly felt incredibly stiff, as though he too had spent the entire night sitting straight up against some hard, unforgiving surface. When at last he completed his stretching he leveled a somewhat unconcerned look at the former Knight of Ren. It was then that something incredibly strange came to pass- something that was distinctly impossible. 

Poe spoke. Those full pink lips remained motionless, and yet Kylo distinctly heard Dameron’s rich, voice will his ears. 

“ _ Hot water would be fantastic, but at this point I am willing to settle for a bucket of ice water. _ ” This statement was accompanied by the sudden powerful need to bathe, to feel hot water run down his skin. The only problem was that it wasn’t his own need, as much as he thought that it must be. This need was burning, not like the icy, heavy darkness which so often characterized his own desires. So that could only mean that it was the pilot’s. If it was at all possible, Kylo could feel his eyes growing wider than they had already been at the prospect of having ‘snuggled’- he felt slightly nauseous when that word materialized- with a rebel. For the second time in the span of exactly two minutes, he felt as though the air has been pulled from his lungs. The projection was far too strong for the man before him to have created, it felt far too real. Even if this was the pilot simply emitting his emotions, Kylo should have simply felt that the other man felt them. It was impossible for him to feel the desire of those whose minds he entered as his own. It simply couldn’t happen.  

It took no small amount of effort to get the words to form in his mouth. "You- You want to take a bath?” In the silence he realized how shocked, broken his voice sounded. He watched with horror as the pilots mouth fell into the smile of a man fighting to contain his amusement at something particularly ridiculous. At least this time, unlike in the clearing, Dameron managed to withhold his laughter. Not that it had much of an effect, as those brilliant brown eyes were shining with held back tears of mirth. Kylo watched as the rebel put on the perfect parody of a challenging look, and answered in a drawl so dripping with sarcasm that it was almost impressive “Yes. Is there some sort of problem with that? Is it some sort of taboo to be clean among the First Order or something?”  

Dameron was laughing at him. He was laughing at him, Kylo Ren, heir of Darth Vader and one of the most powerful force-wielders to ever draw breath. No, he must have simply been imagining all of it. There was no way that someone so lowly could possibly have such power. He grew annoyed with himself for ever even considering the possibility. “I have nothing against bathing, Rebel scum.” He bit back. “ I’ll have you know that my own personal grooming habits are quite beyond reproach. As for your own,” he paused to give the pilot a quick look up and down, sneering in disdain at the sweaty clothes, before continuing with a new more potent venom in his voice “I find I am inclined to agree that a bath would be an improvement.” 

This time, Dameron actually did laugh, and had it not been for a sudden development, it might have angered Kylo enough to actually kill him.  Dameron spoke, once again into his ear without moving a muscle. _ “You know, he’s adorable like this, all riled up. I think he was blushing earlier- I wonder how old he really is? God, what would he’d look like after a few drinks, he looks like a light weight- _ ” Kylo thought he felt his heart skip a beat, or maybe that was the sound of what little sanity he had finally snapping. He was torn between rage, shock, and an avalanche of other emotions. However, before he even had time to act on any of these feelings, the pilot began speaking again, although this time his mouth moved as he talked. There was still a smile on his face but this time it was more genuinely amused than anything else. 

“There’s the Kylo Ren I know and detest! After last night I was wondering if you were an imposter, switched out when I closed my eyes.” Dameron winked at him. It wasn’t the sort of wink his father used to give him, when he was helping him out of trouble with his mother. No, this was the most salacious, lewd wink imaginable and Dameron knew it. The rebel’s mouth had once again stopped moving, but words continued to pour from him. “ _ Too bad he’s completely insane, I could certainly get used to, making him blush like that.” _

Kylo stood as if frozen as the pilot turned at mad his way towards the cabin door, and after the briefest of pauses stepped through it.  He was mad, there was no other explanation for the previous scene.  God, he had finally gone completely insane and it was Poe Dameron that had finally driven him over the edge. He was in the process of running a hand through his sleep mussed hair, when the pilot called out. “Well? Aren't you coming?”

**Kylo, snorted at the at cocky way the pilot spoke, and with a long-suffering sigh turned to follow Poe Dameron out into the wilderness. **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Next chapter will be significantly longer but I wanted to give you guys a little something. They (Poe and Kylo) have so many issues....that's really all I have to say.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Poe go for a walk. Kylo thinks he's losing it.

The pilot was waiting for him, eyes shining with something that made the long haired man distinctly uncomfortable. Dameron didn’t say anything, instead he just stood there, strong arms folded over one another in an expectant fashion. It took Kylo a minute to realize that the other man was waiting for him to lead the way. What else could he even be waiting for, it wasn’t as if the rebel had any idea what the rest of the planet looked like or where anything really was. Mentally kicking himself, Kylo brushed past the shorter man, and headed off into the trees, distinctly aware of the sound of the pilot following behind him. 

It really was a beautiful day. The sun shone thru the leaves, which were beginning to shift from grassy green to the golds and oranges of fall. It was warm and the breeze carries the soothing scent of nature and life.  At least if this was to be his asylum, it was a beautiful one, he thought, smiling wryly. As his body began to take in the freshness of the air, the sun on his skin, he became ever more certain that he had only imagined those unspoken words. The events of the night before had no doubt had an effect on him, rendering him somewhat dazed. He had not thought for a second that the other man’s mind would be so wild, so full of untapped grief. No one would ever suspect that such raw emotion was hidden behind that smiling, carefree mask. Kylo almost laughed at the thought of how someone who seemed to outwardly simple, could be so very complicated. Although perhaps it should have been expected. After all, it was the very nature of his life- it had been from the moment he had discovered his connection to the force, that he could lift things with his mind, make others do whatever he commanded, read thoughts.

Dameron may have complicated things for him somewhat, but at the end of the day he was nothing more than a pilot- just like his father.  He chuckled darkly under his breath at that. Yes, they were very similar in some ways, his father and Poe Dameron. Both were tall, scruffy, charismatic, sarcastic, thought they were witty, had a knack for getting themselves in and out of trouble, and both seemed to delight in turning up to throw his life into chaos. The only difference was, that his father had never had any bizarre fever dreams about his grandfather.  

Yes. That was something that would no doubt need to be addressed. The ghost of Anakin Skywalker had not been seen for an age. At least, not since the defeat of the empire by skywalker and his rebel sum. And yet it was unmistakably grandfather in that dream. However, why Darth Vader, the greatest Sith to ever live, would chose to appear to an seemingly ordinary man like Dameron, he hadn’t the slightest idea. Yet,  if he was capable of being honest with himself, he would have acknowledged that there was nothing ordinary about the man behind him. Dameron had forced his way past his walls on the destroyer, he had escaped the first order, he had tracked him to the end of the universe, he had suffered enough torment to drive most men insane, or make them cold and cruel. Most of all he had held a man who had tortured him for hours as he slept, and all the while never projected the least bit of hate. However, Kylo was far too confused to acknowledge any of these things, let alone understand what they meant. Instead, his mind flickered back to the visions he had seen in the other man's head, the other half of the story of his exile, until he finally reached that scene in the desert once again. 

He felt almost hurt by it, insulted even. 

All his life he had strived to be like his grandfather. Every time he had been tested, or heard the call to the light, he had begged again and again for Vader to show him the way of the dark side, and yet never once had he appeared before him. Once, he had asked Snoke why this was the case. His master had only said that sometimes, ghosts created by the force chose to vanish back into it. Kylo, only sixteen at the time, had thought this reasonable enough. After all,  his Grandfather had suffered enough for one lifetime. Perhaps, he had simply chosen to pass on into whatever lay beyond. 

Clearly this was not the case, if he was choosing to appear to random rebel pilots and sending them after his grandson. Now that, was a notion so bizarre that he couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around it. What Grandfather, thought Dameron had to offer him, was perhaps one of the greatest mysteries in existence.  

The trees grew thicker around them as they drew towards the pools. He had found them on his third day here, after a particularly long hike. About four miles from the cabin, there was a small network of caves that wound around the foot of the small mountain, which he could see  through the window by his bed. The caves were not dim, but after a few minutes he had come across several large pools of water, hit with a stream of brilliant sunlight through a large opening in the rocky ceiling. The sun beams had hit the liquid head on, making it shine a crystalline blue. He carefully probed the water, searching for signs of lurking life, yet there were none. After performing several tests to make sure that the water was in fact water, and not some sort of flesh eating acid, he cautiously dipped a toe in. It was blissfully warm. From that day forward, whenever he had wanted to relax, he would make the journey through the woods to the caves, for a long soak in the hot water. 

However this time, the journey was less of an exercise in reaching a relaxed state and more one of keeping himself together. His feet carried him forward, as if of their own accord, as Kylo threw himself into the depths of his memories, trying to pinpoint the exact moment when it had all gone wrong. Perhaps, it had been the moment he had decided to find the map to skywalker. Yes, the search had led to the destruction of everything the First Order had fought so hard to build, but it was not the exact turning point. Of course, they would always rebuild. General Hux, awful and cold as he may be, was no fool. Kylo had no doubt that in the wake of his departure, the young general had no doubt started to further consolidate his control. He might even become emperor one day, as he had so often imagined. No, the moment when everything had started to fall to pieces, was the second he allowed Poe Dameron to push into his mind during that interrogation. That was it. Kylo was pulled out of his reverie by the sound of the aforementioned’s voice.  It was hushed, as if the other man were whispering in his ear, and yet a quick glance over his shoulder showed that Dameron was a few feet behind him, eyes scanning the woods, as if he was searching for something. 

_ “Get it together Dameron. Eventually you are going to have to come back to reality and deal with the what happened.”  _ Intrigued, Kylo slowed his pace but otherwise gave no indication that he was listening to the other man’s ramblings. Better to listen and hope for some sort of information. In the hastiness of his glance, the knight had failed to notice that once again Poe Dameron’s lips weren’t moving.  

“ _ Let's review what we know. First, Kylo Ren is Ben Solo. Second, Ben knows who that man on Jakku and the Jungle is, and has yet to mention it. Third, the two of you cuddled.”  _ Kylo gritted his teeth at the last one, but said nothing for fear of dragging the other man into reality. Clearly, the pilot had not noticed that he was thinking out loud. “ _ Well he definitely isn’t going to kill me, so I think we can stop worrying about that. Not that he was ever going to, he’s not nearly as hardcore as he thinks.” _ Kylo balled his hands into fists, relishing in the feeling of his nails digging into the calloused fled. It was proving more and more difficult to keep silent, especially as Dameron’s musings grew more interesting, and distinctly louder.  

“ _ Then there is the whole business of why the hell I’m even here. Clearly he can take care of himself. Actually, no, scratch that, he absolutely cannot take care of himself. But I don’t see what the hell I was supposed to do about it. I guess, mystery cloak moron didn’t think about that. Then there was all that stuff about ‘someone thinking he was worth saving,’ or whatever. What the hell does that even mean.”  _ Kylo was now forced to actually bite his tongue to prevent himself from speaking, for when the pilot repeated his words from their previous conversation he did so in a husky parody of his voice. “ _ I don’t know why he feels the need to keep up this tall, dark, and handsome routine. He could just talk to me, maybe explain for once instead of acting like a drama queen with severe anger issues. Guess, it's not really his fault though. He probably wins the award for most fucked up childhood ever. Still a mass murderer though...He did sorta run away from that though? Yeah, but that hardly negates the fact that he tried to kill you, actually killed his own father, and helped blow up and entire planet. He does seem different though, he looks far less stretched.” _

Kylo was almost dumbstruck at the fact that the other man seemed to be so far gone that he was willing to basically lay himself bare, when the object of his scrutiny was literally right in front of him. “ _ Maybe if he wasn’t so attractive- whoa- stop there, I am so not up for thinking about that right now.  Murderer- he is a murderer- he kills people. He tried to kill you! with his oh so precious lightsaber. He kills people. He kills small fluffy animals when he’s angry.”  _

Kylo wheeled around as fast as a whip, so fast in fact that the pilot crashed straight into him, and would have fallen backwards if Kylo hadn’t reached out and grabbed him bodily. “Will you please, just shut up!” he roared, watching as the other man’s eyes opened wide in shock, mouth falling open. ‘Wha-What are you talking about?” he sputtered, looking intensely confused, and just a little bit scared. Kylo laughed, the sound manic even to his own ears. “You seriously think, I didn’t hear you? You've been walking behind me this whole time, of course I can hear you.” If it was even possible, Dameron’s eyes god even wider. “Oh my god. You are actually insane”, he breathed, lips turning into a smile manic enough to match Kylo’s own. “Insane? I fucking heard you talking.” He raised his voice in a girlish parody of Dameron’s voice “ _ He tried to kill you! with his oh so precious lightsaber. He kills small fluffy animals when he’s angry.”   _

Poe looked at him questioningly, his expression growing far more serious. “ Kylo, I didn’t say any of that out loud. We have been walking in silence this whole time.”  Kylo looked at the man still suspended in mid air, held up only by his own arms. “What?” His voice sounded flat, all of the anger and irritation knocked out of it in one fell blow. “All of this time, I’ve been thinking.”  

Kylo dropped him.  Poe hit the ground with a soft thud, looking up at Kylo with eyes full of questions and unmistakable worry. “I…,” the force-wielder started haltingly, voice weak. “I haven't entered your mind. I didn’t try at all, I can get impressions of your thoughts, but not anything like that.”   

“Yeah, I know. But, I didn’t and still don’t feel you in my head, which is definitely a sensation I would recognize, seeing as you are about as delicate as a sledgehammer. But then...how?” 

There was a rustle in the bushes, and a orange and white blur whizzed through the trees, coming to a halt in front of it’s master. BB-8 beeped apologetically at the man still laying on the ground below. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BB-8 reveals a new piece of information, Poe finally loses his shit (which he has been doing a superb job of keeping together given the circumstances, thank you very much), Kylo has serious issues, Poe has a realization that changes his whole perspective.

BB-8 beeped apologetically at him, big black lens of its eye seeming to grow larger as the droid scanned Poe for damage. The orange and white droid was so preoccupied with checking that it’s master was unharmed, that it didn’t realize it’s master had been trying to get it’s attention.  

“BB-8, where the hell have you been! I’ve been so worried about you!” Poe practically shouted. Although he had been dealing with other more pressing problems, the question of where the little droid had rolled off too had been rolling around in the back of his mind, since his second day on the planet. Part of him was relieved to see BB-8, functioning and in one piece, the other was furious that the droid had left him alone with the currently fuming wanna be sith lord, who had literally just dropped him onto the cold hard ground. Kylo stood stock still and was fixing what could only be described as a blood curdling stare on BB-8. However, before Poe could even process the ridiculous amount of hatred that the long haired man seemed to hold for his droid, BB-8 began beeping hurriedly. 

As the droid continued to explain, Poe grew more and more confused. “Message? What do you mean a message?” Poe asked, brow furrowing, as he slowly rose to his feet. His clothes hadn’t been all too clean to begin with, but there was now a thin coating of mud on his back. Considering the fact that he had only followed Kylo out into these godforsaken woods because he wanted to get clean, it made the fact that he was now dirtier than ever even more upsetting. “I don’t understand why you can’t just show us the message now, buddy.” BB-8 looked almost upset, but continued to insist that this ‘message ‘couldn’t be relayed until the time was right. BB-8 chirped nervously, eye twitching nervously between its master and the former knight of ren, who was still trying to melt the droid with the sheer force of his will. When Kylo finally spoke, his voice had darkened considerably to the point where it might have almost been frightening, had Poe not held the very same man in his arms just the night before. “If the rolling hunk of metal won’t tell us the message, I would be perfectly happy to extract it by force.” Poe almost rolled his eyes at that. “Calm down, and try to control yourself for once. BB-8 is probably just a little confused,” he tried to pitch his voice to be calming, but it did not have the desired effect as Ren still looked furious. With a sigh of exasperation, Poe turned his attention back to the droid. The next piece of information, was so bizarre that the pilot almost did a double take. 

“What do you mean you made a new friend in the woods?” The pilot turned his gaze on Kylo now, brown eyes narrowing in suspicion. The other man seemed momentarily taken aback by the sudden shift in Poe’s focus, those thick lips falling open in an expression of utter shock.  “Do you know something about this? Did you wait until I was asleep and then kidnap my droid and brain wash it or something?” Had Poe taken a second to really think about it, he would have realized that the accusation didn’t even really make sense. Kylo had been practically glued to him since he had arrived, and why would he have left a message for himself on Poe’s droid, that he probably didn’t even know was there in the first place? That being said, Poe didn’t take a second to consider the irrationality of his suspicion. 

The former Knight of Ren took the attack exactly as one would have expected: poorly. “Of course not,” Kylo growled, the force of his anger nearly knocking the pilot back the ground. “I have no idea what your defective little scrap heap is talking about. Besides, why on earth would I kidnap a droid and leave a message that even I don’t have permission to access? And you think I’m the insane one!”  Kylo was now visibly shaking with poorly suppressed rage, long strong hands balling into fists. Poe winced, as though he himself could feel the pain the deserter must be experiencing as his nails dug into the flesh of his palms. Those brown eyes were smouldering like hot coals, dangerous and yet so strikingly beautiful. That was Kylo though wasn’t it? A mass of anger, chaotic, barely contained, and beautiful. Even now, the pilot could feel the crackling heat of Kyllo's anger and irritation surrounding the both of them.

Poe felt the overwhelming urge to rush forward, to soothe, to stroke the tousled hair out of Kylo’s eyes and make that heavy anger dissipate. However, he ignored this instinct, forcing it down in favor of letting his own irritation swell.

BB-8 let out a low, metallic whimper, rolling closer to its master as if increased proximity to Poe would protect it from the wrath of the taller man. Not that Poe or Kylo even noticed, for they were to busy staring daggers at each other.

“Hey! Don’t be rude to my droid, ok. Second, it's not like there is anyone else around here that BB-8 could have run into.”   He made sure to let the accusation in his words come out as clearly as possible. Poe saw the way Kylo flinched at the harshness of his tone, but found himself so caught up in the current of his own emotions that he couldn’t bring himself to care. “I mean it's not like you’re being honest with me. No, you haven’t been fucking honest with me since I got here.” He was shouting now, heart pounding like a sledgehammer. The levy had finally truly broken, and his perfect sense of calm collectedness, vanished as he let every little doubt, worry, fear, and irritation he had held in, pour out of him. “Honest? What has honestly got to do with anything. At this point what does it even matter to you who I am?  You said it yourself, I’m a murderer, there nothing else to tell you. Why do you even care?” Ren was shouting back, eyes burning with rage and what looked like the beginnings of tears of pure hysteria. His hair seemed to have been caught up in a gust of wind. It whipped outwards, cracking with a fierce electricity. He looked every inch the legendary killer, menacing and treacherous, even without the mask and billowing robes. A smarter man, a more rational man, would have let it go, would have let the force-wielder rage without batting an eyelash. But Poe didn’t care what a wise man would have done, it was his turn to cut, his turn to let go of all his irritation.

“It's about trust, Ben,” he spat the name out like a curse, watching Kylo twitch at the name. Good, let him squirm, Poe thought darkly. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand anything about that. After all, you've betrayed everyone who ever trusted you.” The words had barely left his lips before Kylo was on him, knocking Poe back to the ground with a heavy thud. Those long, strong fingers curled around his throat, as the former knight hissed darkly into his ear. “Don’t. Ever, Ever, call me by that name.” Poe looked up at his attacker as the air was slowly forced from his lungs. So this was how it was going to end? He was going to die here, lying in the dirt, at the end of the universe, with Han Solo and Leia Organa’s royally fucked up son on top of him. 

Poe’s gaze never left the other man's eyes, daring him to actually do it- to kill him once and for all. The other had had so many chances to do just that, and yet every time he hadn’t been able to, but maybe Poe had truly gone too far this time. Maybe the force-wielder had really managed to force his way into Poe’s mind without him noticing, if that was the case, Poe hoped that he was listening now. He wanted Kylo to know, to understand that if he was going to kill him, he was damn sure going to watch every drop of light fade from his eyes.

The other must have been doing just that, because the pressure eased just a fraction. Seeing his chance, Poe wrapped a leg around the taller man’s back, using his larger mass to flip them over. Now it was Kylo’s back in the dirt, his turn to be afraid of the darkness in the man who now pinned him to the ground. Poe looked down at the former Knight of Ren, and in that moment saw the true extent of the damage that had been done. Those dark eyes were broken and sad, tears flowing freely, and yet they drew Poe closer, sucking him in like a black hole, crushing him. Beneath him, Kylo’s chest was heaving, each breath ragged. The moment the force-wielder had hit the ground the fight seemed to have left him, vanishing as quickly as it had appeared.  

“I’m sorry,” Kylo whispered, so quietly that if they hadn’t been so close, he might have missed it.  It was so simple, and yet Poe could not even begin to unravel the knot of emotions which those two little words conveyed.  Kylo Ren was gone, and in his place all that remained was a frightened boy, who was lost and alone. Poe felt his own anger vanish. 

With a grunt, he rolled off the force wilder, landing on his back on the mud below. They laid like this for some time, in the muck and the myre, eyes gazing unseeingly at the golden leaves above.  “I’m sorry too, you know,” Poe sighed at last. He meant it, he really did. The whole thing was so foolish, childish even. Two grown men coming to blows over a stupid accusation. He could still feel the faint traces of Kylo’s fingertips around his throat. No doubt, they would bruise soon, if they hadn’t already started to. Kylo’s response was tinged genuine guilt. “I’m sorry about hurting you. I-” his voice cracked, as if the deserter could barely make his mouth form the words. “I- I don’t want to hurt you, and- It terrifies me.” His normally dark voice, was so soft, almost reverent as he said those last words, that there was no part of the pilot that didn’t believe him.

Poe rolled onto his side to look at the other man, ignoring the disgusting squelch the mud beneath him made as he did so.  The sunlight filtered through the golden canopy above, drenching Kyler's pale skin in an ethereal glow. “That's so typical of you, Kylo,” he chuckled, letting the warmth he felt bubbling up within him leach into his words. The long haired man’s head whipped around to face his, expression a cross between irritation and the most spectacular pout Poe had ever seen. “Only you, sugar, would feel bad about not wanting to hurt an innocent, such as myself.” He winked teasingly at the still pouting force-wielder, feeling a current of happiness rip through him as the former knight tentatively smiled, as though it was not something he was used to doing. Poe saw it, in that moment, the reason why he had been sent to this violent, turbulent, broken man: there was so much light in him, under all of that anger and confusion, there was a light so strong that it might blind him if he wasn’t carefull. Poe quickly repressed the thought, on the off chance that Kylo was listening in.  

He rose to his feet, grimacing at the feeling of the cold mud which by now had no doubt bonded to every fiber of his clothing. Without a moment’s hesitation he extended a hand down to Kylo, which was hesitantly accepted. 

“I don’t know about you, but I could really use that bath right now.”  

Kylo nodded in affirmation and as if the whole thing had never happened, the two of them continued on through the woods. BB-8 rolled out from where it had been hiding behind a large tree and followed, making sure to stay as far away from the mud caked Knight of Ren as possible. As afraid as BB-8 had been for its master’s safety when the tall man had attacked him, the droid had forced itself to stay back. Friend anakin had been adamant that it shouldn’t interfere until it’s master and Kylo Ren were ready to receive the message.   

**BB-8 hoped that they would be ready soon, because time was running out. **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out for you guys. Midterms have kicked my butt, but after next week I should have way more free time to work on finishing up this story. I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, especially because It took forever to get it uploaded. Side note, if any of this doesn't make sense I apologize, the emotions in this were really complicated and changed so fast that it is perfectly possible that the whole thing is a mess. These guys are just all over the place emotionally, and that can be kind of hard to write correctly. Again I apologize if it sucks. seriously.... Love you all and hope you enjoy it!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo misunderstands, and things escalate.

“It’s. Beautiful here,” the pilot’s warm voice reverberated off of the rocky walls, encircling them both, before exiting through the large opening in the stone ceiling. Kylo nodded in agreement, something strange bubbling up inside him at the thought of sharing this place with someone else. The caverns really were impressive, grand and majestic, yet so grounded in reality as only nature could be. They were humble in their majesty. The long haired man could not help but feel that there truly was more beauty to be found in the formation of a snowcapped mountain, than in any of the towering buildings found on the core planets.

 

He had always been most at peace when surrounded by nature. In fact, nothing had felt as constraining as the walls of the finalizer. The metal was so cold, impersonal, lacking that thrum of life and energy that he found in places like this. Kylo found himself studying the clearly awestruck man beside him.

 

From the moment they had fallen down into the mud, Kylo had noticed the other man slowly trying to tamp down on the connection between them. If he had intended to sever the link he had failed, but Dameron had been successful in making it harder for Kylo to grasp anything but the faintest trails of nonsensical phrases. By the time they had reached the caves all that was left was an almost primal hum of energy.

 

Kylo had also not been idle, having spent the rest of their trek through the woods attempting to remove himself from the other man’s head- although without success. In fact, the most he had managed was to put up a filter so that he wouldn’t have to deal with every and any thought that the pilot had. Irritatingly enough, it appeared that Dameron had better control over the flow of information than Kylo with all of his training could even come close to. The link between their minds still hummed with energy, although it was not more of a comfort than a nuisance. Although he was loathe to admit it, there was something incredibly calming about the darker man’s energy. It reminded him of water, cool, fluid and yet potentially treacherous if trifled with.

 

Dameron’s head was tipped back, eyes raised towards the traces of blue sky above. The sunlight seemed to catch around him, making him glow with an almost golden light. Even caked in mud there was something noble about his bearing, strong shoulders relaxed, legs spread just so. The pilot tilted his head towards him, and the expression which now came over that striking face shifted into something almost hauntingly familiar. It was one he had seen before although on a face that he would no doubt never seen again. A shudder ran through him at the thought of facing her again. Maybe it would have been better if he had simply left that night, ran away and never looked back. Everything may have turned out differently. Snoke might have had to step out into the open and face Skywalker himself, Han Solo might still be alive, and his mother might have forgiven him in time. He felt bile rise in his mouth at the thought. No, nothing would have been different. He would have burned it all down regardless, that was all he had ever done. As if sensing this dark turn in his mind, Dameron’s thoughts shifted slightly, turning from a low hum to a soft tantalizing music. The tune was incredibly familiar, although Kylo was sure he had never heard it before.  In fact, it had been far too long since he had heard music.  It had been a long time since he had done many things.

 

A few feet ahead of them the pools were hissing and bubbling, tendrils of steam drifting up in half formed tendrils. An earthy perfume filled the air, reminding Kylo of the scent of a childhood spent running through the wild on planets his mother had visited on diplomatic missions. He had always found a way to sneak away from his babysitters, heading straight for open air and adventure. Sometimes he had told his father about what he had seen on his little adventures, the tiny creatures with strange colored skins, or dancing flowers as large as shuttles. However, sometimes he would come across a place so magnificent that he felt almost bound to protect it. Little Ben Solo had often felt the force thrumming through him, as he stood in some small cave or meadow. His fantastical imagination had lead him to believe that it was telling him that he had been entrusted with keeping them safe. On these occasions he kept his wanderings a secret, returning to find his mother sick with worry, her assistants scrambling about whatever embassy or base they were visiting. No matter how many times she implored him to tell her where he had been, he would remain silent. It was sometimes so profoundly sad, the thought that he would never share such magic with another being. He had been struck by such a feeling when he had first discovered these pools.  

 

There was something sacred in the air. Something that was not meant to be tampered with, altered by the gaze of another pair of eyes. He had accepted it. That this beauty would be glimpsed by him alone, and that no other would be struck dumb by its splendor as he himself had. Wasn’t that strange? How quickly he had resigned himself to such solitude?

 

“It is safe right? The water?” The pilot's voice broke him out of his reflections. Evidently, Dameron had grown tired of waiting for his bath, and had already begun the process of pulling the muddy clothes from his body. He threw the mud caked garments down to the ground, where they formed a rather sad little pile of brown. With each movement more of the other man’s body was revealed, but the other man seemed completely comfortable with his exposure. Those smoldering brown eyes looked up at Kylo through thick lashes, as Dameron began shimmying out of damp trousers. Clearly taking the force-wielders silence for confusion, rather than extreme discomfort, the pilot spoke again, as if in clarification. “I mean it is a rather alarming shade of cerulean, and I just can’t quite manage to shake the notion that perhaps, despite everything we’ve been through over the past days, despite the fact that you've taken up residence in my head, this is all some intricate plan to get me to jump into a pool of flesh eating acid or something.” There was no trace of actual suspicion in the pilot’s tone. In fact, beneath the sarcastic veneer, there was almost a certain degree of fondness to the words that Kylo found somewhat unsettling. He scowled, but it only served to make the faint traces of a smirk already on the pilot's face grow into something almost obscene.

 

Dameron was winding him up, just because he knew he could, because he felt he had too. Kylo didn’t need to read the other man’s mind to know that was what this was about. Neither one wanted to admit that something had shifted between the two of them. Therefore, Kylo resolved, if Dameron wanted to keep up appearances until they both broke from the strain of it all, he was perfectly content to play along.

 

‘If I wanted to kill you Dameron, I would have done it by now. Although if you keep bringing it up, I might change my mind and decide to finally rid myself of you.” He tried to put a note of coldness into the words, but it sounded false even to his ears. That was hardly worth worrying about now, so he pushed on, just about to add something biting, when he noticed that Dameron was on the point of divesting himself of his last article of clothing. The dark skinned man was not at all what was expected. Yes, the planes of his body were sculpted, strong, and lithe. Anyone might have been able to picture that, Kylo included, but the scars were a surprise. There were several of them, stretching up and down his broad chest like a map. Perhaps they were a map, he mused silently. One of suffering, pain, and the strength that comes with being ripped apart and stitching yourself back together again. He himself carried a map of scars, etched into his very being, and yet Dameron’s were somehow far more meaningful- although he wasn’t quite sure why. A flush spread across his cheeks as he was stuck with the desire to reach out and trace those lines with his hands. Dameron had paused, obviously noticing the way Kylo eyes trailed up and down his form. He did not shy away. In fact he didn’t even move. Instead, he raised his burning eyes to meet the former knights. The look was too much for him. Suddenly overcome with a wave of embarrassment, Kylo started, looking quickly down at the grown below. He did not remove his focus from the ground until he heard the sound of the pilot entering the largest pool. If Dameron thought his prudishness was amusing he said nothing, not that he needed to, as it was plainly written across that infuriating face.  

 

He watched as Dameron swam slowly to the opposite edge, before turning his back and undressing. It was not that he was ashamed of his appearance, it was merely that he was so unused to having the eyes of another on him like this. And they were on him. He didn't need the force to sense the other man’s gaze, although it did make the experience so much headier. Maybe it was the heat of the water, but Dameron’s vice like grip on their connection seemed to be slipping little by little. He could feel the stress and tension leach out of the rebel’s body as the hot water began to work its magic. Kylo resolved himself to get his own clothes off as quickly as possible. The sensation of layers of slightly damp muddy cloth being peeled from his skin was hardly pleasant, but after a couple moments he was able to get his shirt off.

 

Kylo had just let the shirt fall from his shoulders, when one thought in particular bubbled up from the other man’s subconscious, sounding so loud in the tranquil quiet of the cavern.

_God almighty! What the hell is that?_

With a rush, the former knight of Ren felt the sickness, the nausea that ran through the rebel pilot at the sight of his naked back.

Kylo turned his head to face at the darker man, strands of his long hair falling in front of his eyes in his haste. The look on Dameron's face was one of pure horror. It took him a second to realize what would have inspired such an expression; it was the marks left upon him by his “training.’ In a second he had jerked around, now fully facing the other man completely.

 

He felt cornered by Dameron’s eyes, by the sincerity of the emotion they expressed. However, for some reason, it was Dameron that let his eyes fall this time. Kylo watched as Poe looked down at the frothing water that had enveloped him, feeling the rebel clamp down on their link once again. The words were gone, but the music of the man’s thoughts turned dark and stormy.

 

Had he not been so overwhelmed with fury, Kylo might have remarked on how out of character that was. Across the cavern sat the only person in the galaxy who did not fear him, who had looked him in the eyes even as he had tortured secrets out of him. Yet, even the fearless Poe Dameron could now couldn’t bear to look at him now. Kylo could feel the disgust that the pilot was fighting so hard to keep off his face.

 

“What? Am I so grotesque that you can’t bear to look at me?” He let the words land like the cracks of a whip. Dameron didn’t answer, he was still looking down into the pool, as though the secret to all of the mysterious of the universe could be found in its hazy depths. “Is that it? Am I too damaged? That’s it, isn’t it? You wondered why I wore so many layers, all that black, billowy nonsense. Well now you know don’t you? Now you know why I wanted to be alone. It's what monsters do. They run away to dark places to tend to their wounds alone. That's what you’ve always thought of me, I see it now!” He was so caught up in the swell of his passion that he did not notice the way, the other man’s face had twisted into a look of agony.

 

Kylo went on, although he hardly knew what he was saying. “You wouldn’t understand though. People like you who do not know what it means to suffer for years on end without complaint.  To be told that they must be broken to become what destiny desires them to be.” He laughed, a sickening, mirthless laugh. To think, he had been admiring the marks on the other man’s body, just moments ago, thinking how they had shown him for what he truly was: a soldier. No, there was no similarity between the thin lines that dotted the supple flesh of Dameron’s chest,

“Even you have your scars, Poe. But yours are of a different sort from mine. Yours are the marks of a hero. How many of those did you earn in the process of saving someone's life, or protecting others from villains like me, hmm?” He stepped forward, stepping gently into the pool, smiling all the while. It was a terrible smile. Cruel, broken, and so full of the sadness he felt swirling within him. He didn’t know whether he wanted to cry, or whether he wanted to rage, so he settled on laughing once again. The sound reverberated around them, echoing in that hollow cold way that only such laughter can. “Yes. Mine were not earned, like yours were. Mine were given to me in order to rip me apart, to make me scream. For no other purpose.” They were so close now, that he could hear the pilot’s shallow breathing. Without knowing what he was doing, Kylo extended a hand to trace a nearly faded line across Poe’s chest. “They even look different. These don’t bare any of the cruelty...That's the thing though. I always thought that he tortured me to make me stronger… but that wasn’t it at all. All of these,” suddenly he seized the Poe’s arm, dragging it up to the still angry lines that covered his back and shoulders, “All of these were meant to turn me into the monster that stands before you. He meant to drive me mad, to turn me so far away from the light that I would do whatever he asked of me.” Kylo raised his eyes, so that he was making eye contact with the rebel, before speaking again. “You see I was already a monster, but that wasn’t enough. I had to be a slave as well. Now you've seen my brands,” he giggled maniacally. The heat of the water had gone to his head, making the whole world seem hazy. The sunlight caught Dameron’s eyes in such a pretty way, making the fire in them shine with the same vengeful glow as his lightsaber. It was intoxicating.  Kylo felt as if his heart would beat out of his chest, or maybe that was Dameron’s? He couldn’t be sure anymore, what was his and what belonged to the dark skinned man. Poe suddenly wrenched his hand back from where it had been resting on Kylo’s shoulder, using it to seize the force wielders jaw in an iron grip.  

 

Kylo felt the force surge around them as that strong hand gripped him, crushing almost to the point of pain. Only it was not the calming energy that it almost always was when he pulled it close to him. It was angry, burning, and so powerful that he felt as though the very breath had been sucked from his lungs, the life from his body. The blue water seemed to grow hotter, as the currents of the force wrapped around them- and yet, all Kylo could do was look at the smaller man.

“Stop,” Dameron whispered. His voice was measured, strained as if he was holding back and explosion. There was so much force behind that one little word, that Kylo found himself obeying without even realized, feeling as though he had been struck. Dameron was looking at him now. His eyes were narrowed, teeth grit in what could only be described as a snarl of rage. The pure hatred coursing through the energy the other man emitted was so strong that it snapped Kylo back to reality with a sickening crack. There was a whimper. Kylo barely noticed that it was he, who had made the sound.  

 

What had he done? What had he said to inspire such pure, unadulterated hatred and fury in the other man? The horror he felt must at his own words must have been written on his face, as Kylo saw something in the Dameron’s eyes soften. Yet, Poe did not let go of his chin. Instead, he reached around the force-wielders waist with his other hand, pulling him into something that was almost an embrace.  The water sloshed around them with the abruptness of the movement, but neither seemed notice.

 

Those dark eyes were almost black now. Dameron was bathed in the dying light of the afternoon, hair caught on some non-existent breeze.

“When I find the beast that did this to you...and I will find him, I swear to god-No. I swear to you, that I will kill him myself,” there was no lie in his voice, only pure certainly, cruel and magnificent, “and when that's done Ben, I swear to you on my life, that I will bring you his bloody fucking head and lay it at your feet.” With that, he released his hold on Kylo and sank back against the rocks, eyes drifting shut.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little bit loopy, but I hope that I have managed to do justice to these two characters and to the complexity of emotion that Ben/ Kylo is going through as he realizes what Snoke has done to him at that all of his suffering has really destroyed him. Next chapter there will be a lot more background on how he ended up going to the dark side of the force, because I feel like it is really affecting his character now, but you guys haven't been able to see what happened with all of that. So, next chapter I will give that some time so that you have context for these realizations. Anyway, this was actually really hard for me to write and I was kind of worried that it wouldn't make sense, but I hope that you guys like it.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe had a realization that changes everything, Kylo is just confused and uncomfortable- until he isn't.

For how long they stood there, neither was quite sure. In fact, it felt precisely as though time had stopped, wanting to preserve this moment for as long a was possible, this moment of perfect stillness. The light streaming in from the hole in the rock above, had changed, now a golden glow it bathed them in an angelic light. Dameron’s features seemed deepened, almost accentuated by it. That dark hair shone like jet, his skin shone like the perfect bronze of a statute. Kylo was paralyzed once again by the beauty he saw, but also by the grim exhaustion that was fixed on Dameron’s face. He looked truly like the warrior he was now, like one of the gods of old worshipped by soldiers before they went off to battle.  All of that boyish charm, faded away, and someone entirely new was left in its place. Perhaps, he mused, this is who Dameron truly was under the sarcasm and the jokes- or maybe not, but if that was the case, who was he to begrudge the rebel his mask? The silence wrapped tighter around them, until it was almost crushing. Kylo’s head was spinning, trying with no avail to understand what had just passed between them. Dameron had made his a promise- and what a promise it was! The force-wilder tried to imagine a blood stained Dameron, returning to him, his dark mission completed. But of course that was impossible, Poe didn’t stand a chance against his tormentor and moreover the whole thing was nonsense!  

Why would Poe Dameron, hero of rebellion forces, promise such a thing to Kylo Ren destroyer of worlds? God, it was as if the universe was playing some sadistic trick on him. Offering him hope, no-Salvation! Only to take it away again. There was no way that the pilot knew what he had said, and yet his soul had not lied. Of this Kylo was sure, and that certainty that the pilot had meant it was even more horrifying than all of the empty words in the word. Suddenly he felt something hot and stinging fall down his cheek. It was a tear, soon his vision was blurred His eyes filled with the beginnings of  tears of confusion, anger, sadness, happiness even..his skin felt to tight on his body and for a moment he wished he could peel it all off. Kylo longed to be free of the stuff, to feel the wind on his bare beating heart. They way Dameron spoke, protective- no! Possessive of him, as though he was protecting what was his, but not in a way that one spoke of an object, a trinket, no- the way one spoke if they possessed another human being body and soul. No one had ever spoken to Ben Solo like that, never in his entire life. Certainly, no one had ever spoken to Kylo Ren in such a way. He was a force of nature, not something one claimed a right to, or protect. He shook his head, scoffing at the thought. It was nothing but the heat! He couldn’t think, his head was filled with fog and smoke, he couldn’t breathe. The whole world was spinning off kilter and yet here they stood, fixed, unmovable. The former knight felt that if he moved away from Dameron, he too would be caught up in its violent rotation.  

“How can you offer that..to me..so easily?,” Kylo gasped at last, voice sounding unsure, broken and hushed even in the cavernous quiet of the cave. He watched with shuddering anticipation as Dameron’s eyes fluttered back open, but that expression of cold certainty did not leave the pilot’s handsome face. The force-wilder could feel the power that still emanated from Dameron in waves, or maybe that was just the heat of the water taking hold of his already troubled mind. Yet it felt so real. With every breath he felt that cool determination roll through him. Crashing through his own sadness like waves against the shore. 

Kylo felt those brown eyes on him, boring their way into his soul, but he could not return their gaze. However, did not dare to back away from Dameron, as if the spell would be broken if he did so. The force swelled around them once again, and he leaned closer. Something in it made him feel almost whole, as if some long empty part of himself had been filled up at last. Kylo’s breath came out in stuttering spurts, he was losing all control, losing his mind.  

Every fiber of his being was screaming for an answer, but he kept still. He would wait for Dameron to tell him of his own accord, but only because he was too weak to scream and shout- to pull it out by force. When at last Dameon spoke, his voice was measured, carefully controlled as though he was holding something back. 

“You know, they had springs just like these on my home world. They weren’t in caves though..no, you had to climb up this huge mountain to get to them, and they were open,’ he tipped his head back, as though in that moment he were back there. Kylo listened intently, trailing every last syllable. 

“You could lean back and look up at the sky- god it was so blue..it seemed to go on for miles and miles. People there, from my town, believed that if you made your way up to the top and were deemed worth by the mountain gods, you would be granted with a vision,’ Poe snorted, as though this were the most absurd though in the world, his brow furrowing as if in confusion. “I, of course, thought it was complete and utter bullshit. Just the heat, and maybe the dehydration from the hike up there- maybe something in the water, some sort of chemical,’ Dameron trailed off as though he wasn’t quite sure where he was going with this story. Kylo was by now equally confused as to what the pilot was trying to tell him, but he was in no condition to protest. 

“Anyway, the day before I left to join the resistance, I figured, why not give it a try,’ he chuckled but there was no amusement in it, merely a sort of sad regret. “So I got up at the crack of dawn and hiked all the way up that goddamn mountain. It was hot that day and by the time I got to the springs I thought I was going to drop dead, but I made it.” 

Kylo watched, transfixed by the way the pilots eyes flashed with each new emotion. It was chaotic, overpowering, and he couldn’t bring himself to look away. If the pilot was aware of the effect he was having on the other man he did not show it. Instead he just kept talking, eyes fixed on the former Knight or Ren. 

“I sat in that water for god knows how long, waiting for my belief to be confirmed: that there were no visions and that the whole thing was nonsense. It was just about getting dark, when it happened. I had a vision! can you believe it?’ Poe’s voice was soft now, almost reverent at the thought. Kylo wasn’t sure how to respond, or even if he was meant to, and so decided to remain quiet. 

“It’s fine if you don’t. Honestly, I didn’t believe it either. The point I’m trying to make,’ he looked Kylo dead in the eye, “is that I understand it all now. I think I’ve known for quite a while, but I guess I was to thick to put it together until just a moment ago.” 

“Understand what?” Whispered Kylo, still leaning in ever closer, as though he were afraid he might miss the answer.  They were so close now that he could practically feel the rise and fall of Dameron’s chest. Poe did not draw back, but instead his eyes seemed to grow darker. 

“When I was little, I used to play with these other boys from the base. Our parents were gone on missions a lot, so we would have a lot of time together. No one really watched us, to busy I guess. Anyway, one of the boys was rather sickly, slow too, the perfect recipe for a victim. The other saw it automatically, I did too… but I wasn’t cruel, not like them…” he broke off, face darkening slightly at his words. Even this was so small, that had Kylo been a few feet away he might have missed it. However in this proximately, he could see everything, feel every little ebb and shift of emotion.  

“They would tease him, torture him even, it was little things. Tripping him so he fell onto the tarmac, putting rivets on his seat, showing him up against the hangar walls. As these things do, it escalated as we got older.  One day, I was about fourteen, I found them beating him senseless behind a hanger...Not bad enough to do permanent damage, but enough to bruise him for weeks. I wasn’t even supposed to be there..normally I did my school work around 2 in the afternoon, but not that day. I didn’t know why, but It was like there was some imaginary force telling me that I needed to go for a walk around the hangers…” 

“Did you stop them?” Kylo asked hurriedly, eyes wide. 

“Yes,” Poe laughed again, that cold mirthless laugh. “I made sure those bastards never dared hurt him again, not that it mattered. It wasn’t long before they found someone else to take their anger out on. But, you see, I've realized now what it was that pulled me too him?” There was something almost excited about they way he spoke now. “It was his suffering. I sensed it, from half the base away I knew he was being injured. As I got closer it was almost as though I could feel it- as though it was happening to me, or had happened in some past life. Of course I later dismissed it as a coincidence- you’d be surprised how easy it is to do that..or maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe you know exactly how easy that it.”  He broke off again, as though considering how to continue. 

“ I didn’t mention it to anyone, but from that day I always knew when someone was going after poor weak little John. Those idiots though I was some sort of magician, the way I would always find them... It didn’t stop there. When we would go on missions I would always feel it, that suffering. Only in small doses, enough to make me feel sick to my stomach, but never enough to drive me mad. That's what it would have done too...a person can only take so much suffering.”

The heat seemed to be decreasing, the haziness in Kylo’s mind fading away with each second. 

“That little boy..the one you saw in my memories, the one you were curious about? I felt every second of his agony, until the peace of death came over him.” 

“Why are you telling me these things?” He breathed, conscious now that his head was beginning to clear of how close they truly were. The force-wielder could now feel the heat of the other man’s breath on his cheek. It was intimate and yet never in his life had Kylo felt more comfortable in the presence of another human being.  

Dameron smiled at him now. It was warm, lovely, and just a little bit sad. The same look he remembered seeing on his father’s face before he fell over the edge. 

“Because I understand it all now. That vision, on the mountain, do you know what the gods granted me? Suffering. They showed me vast, unimaginable, suffering- and then, they showed it disappear, as though it had never existed. Of course I thought it was nonsense, a fever dream brought on by dehydration and exhaustion, but I see now that it was the future. Protecting Jonathan on the base, feeling soldier and civilians perish in the fires of war, feeling the life slip away from that boy, it was all in preparation for you.” 

“Me?” Kylo was stunned and at the same time nothing had ever seemed so reasonable. It was as though he had always known, had simply forgotten that this was the reason for everything. It was fact, as true as that the sky was blue. Poe leaned forward now, so that that his forehead rested gently on Kylo’s shoulder. He looked for all the world as though he had lost the strength to hold himself up. The force-wielder stood perfectly still, not daring to move even a muscle. He half heard, half felt the pilots next words. 

“Yes. You. All of it, all the suffering has been for you, because the gods knew. I was a disbeliever, a cynic, but they knew. Oh, they must have seen the suffering that would reside within you Ben Solo. They must have realized that feeling so much suffering would have driven anyone insane, and so they began to prepare me. Numb me too it, so that when I sensed the suffering within you I would not be driven mad by it...and it seems they have only partially succeeded. I am not numb to you suffering, in fact quite the opposite. I was consumed by it-and now help you bear the burden of it. How can I promise to kill him so easily you ask?” Poe laughed gently, the sound vibrating through Kylo’s skin, touching his heart.  “Because the gods sent me to you for this purpose, and because no man should have to suffer what you have. Nobody, no matter who retched, deserves to have there soul ripped from their body and burned before their very eyes. No one deserves to be made into a monster, especially not you. For I think you were shining once..bright and pure, before he dragged you through the muck and the filth of the world. I will end that suffering Ben, because I was always supposed too. Just as you were always supposed to find me on Jakku.” 

**“You can’t know that.. You can’t know for sure…” Kylo was shaking now, unsure of what to do, what to say, what to think. Poe raised his head from where it rested on the former knight’s shoulder, looking at him with warm brown eyes. He raised a callused, tan hand, pushing a stray strand of black hair behind Kylo’s ear. ‘I am sure.. _And even if I wasn’t sure... it wouldn't matter...because it is what I choose to believe, Ben.”_ His voice rang clear and full in Kylo’s mind, the link between them open once more.   **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I know I said we were going to get some Kylo background in this chapter, but I really felt I couldn't just leave with Poe acting kind of odd and possessive, so I decided to just finish off that part of the interaction. We do get some more about Poe though, so I guess there was some background.. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it and would love to her your thoughts! Next chapter will definitely be about how Kylo ended up under Snoke's influence. I also want to warn you that some curve balls are about to be thrown, so prepare yourselves! Love you guys and hope you continue to enjoy these two idiots trying to deal with emotions.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's journey to the dark side of the force, and how fear pushed him into Snoke's waiting arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be set in the present, probably a Poe perspective chapter because writing Kylo/ Ben is truly exhausting. Hope you guys enjoy, because this chapter was kind of difficult to write, and I am not really sure how I feel about it yet. 
> 
> Also, warning for some abuse (not much worse then in many of the previous chapters, but it does involve children, so just a heads up about that).

Ben had been waiting for this from the moment he had requested permission to land. To be honest, he was surprised it had taken so long. When he had first arrived, the Organa estate had been blanketed in the shadows that came with the setting of the sun. He had landed his small shuttle down on the landing strip, which lay a few minutes’ walk away from the main compound.

It had been years since his last visit. In his absence, the place he had once called home had taken on an almost alien appearance. Gone were the toys he had always left scattered on the ground, the spare parts left over from his father’s incessant tinkering. The whole place was manicured, empty of the chaos that had made it home all those years ago. Something about it made him unbearably sad.

 

It was spring. The flowers had bloomed, the trees had grown thicker, and there were even more guards than usual. As he drew ever closer to the lighted house, the cool nighttime breeze wrapped its tendrils around the tall young man, trying desperately to lull him into a sense of security. These attempts were not only unsuccessful, but made him even more conscious of the gravity of what he had done.  He was not meant to be here. Even the very air reeked of malcontent- as if the planet itself was calling out to him, warning him of what laid in wait.

He didn’t listen.

 

As Ben made his way to the main house, bag thrown over his shoulder, he counted about twenty or so heavily armed security personnel. They were dressed in the typical rebellion uniform, eyes carefully focused on the perimeter as if waiting for some imminent attack. In hindsight it made sense, after all, it wasn’t like anyone was under the illusion that the rebellion, or the republic for that matter, would last ten minutes without his mother. God, the whole galaxy would probably be beyond saving without her. Therefore, with the First Order growing increasingly belligerent, not to mention powerful, it made sense that the general would have a larger guard.

 

It had been strange to be back in his room after so many months away. As much as the compounds exterior had changed, everything in his bedroom was exactly as he had left it. The painted constellations still shone when the lights were turned off. All of his books were still resting in their specific places on the shelf, even the small plant he kept on the window still was still there- although it was wilting slightly. Yet, there was something off putting about it all. That night he slept on the floor, wrapped up in his jet black comforter.  He had tried to sleep on the bed, but the mattress felt far too soft underneath him to be comfortable.

 

_The pallet he had been given upon his arrival at the temple felt like solid rock beneath him. Ben tried to hold his tears at bay, but soon the sadness became too much for such a young boy to contain. He wept, the tears stinging, burning down rosy cheeks. The dark haired boy was ashamed, ashamed of the homesickness that threatened to rip him to shreds. Yet, it wasn’t simply shame at missing his home, his own warm bed, it was also the shame that came with fear. He was supposed to be brave, his father had said. Without him and the others, there was no future for the Jedi. To a little boy of eight, such grand concepts meant little and yet more than anything else in the galaxy. Ben Solo wanted to be brave, but he also wanted his mother._

 

His mother had returned the next morning, assistants, advisors, and other hangers on in tow. Ben had been enjoying a cup of tea in the kitchen with a large ginger cat curled contentedly on his lap. Fluffy, had pushed his way into Ben’s room and slept on his stomach for half the night. Considering the fact that the animal was almost as old as Ben himself, it was a miracle the old ball of fur was still breathing. He absentmindedly, ran a calloused hand through the cat's fur, enjoying the warmth of its small body.

 

It had been a long time since he had been able to eat real food. The greyish slop he and the others were served hardly compared to the waffles, eggs, and bacon Martha, the housekeeper, had whipped up for him.

 

He had awoken to the small woman pounding on his door, telling him that if ‘he didn’t get his malnourished ass down to the kitchen, he would be having water for breakfast’. Martha had always been like that, an unapologetic hard-ass, but there was no denying that she loved him and he loved her. Hell, if it wasn’t for that woman he probably never would have eaten anything besides nutrition bars and coffee. It wasn’t as if Princess Leia, General of the Rebellion cooked. The old woman had fussed over him all morning, going on about how big he had gotten, how handsome- Sometimes it was easy to forget that it had been almost eleven years since he had last seen her. Eleven years and yet, despite everything, it felt as though it was only yesterday that he had first arrived at the temple. Ben remembered it even now, although the memory was tinged with bitterness- fading around the edges.

 

If General Organa had been surprised to see her son, she kept it well hidden, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before marching off to whatever appointment she had next. Ben spent the rest of the day lazing about. He thought about going out to the lake for a quick swim, but decided against it. All in all it was a good day, until it wasn’t.

The first indication of what was to come, was the arrival of one Han Solo that very afternoon. It had been years since Ben had seen his mother and father at the same time, let alone in this house.  

 

Yet, at dinner that night they sat in silence, or made vague attempts at small talk that fizzled off into more silence. His mother would often open her mouth, as though about to say something, but would then think better of it and remain quite. His father was equally silent, but he instead opted for tapping his knuckles gently across his thigh under the table in a way that was supposed to be subtle, but really wasn’t at all.  That night Ben went to sleep feeling incredibly uneasy.

 

_Uncle Luke’s, no- his mind supplied, ‘master’s’ blue eyes were as cold as ice as he surveyed the small group before him. Ben felt incredibly small as the larger man’s gaze finally turned to him. When his master spoke, his voice was cold and calm, those dead eyes staring straight into Ben’s own. “Step forward Solo.” The teen flinched, but did as he was commanded. Ben had no desire to face the consequences of disobedience. His master addressed the rest of the apprentices now, “Look at him everyone, watch carefully.” The blue eyes man turned back to his young nephew. He raised a hand, lifting a small earthen jar into the air, letting it hover. “I am going to let go of it, and I want you to keep it in the air. A simple task,’ there was a sickening pause before he continued, ‘should you be able to control your emotions.”_

 

_The dark haired boy winced at the sharpness in those blank word, but nodded, fists clenching in determination. This time would be different, he was sure. He had spent hours meditating over the past months, learning to control the swell of emotion that raged within him. It was with a small degree of hope that Ben steeled himself to catch the little blue jar. The other apprentices watched with baited breath, as the tall boy tensed. His long hair fluttered gently on the breeze as he waited for the jar to drop. The force gathered around him, pulsing through him with every breath. When the jar fell, he caught it, holding it steadily for a millisecond before something dark swept through him and it shattered into a million pieces._

 

The next morning was equally tense. Thee three of them had sat down to have breakfast, and for a moment, Ben had thought that perhaps it was going to be a repeat performance of last night’s silent dinner. However, the determination he felt radiating off of the general indicated otherwise. She was dressed as she always was, crisp jacket, spotless white shirt, creaseless pants. Greying hair was knotted up in some incredibly intricate braid that made his own attempt at a loose ponytail seem pathetic. One might have thought Leia Organa was about to debrief the senate, not sit down to breakfast with the family.

 

The sun shone down through a large skylight, bathing the whole room in a warm glow.

The round table was set almost extravagantly, despite the fact that it was only the three of them. One would have thought they were hosting visiting dignitaries. There were pitchers of orange juice, kettles full of coffee and tea, platters of eggs, sausages, pancakes, and bowls of fruit. It was excessive to say the least, but he never would have expected anything else from his mother. All she ever did now was entertain.  

 

The only comfort was that at least his father looked just as out of place, if not more so, than he did. As their eyes met, Han smiled at him. His tired eyes crinkling up around the corners in the way they had done when Ben had put together his first droid. However, the smile vanished when General Organa started to speak.

 

“Ben..Sweetheart,” she began, voice steady and sure as ever, “I think it’s about time we had a talk, all of us together.” The last words were accompanied by a pointedly look at Han, who gave a halfhearted nod of agreement before taking yet another gulp from his coffee cup. She turned her gaze back on her son, who was staring intently at the remnants of a waffle on his plate.  For a moment he was perfectly still. An eerie hush came over the dining room and a tense chill seemed to permeate the air. Both Han and Leia felt something blow through them; a freezing, dark, power, that seemed to wrap around them, constricting their veins- choking the air from their lungs. Yet, just as quickly as it had come, the strange sensation faded into nothingness.   

 

_“You must learn to control yourself. Every time you let your emotion get the better of you, you risk losing control. It’s simple. All of the others have learned to let go, and yet, you,’ his master’s voice was as calm as ever. Ben hated it, hated the way the words sounded to even, so measured. “You are incapable of it.” Ben felt the anger grow within him as the others gazed on, eyes as unfeeling as those of his uncle. The hated them all, wished they would drop dead, wished they would vanish into nothingness in front of him. “Your emotions make you weak, make you slow, they dampen your connection to the force, even worse they make you a liability to those around you. How can you be expected to fight for the republic, to make a difference, if you cannot even control yourself?”_

 

“Ben,” said Han, voice uncharacteristically soft, “Son...” The smuggler trailed off, when the long haired young man at last seemed to break out of whatever strange trance he had been in.

 

With a gentle sigh Ben let his fork fall onto his plate. The sound it made as it fell lightly onto the china sounded like thunder in the perfect silence. He leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest in a way that seemed to be more of an attempt to protect himself then a show of defiance. The dark haired young man had been dreading this moment, but as he sat and prepared himself for the inevitable onslaught he felt exceedingly calm and collected. Ben Solo looked for older than nineteen in that moment. His handsome face was twisted into a cold mask, impenetrable and frightening. Tilting his head to the side, he met his mother’s tired gaze and waited for the sword to fall.  

 

“Ben, why are you not at the temple with your uncle?” It was a simple question, and yet there was something about the way she said it that set his teeth on edge. Maybe it was her tone, almost condescending and full of a false compassion that made him almost sick. It was the sentiment behind it, the sense that his being here was somehow a nuisance to her- which it didn’t fit into her little plan for him to be here. She talked to him like he was a child, even now! God, he was nineteen years old and still she thought him to be a fool. Ben was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of his father’s voice, warm and weary.

 

“What happened, son? Why’d you come back? Did something happen?” Ben turned his gaze away from his mother's steely eyes and onto his father. Han Solo looked tired, as though even being in this place once again was physically exhausting. Ben couldn’t say he blamed him. There was something almost crushing about being in his mother’s presence for too long, especially for someone like his father, who would take open space over a pristine mansion any day. Unlike with his mother, the concern radiating from his father was strong, genuine.

 

Ben had rehearsed his answer so many times, that it rolled almost mechanically off his tongue.

“Nothing happened. I was just tired of it, that's all.” He made sure to emphasize those last words, his voice harsher than he had intended. It didn’t matter though, in fact perhaps it was better to lash out, to scare them off, and stop them from asking anything else.   

 

_Ben threw down his practice sword, eyes wild and bright. It hit the ground with a sickening crack, joining his opponent on the grey stone. The blonde boy’s body looked almost broken, lying limp on the cold floor. Bruised began to form, dark blue, purple. He wheezed something that sounded like words, but was more likely an attempt at a scream. The others looked on in silence. No one dared to move or even to breathe. Instead they watched in silent horror as the dark haired young man raised an elegant hand and lifted the limp body from the ground, fist crushing the air from the blonde boy's lungs._

 

_A force parted the crowd, practically throwing them all aside as Luke Skywalker ran into the room. “Ben!’ the old man shouted. His nephew turned, eyes flashing a brutal yellow before the spell was broken and the blonde boy fell back to the ground. For a moment, there was perfect silence, and then the tall, dark haired man’s eyes grew large. Without sparing a moment, Ben Solo turned and ran._

 

Leia rolled her eyes, expression turning frustrated in a second. “Ben, you can’t just quit because you’re tired of training. You know that.” She turned her irritation on her ex-husband now, as though the whole thing was somehow his fault. “Han, tell him he can’t just give up because something is difficult!”  

 

Han looked right back at her, face distorting into one he had so often worn during their many arguments. For a moment, Ben felt completely at home as he sat there watching his parents argue. “Lord, Leia, give him a break! He knows how important it is that he finish up, but we’ve barely even heard him out. God, we've barely seen our own son in years. Eleven fucking years Leia.”  The pain in Han’s voice was jarring, a sharp contrast to the generals measured tones. The smuggler looked incredibly old and worn, dark eyes full of broken longing. What it was his father longed for Ben couldn’t have guessed, yet the long haired young man felt it as acutely as if it were his own.

 

“I came back,” he began, but quickly trailed off, eyes falling down to his plate once again. Suddenly, he felt a pang of gut wrenching agony run through him. He did not realize his bright eyes were watering until his vision began to blur with tears. One of those salty drops fell from his face, landing in the puddle of strawberry jam below. When he did speak, his voice was a low whisper, shaking with emotion.  “Why can’t we just leave it there? God can’t you just be happy to see your son? Can’ you even pretend for one fucking second that you care about me?” Ben looked up to study his parents, eyes full of angry accusation.

 

It was his mother who responded first, ever the diplomat. “Ben, honey, you have to realize how important it is that you go through with this. I’ve spoken to your uncle and-”

 

“What,” he interjected, gaze rising in a flash to meet him mothers. “What do you mean you've ‘spoken to him’?” Ben hissed. The air in the room seemed to grow impossible colder, even the sun seemed to stop shining.  Han’s hand fell down to the blaster he kept strapped on his hip, although he wasn’t sure why.

 

Leia Organa did not betray the fear she felt at the sudden shift in her son. Instead she continued, slowly, evenly, the perfect picture of calm. “Your uncle Luke said that he was willing to take you back. He told me, that you were almost ready to complete your training, and that when you returned it would only be a short while before you were able to rejoin the others.’

 

Ben looked at her in disbelief, completely dumbfounded. “He said that?” His smooth baritone was oddly disjointed, full of something between amusement and horror.  

 

Leia nodded. “Yes, Ben. He says there is great potential in you...but that you need to work on a few things.” She was cut off yet again, but this time it was by a dark, demented laugh. Something dark seemed to be surrounding her son, making the very air around him buzz with a latent evil.

 

“That’s what he said?” another cold laugh, ‘that's how he phrased it.”  Ben tipped his head back and laughed, uncontrollably. The sound was terrible, broken.

 

_He gasped, falling backwards onto the cold floor below. The impact was little compared to the burning pain consuming his mind. Master Luke’s cool voice broke through the silence “Control yourself, control your emotion. You mustn’t be a slave to it.”_

 

_“I’m trying, master. I just…” Ben trailed off as the onslaught began once again. He saw it all, he saw horrors, and battle fields covered in the rotting corpses of the dead, children screaming, planets burning, his mother and father ripped to shreds by wild beasts. He also saw wonders, the jewel filled caverns of some strange world, a beautiful dark eyed girl, a handsome dark haired man, the flower fields where his father had swept him around in his arms. They seeped into him, saturating his every pore with feelings. The current shifted and suddenly all was dark, a man was screaming something at him, his voice rough and shattered. Ben reached out, trying to grasp onto the other man, but there was nothing he could do. Time slowed and he watched as the unnamed figure fell into the abyss, screaming his name, calling out for him._

 

_The pain stopped, but the emotion did not leave him as it was supposed to. Instead it built, growing into something great and terrible. With a scream, he released it, eyes falling shut as every piece of glass in the room shattered._

 

“Yes,” she continued, unsteady now. “Ben, you can complete your training and become the man you were always meant to be. A Jedi, defender of the innocent, defender of the republic.” He could sense the uncertainty in her every word.  

 

“I won’t do it. I won’t go back, so that I can be stripped of everything by that man, in the name of your precious republic,” Ben spat, venom in every syllable. There was a pause as the words bounced around the room, before falling at his parent’s feet.  The young man rose, running a hand through his hair before turning and sweeping from the room.

 

Han Solo and Leia Organa sat there, motionless, neither daring to speak.   

  


For a moment the apprentice felt as though he could sense the pause between his every heartbeat. The load he carried was no longer a painful weight, but as light as a feather. In fact, all of the strain in his muscles had vanished leaving him feeling weightless. Time slowed to a glacial pace as his vision blurred and the world was suddenly painted with spectacular reds, oranges, yellows. Ben felt as though the universe itself had shifted. A door opened and he reached out with his mind, entering the void that had revealed itself to him. Suddenly the dark haired boy felt the life flowing through other apprentices, through his uncle. He could feel the blood pulsing through them and the beats of their hearts. The fire, for it was a fire, that covered everything seemed to burn brighter. As the heat grew, it consumed him and the presences of his fellow students became clearer and clearer in his mind. Little Frida, dreaming of her home world, Jon, trapped in some swirling nightmare.  Ben felt as though if he reached out to them, he could wake them...or perhaps he could stop them breathing all together.  Then he felt skywalker, the old man’s heart beating at a steady, disgustingly even pace. ‘It would be so easy’, he thought wildly, ‘so easy to extend his hand, and choke the life from the old man’. It was almost time now. He could feel the call to the dark, coursing through him, and soon he would give in. So soon.

 

_It started as a whisper. Just a few faint words, as his head connected with the hard ground. The voice swelled, its whispers growing into something far more tantalizing. The voice consoled Ben as he rose and prepared to take another one of his master’s onslaughts. It told him that there was nothing wrong with the emotions Skywalker tried so hard to beat from him. The weeks went by. Soon the voice had a name: Snoke._

 

_Snoke showed him things. Entering his dreams, when all the others had gone to sleep, filling them with unimagined futures. He showed Ben the things he could accomplish if only he was given the chance. If only he were given the proper master. Ben saw visions of a man, not to different from himself. Anakin. Anakin Skywalker, his grandfather. Darth Vader, the most powerful force wielder of his age. Snoke showed him the fear in Skywalker’s eyes as he looked at his young nephew._

 

_The torture continued. Every day he would train. Everyday Skywalker would attempt to numb him to the emotions, but every night Snoke would show him the power that laid within them._

 

As the young man stood, lost in his vision, his shoulder length brown hair danced around him as though caught in some imaginary wind. Lean muscles flexed, as the aircraft was raised impossibly higher. Brown eyes flashed a maddening yellow gold.

 

“Focus, Ben!” Uncle Luke’s voice cut through the haze that had taken over his mind, bringing with it a shock that sent him tumbling back to reality. With a pained shout, the long haired young man collapsed onto the hard ground. He was followed shortly by the ancient x-wing he had been holding fifty feet off the ground. The slightly dewy grass felt cool against his sweaty skin, although it gave his sore limbs little relief. The sun had begun to make its way from behind the thick layer of clouds. Its pale rays caressed his recumbent form, making his pale skin shine until it was almost translucent. Chest heaving, Ben closed his eyes and began counting backwards from ten. Eventually his heart stopped racing and his breathing returned to normal. For the first time since his return to this place over a year ago, Ben Solo felt alive. He felt powerful- he felt ready to take the final step.

 

_He ran to the lake, not knowing where else to turn. The water cooled his burning flesh, clearing his mind. When he saw his father approach the dock he almost ignored him. Perhaps it might have all been different had he simply left- had he not allow the fear in his father’s eyes- the love- to drive him back to the temple- back to Skywalker. As he looked into his father’s warm brown eyes he saw the worry there, and felt it reflected into his own soul. Perhaps it was that fear that drove him back- the fear that he would become the monster that his uncle saw within him._

 

_The next day he said goodbye to his mother and father. Two days later he was back at the temple, back to the beginning of it all._

 

With some effort, the young man rolled onto his front, pushing himself up to his feet with shaking arms. Luke Skywalker was waiting for him, icy blue eyes hard and emotionless as he looked at his apprentice. Skywalker had stood completely motionless as he waited for his apprentice to recover. By the time Ben had risen, the clouds had once again shifted to cover the sun from view, leaving the small clearing grey and gloomy as ever.

 

Ben took a second to assess the grim faced man he had once called ‘master.’ Those sunken blue eyes flashed, wizened hands rested upon his hip, as if reaching for a saber that wasn’t there. The dark haired man could hardly think of a time when his uncle had been without the weapon. It was foolish of him, really. Then again, hadn’t Snoke said as much? Skywalker had always been weak, foolish, too good, but it was his age that had truly done him in. The fire of youth had gone, and all that was left was a pale shadow of a bygone age. The old man was so far removed from reality that he had failed to notice- failed to take action. It was far too late now. At that, the apprentice smiled. It was a cold, dead smile, devoid of any true happiness. To see such a look on one so young sent a tremor through the old man, one that Ben did not miss.

 

“What did I tell you?’ His uncle's voice was as blank as his scarred face and yet the disappointment, no- the distaste behind them was overpowering.  ‘Your emotions are getting in the way, blocking you from truly channeling your energy into the force. You let your emotions in and you lost control. If I hadn't been here to snap you out of it you might have hurt someone.”  Perhaps he had been unfair earlier. Maybe there was some part of Skywalker that had always known, that knew exactly what was happening, but had simply not wanted to see it.

 

Ben looked the older man straight in the eyes, chuckling darkly, as the understanding he saw in them. One long finger tapped rhythmically against a muscles thigh. When the dark haired man finally spoke, his deep voice was filled with a barely suppressed loathing of the kind that took years to build up and even longer to refine. As Skywalker watched him, blue eyes betraying no small amount of fear, Ben Solo steeled himself. For a moment the young man felt as though he were standing upon the precipice of a great abyss.  Once the floodgates were opened, there was no turning back, never any turning back.    _Have no fear. You are ready for this. You were meant for this. This is the moment. Seize it, and become the man that you were always destined to be._ Snoke’s words brought a sudden calm over him, and all doubts were erased, as though they had never existed. It was time. It was time for Ben Solo to cast off his disguise, and become who he was always meant to be.  

 

_Snoke showed him what waited for him should Ben choose to fall into the darkness. He showed him a life of freedom, of power he could barely even imaging. Soon all was made clear to him. The reason for the abuse, for the torture Skywalker had subjected him too from his first day at the temple._

 

“Hurt someone? Who exactly would I have hurt, Master?’ Ben spat out the title, voice filled with venom, before laughing, soft and dangerous, “the only people here are you and I! Not that it matters, because you know something, master?” Ben stalked forward, until he was almost toe to toe with his uncle. His voice had shifted into a low purr, and his eyes flashed with a dark power that threatened to rip loose. “Do you know what I think, Master?’ The long haired man continued conspiratorially, “I think, you’re worried that I'll hurt you. That I am stronger than you…”  

 

With a flick of one long, elegant finger Skywalker was thrown back against the rocks. The Jedi fought against it but the force that held him there merely pushed harder. “You would be correct, of course. I am stronger than you.” Another flick of his wrist, and Skywalker was lifted up and suspended above the dewy ground. “All those years I did whatever was asked of me,’ he slammed the blue eyes man down, “All those years I tried so hard to please you, and for what? So I could be a slave to the republic’s will? Your slave, stripped of emotion, of feeling, of the ability to ever love?” Ben’s voice was a whisper, harsh and far more jarring than any scream. “All those years I called you master, but Snoke found me. He liberated me from the chains you tried to put me into. My new Master began to show me the power of the dark side, the freedom. But you know, he showed me far more than that. I used to wonder what I could have possible done to make you hate me, but I realize now that it wasn’t hatred. You saw it didn’t you, the darkness, and the power. Perhaps, you thought you could beat it out of me, prevent me from succumbing to the call of the dark side. You should have known better, Uncle,” Ben smirked. “After all, I am only a product of my ancestry. You saw your father in me, and it terrified you. Well, you will die knowing that it was only because of you that I have become who I was meant to be. Without you, Darth Vader would have left this world without an heir.” His smile was wide- sadistic- and yet incredibly grim as the last words left his lips.

 

The long haired man released his hold on the Jedi, watching with disdain as the older man tried to rise to his knees on the wet grass. “Ben, please. Don’t do this, you don’t know what you're doing.” Skywalker’s voice was a low wheeze. “Snoke- He isn’t who you think he is, Ben. Whatever he may have told you, it's a lie. He’s going to use you until there’s nothing left of you.”

There was no lie in Skywalker’s eyes, but Ben did not care enough to see it. Instead he reached out once again, channeling the force into a vice like grip around his former master’s throat. He squeezed. Skywalker truly fought now, but it was no use.

 

“Don’t you dare, pretend that you care for me, uncle,” he hissed, control hanging by a thread. “Caring is not something you’re capable of is it? Not anymore at least. Snoke saved me, he has shown me my true place. You were never strong enough, were you Skywalker? Your mind was far too clouded to see the truth: there is no freedom without emotion, no freedom without the dark.” Ben sneered now, thick lips pulling into a bone chilling smirk. With a flick of his wrist he released his uncle, letting the older man crumple onto the ground, before stalking forward. A large hand darted out to lift his uncle’s chin in a vice like grip.

“I’m not going to kill you. At least not today. Instead, I think it would be better for me to let you live to see what happens next. Let’s see if the great Luke Skywalker can remain so unfeeling.”

 

 _“Ben. Don’t. Don’t do this. I know there has always been darkness in you, but there is also light. This is Snoke talking not you. He’s poisoned your mind.”_ Luke Skywalker's even voice rang out in his mind like the tolling of a bell. He must have squeezed his windpipe for too long. _“Don't do this, don’t become a murderer.”_  

 

Ben laughed now, harsh and manic, eyes once again flashing that haunting, golden yellow. “Become? I am merely what you have made me. Without you, I never would have realized who I was. ” With that he closed his fist and Luke Skywalker fell into darkness.

 

When he awoke, it was to the sound of silence. Save for the sound of his own heart beating, there was no other sound of life left at the temple. So it was, that Luke Skywalker, son of Anakin and Padme, became the last of the Jedi.

On a faraway planet, Snoke turned his gaze away from his new apprentice, and laughed. The sound echoed in the vast crystal chamber, making all who heard it shudder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, first things first, sorry about the wait you guys! I've been really busy, but I also needed time to think this one through. I really hope you guys like this chapter and look forward to hearing your thoughts. For those of you who are fans of Luke Skywalker, sorry for making him a cold jerk, but I really feel that as he got older he the stress of his life would probably have changed him quite a bit. In addition, I don't know if I made it as clear as I wanted to, but a lot of the abuse that Ben goes through is because Luke is genuinely afraid of what Ben might do if he turns dark. As Luke and Leia saw the extent of the damage that their father inflicted on the galaxy as a whole, I feel like they would be conditioned to want to prevent something like that from happening at all costs. I personally also really like the idea of people creating the mosters that they fear by trying hard to prevent those same monsters from ever appearing. I hope you enjoy it.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo struggles with emotions. Poe is a real stand up guy. BB-8's disappears and then returns.

Kylo felt as if the world was once again full of color where before it had been black and grey. The soothing ebb and flow of the pilot’s thoughts crashed through him like a wave and suddenly the former knight felt whole, although he hadn’t been aware of any emptiness before this exact moment. Yet the ecstasy that came with this completeness vanished as quickly as it appeared, replaced with a sadness so profound that he thought it might consume him. He felt his lips quiver, holding back sobs or laughter, or maybe a screams. Poe’s deep brown eyes shone now in the fading light, burning like hot embers. The face he saw reflected in those bright eyes, was that of a broken boy, angry and confused, and maybe just a little bit hopeful. His reflection gazed back at him through Poe’s eyes, its gaze piercing. Kylo shivered.

It was the long haired man who broke their gaze, eyes stopping on the strong chest which was only inches from his own. That dark, callused hand remained against his cheek, but it was trembling. For a second, Kylo wondered why the pilot didn’t pull away, why that hand stayed fixed against him. It was the hand of a fighter, of a man who could shoot from any distance and never miss. Or maybe, it was the hand of a man who was not afraid to pull the trigger if it was asked of him- if it was the right thing to do.

Kylo was possessed with the sudden urge to reach out and touch, to fell the pilot’s heart beat against his own; to know that this was real, not some invention of snoke’s meant to torment him. Kylo reached out a strangely steady hand, running a thumb over a long thin scar that ran almost half the length of the darker man’s chest. It was the last remnant of an old wound, raised and precise-almost delicately beautiful. Underneath the scar, he could feel Poe’s heartbeat, steady and loud like the sound of a drum, beating under the pad of his thumb. The pilot shivered, but made no move to pull away, instead he continued to look up at the former knight, waiting for whatever was coming next. The water swirled gently around them, the heat of it making them both glisten with a sheen of sweat. Kylo watched as a drop of sweat slid lazily down the other man’s chest, before vanishing into the pool. It was intoxicating, to be so close and yet to feel as though at any second the world would come crashing down around them both and he would wake up on the floor of Snoke’s crystal hall. There was something horrifyingly new about the feeling in his chest as he finally raised his eyes to look into Poe’s. For the first time in what felt like an eternity Kylo wanted with every fiber of his being. He longed to be worthy of the promises the other man had made to him, to be worthy of the sincere belief that he was worth saving. Yet, how could he be? He wanted to ask the other man, to understand why he hadn’t left him- why Poe was willing- no, how he was able to see through the darkness that had left broken worlds in its wake. All of these words, these pleas, bubbled up within him, but never quite took form. The emotion was too heavy to be borne by mere words.

The sun was rapidly setting now, filling the caverns in the last golden flames of day. Soon there would be nothing but blackness, and the gentle ebb and flow of Dameron’s thoughts. ‘Better than being alone in that darkness,’ the thought flickered across his mind. Although, he could not help but feel that perhaps it was worse. Worse to have dragged another person, a good man, into the abyss with him. Wasn’t that why he had run away from it all, out to the ends of the universe? Hadn’t it all been to prevent anyone, anything, else from being dragged down with him, or burned to cinders in his wake? Why was he here?

At last, Kylo opened his mouth to speak, the question so recently in his thoughts, pushing gently against his lips- on the tip of his tongue. However, before he could give it voice, he was quickly silenced as Poe’s hand moved from where it had rested on his cheek to brush gently against his lips. There was no pressure behind the press of skin against skin, but it was enough to keep Kylo from daring to speak. His voice would no doubt shake if he did.

Poe’s voice was steady, although there was a pleading note beneath every word. And when had it become Poe? Not Dameron, not rebel scum, but Poe. That was odd, wasn’t it?

“No. You don’t have to say anything. Besides,’ Poe smiled again, just as warm and sad as before, “nothing you say will dissuade me of my belief. Nothing.” The pilot’s fingers moved away from his face, that hand dropping down to rest in the water. Kylo shivered at the loss, eyes heavy with barely contained exhaustion. “Come on. If we don’t leave soon we’ll have to walk through that forest in the pitch black, and honestly, I don’t know about you, but I could really use some sleep.” As those words washed over him, Kylo noticed just how tired he was as well. With some effort he raised himself gently from the water, making his way back to the pile of clothing left so haphazardly on the rocks ground.

They dressed in silence, neither really wanting to say anything. Silence is, after all, the easiest place to hide- and Kylo did want to hide.

BB-8 was suspiciously absent from the place where they had left it at the mouth of the cave, but so tired were both men, that neither really noticed. They made their slow, silent march through the trees, listening to the sounds of the evening which swirled around them. For Kylo it was as though he were walking through a dream. Everything felt pale, a cold reflection of itself, blurred. Beside him he could hear the gentle drumming of Poe’s heartbeat. He focused in on it, letting its rhythm lull him into the sleep he so desperately craved. Step after monotonous step, brought them ever closer. When at last they returned home, night had fallen completely and there was no light but that of the stars above.

“Take the bed, you need to rest,” Kylo ordered, half asleep, as he made his way towards the chair from which he had watched over Poe on the first night. He had sat down and kicked off his boots, before Poe spoke. “Are you serious?” The other man’s voice had raised an octave, brows raised so high they threatened to disappear into his hairline. Kylo, consciousness slipping away with ever millisecond, looked back at the pilot dumbly, not really understanding the question. Poe’s handsome face did a series of contortion ranging from pained, to amused, to irritated, before finally settling on exhaustion. “God, you are serious aren’t you,’ the dark man sighed. The former apprentices eyes slowly drifted closed, Poe’s face fading into darkness. Kylo could feel the haze of sleep falling over him, barely noticing as he was pulled by gentle, but firm hands down onto the bed. “Gods, you’re heavy,” a voice muttered from somewhere to his left. The furs felt soft and smooth against his skin, a warm body pressed gently against his back. Kylo slid back, wanting to be closer to that comforting heat. “Sweet dreams, you maniac,” the voice whispered gently against his back. Sleep claimed him.

 

* * *

 

There was a faint beeping noise coming from somewhere on the floor. Kylo pushed his face further into the bed, but it did nothing to block out the sound. In fact, the beeping only grew more insistent. With a pained groan, he pushed himself up into a sitting position, wiping the sleep from his eyes. Poe Dameron’s still sleeping form was splayed out on the other side of the bed. Something within Kylo felt oddly comforted by the presence of the other man’s warm body beside his own- although he didn’t want to even begin to consider what that meant. Nevertheless something within him seemed to have shifted during the night, something within himself, something within the force itself had changed. He felt lighter, as though some weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Perhaps it was merely the effects of a deep, dreamless sleep, but he felt stronger more aware of the force swelling around them.

The pilot’s dark brows were furrowed in a deep concentration, and he was muttering something under his breath about what Kylo could only assume was x-wing repairs. The sunlight streamed in from the window beside them, bathing Poe in golden light. The dark man looked beautiful, shining as he did in the caves, but somehow much softer. Long, dark, lashes fluttered gently, as the man dreamed.

The way Poe’s hair caught the light, made each strand shine, crowning the pilot with a circlet of amber. He looked, Kylo thought absentmindedly, like a king, wise and noble- or at least he did, until he let out a strange sound between a snuffle and a squeak, and began snoring quietly. Kylo felt the small smile form upon his lips, as he looked down at the other man. That steady heartbeat was as strong as ever.

A current of elation ran through the former knight’s body at the thought that it hadn’t been a dream. All of those words- Poe had truly said them, had truly made those mad promises. He let his eyes fall closed, wishing sleep would reclaim him.

The beeping persisted, louder and more grating then before. Kylo, brushing the stray strands of hair behind his ears, turned to look for the source of the offending noise. His gaze was almost automatically met by that of a very large black eye. BB-8 was waiting impatiently at the side of the bed, rolling back and forth frantically.

With a groan that could only be described as violent, Kylo turned to Poe, prodding him awake with a two, elegant fingers. “Wake up, the rolling scrap heap is back,” he snarled. Poe sprang up at the sharp contact, eyes wide and hazy as he looked from the former apprentice to the droid and back. “What? What- Kylo- BB-8?”

Upon hearing its name, BB-8 began beeping frantically all over again. Kylo rolled his eyes, vaguely wishing the little metal ball would shut up and let them go back to sleep, but Poe sprang from the bed. In a second the pilot was in front of the little droid, expression suddenly one of worry as he crouched down to the droid’s level. The sudden change in the pilot’s demeanor immediately set Kylo on edge. Instantly wary, the longhaired man reached down to scoop his saber from where it lay at the side of the bed.

Poe spoke, addressing Kylo although he did not look away from the droid, “BB-8 says that it has intercepted a transmission.” The force wielder tensed, eyes widening in fear before narrowing in calculation. He rose, centering himself gently, as he spoke. “Resistance or First order,” his voice sounded hollow even to his own ears, but he paid it no mind, instead preparing himself for what was to come. If it was the First Order, there was nothing but destruction and death ahead.

Kylo cursed. It had been silly of course to think that this could last- that he could hide hear in paradise until the end of his life. After all, he mused darkly, murderers don’t get happy endings. He had been so childish, thinking he could bloody the face of the First Order and then simply disappear. Anger bubbled up within him, and not even the calming force of Poe’s mind was enough to push it down.

“Resistance.” Poe’s voice was carefully even, as he looked up at the former Knight of Ren. A cool current swept through him as he looked into those shining brown eyes. Without a word, Kylo put his saber down on the bed, posture relaxing slightly- but not much. It wasn’t the order, but the resistance held no love for him. At least it meant that Poe would be safe from Snoke and the rest of them- this strange train of thought was interrupted by the sound of the pilot speaking once again.

“Show it to us.” Poe’s voice was firm and tinged with the same worry painted across his handsome featured. The droid’s eyes rolled back to look at Kylo, who now stood perfectly still at the side of the bed, making a sound that could only be described as mistrustful. Poe followed the droid’s gaze, resting on the saber, before raising to look intently at the force wielder. Kylo gave the darker man a small nod, silently answering the question running through the pilots mind. Poe returned the gesture before turning back to BB-8. “He isn’t going to hurt you, I promise. Go on, you said it was important.” BB-8 beeped in what Kylo could only assume was hesitant affirmation.

The droid rolled away from its master, and in a flash a hologram appeared in the center of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys! I was out of the country for about a week and then I was just really busy so it took me forever to get this written. I hope you enjoy it though. I have really enjoyed reading your comments and hearing everyone's thoughts about the story! Next chapter will be a Poe chapter probably and we will finally hear BB-8's message (I promise). Im going to try and get the next chapter out as soon as possible because I feel super bad about making you guys wait. Can't wait to hear everyone's thoughts on the new chapter. Love you guys!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The message is revealed and it probably isn't what you thought it was. Poe makes a decisions and Kylo...well, he really kind of goes ahead and shows his hand.

The image blurred for a split second, but quickly took the form of a painfully familiar face. Poe gasped, eyes blowing open with shock, as the little blue man began to speak. Although small, and distorted, for Poe Dameron, there was no forgetting that face. God, there was no forgetting that expression. John hadn’t changed much. While the other boys from the base had grown broader, their features more defined, he had merely gotten taller. There was no mistaking that look though. It was the look of a child containing their sobs, putting on a brave face, when the pain was almost unbearable. Trying with all their might to be brave. Poe’s heart sank, thoughts swirling within him like a wild storm- only to be silenced by that shaken voice.

“The First Order has regrouped, they started small, burning villages, before moving to razing cities to the ground. It was minimal compared to the damage the star killer was able to inflict.” Poe leaned closer as the projection’s face contorted into an expression of agony, transfixed, barely aware that the same look had twisted him own features. Something ugly reared its head within his soul as he listened, something almost forgotten. The fear- that’s what it was- he had felt swelling within him from the moment the message had begun intensified in the space between heartbeats. “We thought we had pushed them back, but as of two hours ago...” the blue tinged figure broke off, wiping something from his eyes. A tear, perhaps?

As he watched the image of man who he had defended all those year ago look directly at him, blue eyes teary and resolute, something deep inside Poe told him to run. To rise from where he knelt on the ground and flee- never look back. He tried to move, to blink, to breathe, to do something, but he was fixed to the wooden floor.

For the first time in what felt like a lifetime Poe Dameron could not conquer his fear. Instead, he was hypnotized by it, staring deep into the depths of its inky black eyes, wandering of his own accord into its waiting jaws. A black blur crossed his peripheries, and suddenly Kylo was beside him, a solid mass of calm. The smell of freshly turned earth and something deep and spicy surrounded him as the long haired man leaned into him. Though he did not turn to look at the knight, he could feel those dark eyes boring into him, desperately trying to unravel the twisted knot of his thoughts. There was a sharp intake of breath and then the knight’s hand on the small of his back.

They waited. All the while that large, elegant hand remained where it was, thumb tracing delicate circles. Poe leaned into the touch, if only because he felt it might be the only thing holding him up.

The figure cleared its throat, and resumed. “As of two hours ago, most of the rebellion has been wiped out. There are only a few of us left now…”

The room grew cold, as though all of the life had been sucked from it in an instant. Suddenly, the pilot felt as though there was a weight on his chest, every breath was labored, burning. He wanted to scream, to throw a fit, to break something, but still he couldn’t move. After all, it was not his way to lose his temper even now. A hot tear trailed down his cheek. As the message continued, he felt Kylo freeze beside him. For a moment the room seeming to contract around them both as something dark swept through him.

“General Organa and most key members of high command were off world at the time of the attack, but we sustained heavy losses. It was fast, brutal, far more so than we had thought them capable of in their own weakened state, but the order didn’t walk away unscathed. Standing orders are now to regroup and prepare to launch a last attack…Snoke is pushing for a final battle, to end it once and for all- and we mean to meet him. The location for the rendezvous is encrypted in this message. We will wait for aid as long as we possibly can, but our time is limited, and every second we wait our enemy has more time to prepare.” The figure paused once more, eyes flitting up to meet Poe’s. “Please. Those of you who are out there…you may be our only hope.”

The transmission cut off.

A strange pressure began to build up, and soon it felt as though the whole world would shatter around them. It was only after BB-8 rolled back towards the wall that the pilot began to truly process what this meant. How many of his men had died that day? How many people would he have to mourn? What was he going to do? Poe’s mind went blank, the world before him empty of sound and color. So this was how it ended, he thought. Perhaps, he should be grateful, had he come out here to find Ben Solo, he might just as easily have been another one of the dead bodies that no doubt scattered the base- or what was left of it. A current of shame and guilt swept through him. No, he should have been there. It had been his duty to protect his men, his friends, and he had failed them all. His mother would be ashamed of him for he had broken his promise. As the moments passed he grew more and more lost, trapped within the dark places of his mind. Someone called out his name, strong hands shook him gently.

Something, someone-‘Ben’, his mind supplied- pushed against the boundary of his thoughts. The other man’s presence tangled with his own, and with a rush he was brought down to reality. Without noticing he had fallen sideways into the former knights arms. Poe looked up, seeing the waves of worry crashing behind those stony brown eyes. He rose shakily to his feet, knees wobbling. The force wielder rose with him, hand still outstretched as if he was afraid Poe might collapse at any moment. For once, Poe did not push away the offered help. As much as he wanted to be unaffected, cold, calm and rational, he couldn’t.

With deep breaths, he gathered himself, eyes falling shut in gentle contemplation. All the while he could feel the force-wielder’s gaze upon him, hot and heavy. As Poe slowed his breaths, centered himself, the cogs within his mind were turning. He had to go, of this he was certain, but where would that leave Kylo, where would that leave Ben? He owed his life to general organa, to the rebellion, but hadn’t he also made a promise to the man before him? Was that not just as binding?

He could not bring himself to look at the long haired man as he spoke. “I have to go, and for that I am truly sorry. I won’t ask you to come with me. You’ve already made your choice. You ran from Snoke and in doing so you renounced your part in this darkness. It was the right thing to do. You made your sacrifice. Now, let me make mine. I-” before he could finish he was cut off by a simple word spoken in the force-wielder’s intoxicating baritone.

“Don’t.” Such a simple word, spoken with such gut wrenching emotion that Poe felt as though it would be the end of them both. Would that all of this were as simple as that one little phrase. Yet, there was something else hidden behind that plea, something waiting to be uncovered if only Poe could think. He raised his head to look at the dark eyed man, only to be immediately captured. Ben Solo’s eyes shone with an emotion so pure that they seemed almost to burn as he looked at him. Those petal pink lips parted a hairs’ width, as the former knight looked at Poe, long, dark hair caught on some imagined breeze. And wasn’t that enticing, the sweet siren like call of those eyes? The look Ben Solo gave him was almost enough to sway him. Almost.

“I have to. I know that I’ve made you a promise, and I still intend to keep it. When all of it is over I will come back for you. I will come back and help you to carry your suffering, perhaps to make it disappear. But Kylo-Ben, I can’t desert them in their hour of need. I can’t.”

The taller man’s expression did not darken at the name, instead it seemed to spur him on. Those wide eyes grew brighter, and as it was caught in the light his skin seemed to glow with an ethereal light. His voice was tense, tight and pained as if each word was agony.

“If you go, you will die. All of them will. It’s exactly what Snoke wants, a final battle. Skywalker is waning, his power fades with each hour. The girl. She is strong but she is no match for the rest of the knights of Ren, let alone Snoke himself. It is a fight my mother cannot win. There will be no lucky failsafe this time, no chance flaw in construction to make this all simple and easy. Everyone who goes to join them, everyone who fights- All of them are going to die, and if you go with them so will you.” The former knight was so close now, towering over him, eyes aflame. So close, Poe could feel every emotion roll off the other man in waves of heat.

“Then so be it. If it is what the gods’ desire, then I will die.” The words came from his lips of their own accord. Maybe, before all of this, before Kylo Ren, before Ben Solo and his infinite suffering, he might have meant it. Yet, now there was a certain falsity to them. He would die for the cause, and yet as the knight leaned down, resting his forehead on the tope of Poe’s head, he felt as though there was something worth living for.

“It doesn’t have to be like this, you know. You could stay here. Even if the order is triumphant, which they no doubt will be, they will never be able to find us. I could keep us hidden until the end of time if you wanted.” There was nothing but truth in all of it, and running through it all a current of breathtaking need. Perhaps he only recognized it now, because it was the same need he felt deep within himself.

Poe pulled back, needing to see the other man’s face. “I-” _I want to. I want to run away with you, to spend the rest of our lives free from the past._ _But more than that I want to bring you to my mother’s grave, show you too her, bring her those white lilies she always loved, without the fear of someone striking you down. I want to be free, not have to spend all eternity looking over my shoulder. But more than all the rest I want you to be free too._

Ben kept speaking, eyes growing glassy with the beginnings of tears. He was grave, so sincere in his words that it Poe could not help but tremble. “We could live out the rest of our days in peace here, no one else to kill. No more orders. No more suffering. Just peace and quiet. Stay here…with me. I will protect you. ”

Poe took in a deep strangled breath. A faint light seemed to radiate for the taller man, a hot determination that ensnared the pilots every sense. It pulled him closer to the force-wielder, compelled him to lose himself in those beautiful brown eyes.

The runaway apprentice reached out to him, hand extended. Poe longed to take it, and yet he stopped himself.

“I couldn’t forgive myself if I stayed here in hiding while the rest of my friends gave their lives to protect the galaxy, to protect all the good that remains in this time.”

Ben laughed dark and bitter, eyes still glossy with unshed tears. “Good? The last of that vanished a long time ago. All that is left is grey. You know that. Don’t give up your life for it. Stay. Don’t throw your life away for a lost cause.” _Like I threw away mine, like I ruined everything I ever loved because of my belief_. The last words were left unsaid, but Poe heard them all the same. Hell, he felt them in the way the runaway apprentice looked at him now.

“I already have. I’ve spent my whole life fighting, trying to protect those who needed me. I’ve never been afraid of death.” _Until now_ , he longed to say. _Until I met you and realized that it had all been for something. That all of these years I had been drawing ever closer to finding you. I will go because I want to keep you safe, because there is still good left in this god forsaken galaxy and I see it all in you._

‘Is there anything I can say to make you stay?” The former knight’s voice was soft, even as though he already knew the answer, but still could not let himself believe it.

Poe reached out lifting one of those large hands to rest against his temple. There was a soft thrum as the knight slip past his barriers, sifting through his thoughts the way one would flip through the pages of a book.

“Do you see now,” Poe asked, keeping his voice hushed. The taller man nodded, eyes falling closed in a moment of silent reflection before he could bring himself to speak.

“Yes. I understand…You are a fool Poe Dameron. A noble one, but a fool none the less.” The long haired man smiled, but it was filled with a profound sadness.

Poe returned that small smile with one of his own, before asking “aren’t we all?” Ben didn’t answer, he simple bowed his head.

Pulling away gently, Poe moved quickly purpose to gather his things, motioning for BB-8 to wait outside. He strapped his blaster to his belt, the familiar weight grounding him. So intent was he on not wasting a single minute that Poe barely noticed the other man doing the same thing.

The man who stood waiting by the door looked like Kylo Ren, dressed head to toe in flowing black, saber at his side, long hair loose and hopelessly dramatic looking, and yet it was not Kylo Ren. Ben Solo’s shining eyes met his own, one eye brow raising in challenge, as if daring Poe to say something.

“Ben. What are you doing?” Poe knew the answer, but some strange part of him wanted to hear it fall from those full lips. Kylo smiled once more, as small and sad as ever, although something fierce glinted in those eyes. When he spoke his voice was dripping with sarcasm that sounded entirely too false to be believed.

“Someone has to come along to make sure you fools don’t get yourselves killed. Besides, if you die you can hardly fulfill those promises you made to me, can you?”

No, thought Poe, he couldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! Almost two weeks late, but I am super proud of it and I hope you enjoy reading it. We are approaching the end of this story and I hope to get it done in about three or so chapters, although knowing me it will probably be more like 5. As always feedback is appreciated and I love to hear all of the things you guys enjoy seeing. Thank you guys so much for sticking with this story!


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash-forward, followed by flashback. Kylo takes promises very seriously.

A stray blast whizzed over their heads, making sizzling contact with the metal wall beside them. A stray shot. Down below in the cargo bay could be heard the sound of shouted orders, blaster fire, and commands yelled over the intercom system. Somewhere in the distance, he could hear pilots yelling, controls whizzing and beeping, as fighter after fighter took off. The heavy clunking of hundreds of Stormtroopers boots connecting with cold metallic floors filtered up into the small enclave.

He took a deep breath, effortlessly pushing the noise out. The world slowed, the sounds fading into the background until all that was left was pure focus. Kylo cast his now clear mind into the void, searching for the one heartbeat he had not heard in what felt like an age. His search was a short one. Hux had always been infuriatingly methodical, so it made perfect sense that even his heart would beat in perfect military time. Kylo could practically feel the general pacing to and fro across the front of the bridge.

As for the real reason he was here, Kylo didn’t need to even look. As the three of them stood pressed into a shadowy enclave, the force-wielder began to map out his plan. It would be easy enough to give the others the slip once they drew close enough to the heart of the ship, and yet he felt the need for surety. Somewhere behind his shoulders he heard a faint intake of breath- Poe. There was no room for error now. There was too much at stake, and wasn’t that strange? It should have been overwhelming, the thought that in his hands he held the future- all that could be, that he had something worth fighting for- worth dying for.

Many might feel apprehension at the prospect of going to what was no doubt their doom, and yet that feeling of death breathing down his neck sent shockwaves of euphoria through him. Never had the former knight of Ren felt more alive.

Course finally charted, Kylo smiled, dark eyes flashing as he turned to look at the two men who stood expectantly beside him. The deserter’s face was twisted in a mix of abject horror and something undefinable, as he stood pressed against the wall, blaster by his side. The way he looked at Kylo was the way one would look at a particularly vicious animal. It was probably warranted given the manic quality of his smile, the presence of far too many teeth.

The force-wielder didn’t need to look into his mind to tell that a great deal of that horror had to do with the fact that his ‘psychotic ex-boss” had shown up to terrorize him again. Kylo had to try very hard to restrain himself from doing just that. A small part of him, was after all, slightly bitter about everything that had happened on the star killer. Yet, Poe would hardly approve of such childish behavior especially in the middle of their mission. Maybe later. With a long suffering sigh he turned his gaze on the pilot.

He could not help but take a moment to admire the way the ship’s bright light made every feature on the pilot’s face seem darker, more defined. All of the colors of his eyes, lips, and skin seemed somehow richer, more vibrant than imaginable.

“Well? Do you have anything to report or are you just going to do your best impression of a statue until every last possible one of our friends is shot down,” the deserter hissed. The man had been an unfortunate addition to their little crew. His presence had been irritating at first, but now it was just down right agonizing. When the traitor began attacking him verbally, it took every modicum of self-control within him not to simply reach out and strangle the other man. Honestly at this point the only reason Kylo hadn’t given in to the temptation was the fact that this man was, for some unfathomable reason, Poe’s friend. So, instead of inflicting harm, Kylo decided to simply act as though he wasn’t there. It’s hard to want to kill someone when they don’t exist.

“There are a couple of strays wandering around the halls, it shouldn’t be difficult to get rid of them. Hux is on the bridge as expected, but it shouldn’t be hard to pull him away. The battle outside is turning in our favor. The more anxious he grows the harder it will be to get him away from the bridge. We’re going to need a rather large distraction though,” he turned his gaze on the deserter once more, “which I’m sure I can trust you to create, given your extensive knowledge of this ships schematics, and your general talent for destruction.”

“Destruction! I’m not the one who hacked the ship to pieces more times than,” the traitor trailed off, clearly thinking better of picking a fight with a notoriously unstable force-wielder, who seemed to be looking for any chance to start a fight.

“I’m sorry,” Kylo feigned innocence, “I didn’t quite catch that last bit?” He ran a hand nonchalantly over the weapon strapped to his waist, before looking up at the trooper with narrowed eyes and viscous smirk “were you talking about this?” At the sight of the weapon, the former storm trooper made a noise somewhere between a squeak and a cough, frantically shaking his head. Kylo smirked as he caught the recollection of the ruby red blade slicing through metal and flesh alike flash through the traitor’s mind.

Poe was not amused. “Knock it off, we don’t have time for this. You too,” he rounded on Finn “don’t wind him up. He’s hard enough to deal with as it is.” Although the pilot’s tone was appropriately menacing there was something else weighing on him. Kylo felt it more than anything, leaching through the tight wall the other man had so carefully built around himself.

“Me? He started it!” The traitor’s voice was high, almost manic, as though he couldn’t believe that Poe would side with Kylo. Despite the question of what exactly it was that weighed so heavily on the pilot, and the thought of what was swift approaching, something smug reared its head within him. He gave the traitor a salacious wink, leaning nonchalantly against the wall in a show of defiant ease.

“Poe-but-he-ugh,” the former Stormtrooper trailed off in an exasperated groan when Poe shot him a particularly withering glare. The pilot took a deep breath before continuing.

“Now that you two have decided to stop acting like children, we can move on and get the hell out of here. Finn, you know if there’s something we can blow up near the bridge?” As Poe spoke a panel flashed behind him, illuminating his face with a dark ruby light. For a second it looked to Kylo as if Poe had suddenly caught flame, crackling red like the blade of his saber. It was beautiful.

The traitor smirked, looking more pleased then Kylo had seen him during their short acquaintance. “Yup. I know just the thing.” The glee in his voice at the thought of bringing in the general spoke for itself. Maybe the deserter wasn’t that bad.

Poe nodded, before turning to Kylo. With a sure hand he pulled the former knight further into the enclave, a small ways away from the traitor. It wasn’t quite private, but when the pilot leaned into him, so that his forehead almost brushed Kylo’s nose, the force-wielder ceased to care. Even in this cold, still place Poe smelled fresh, like freshly fallen rain, warm earth, and sunshine. The long haired man couldn’t help but inhale. The pilot’s scent grounded him, inundated him to the core.

“You’re sure Snoke isn’t here?” It was a whisper, more a thought than a phrase spoken aloud. It was becoming difficult to tell which was which. He could hear Poe’s heart, feel it beating bellow his own, as though it was trying to force its way out of his chest and into Kylo’s.

“Yes, I’m sure. I don’t even think he’s deigned to leave his rock.” The lie rolled off his tongue with ease, well-practiced. Yet, the words themselves were tinged with a strange bitterness. He had no desire to lie to the dark haired man, but he had to do what was necessary. Perhaps he would apologize later. He would gladly beg forgiveness if It meant that in one fell swoop they had both been made free. Poe tensed in his arms, it was momentary, but it spurred Kylo on to pull him in tighter. With a sigh the darker man tilted his head back, eyes shining as he looked up at him. Those eyes would be the death of him.

There was something different about the sound of his thoughts as they filtered through into Kylo’s mind. This close he could feel every emotion roll off the other man in waves, crashing slowly into him. When Poe spoke his voice was low, almost a whisper.

“Tell me…Why did you come with me? You didn’t have too- you didn’t-Why didn’t you just stay there...?” Poe’s eyes truly shone now, although there was something far too knowing about the way he asked. It seemed to Kylo as though the other man already knew the answer, but simply wanted to hear him say it.

“Oh my God. Now? You seriously have to talk about this now? Could you not wait until we were somewhere that wasn’t the middle of the goddamn enemy ship,” came the incredulous hiss from the traitor. The man had finished doing whatever it was he and been doing and was now staring at the pair incredulously. “Unbelievable.” Neither Kylo nor Poe paid him any mind, each far too focused on the other to pay any attention.

“Tell me. Tell me now, and I swear to the gods you crazy bastard, if I find out your lying to me I’m going to run you through with that precious glow stick of yours.”

Kylo chuckled gently, pulling the pilot even closer to him. He felt the other man’s hand hesitantly rise to rest on his shoulders. When Poe spoke, his voice was soft, shaking as though on the brink of shedding tears. “Don’t you dare try and tell me it’s because you wanted to make sure I was alive to make good on that promise. I didn’t fall for that bullshit the first time and I sure as hell don’t believe it now. So why?”

“Because I wanted to.”

“So help me god-” Whatever Poe had been planning to say was cut short as the traitor’s shout brought them down to reality once more. “They’re coming, come on.” No sooner had the words left the former troopers lips then an entire squadron of troopers came barreling around the corner. It was only a matter of seconds before they began firing, and then it all descended into chaos.

Kylo ignited his saber, freezing a blaster bolt millimeters from the traitors face. Poe yanked his friend to the side, allowing Kylo to let the burning beam of light crash into the wall. Another bolt barely missed the pilots shoulder. With a growl Kylo set to work. In moments nothing remained of the squadron but a heap of rapidly cooling, white armored bodies. In the distance they could hear the sound of more thudding boots. It was only a matter of seconds before the next group was upon them. He turned to the two men, long hair whipping behind him. The traitor stood frozen, a look of dumb surprise on his face as he took in the blood spattered hallway. Poe on the other hand looked as calm as ever, unphased by the sight of the dark haired man splattered in the crimson blood of others. Somewhere a siren began to blare, low and pulsating.

The sound of boots was drawing closer. “Go! Go now,’ he growled, voice pitched low and dark. “I hold them off and then I’ll be right behind you.” Another lie. For some reason this one made his heart ache. For a moment Poe’s fiery eyes met his own, and with a solemn nod the pilot grabbed the traitor by the shoulder and yanked him down the hall. Once they turned the corner, Kylo shifted his attention to the threat at hand. He swirled the crackling red blade through the air, cutting through it in an elegant arc, before falling back into fighting stance.

It was over quickly. More bodies fell heavily to the ground around him. With a sigh he switched off his saber, cutting off the red glow which had made the corridor seem like a scene from the depths of hell. From somewhere near the bridge, he could feel Poe’s heart beating as though it was nestled next to his own. Safe then. The force wielder sighed once again, but this time it was one of pure relief.

As he walked through the carnage he cast his mind out into the depths of the ship, feet leading him of their own accord towards the pulsating evil coming from its. It was several minutes before he felt the warm caress of Poe’s presence within his mind. The pilot’s voice was triumphant yet tinged with a subtle current of worry. _“We’ve got him. We’ll be at the ship in a few minutes. No matter what happens we’ll wait for you.”_ Kylo felt a twinge of guilt at the sincerity he felt pulsing through each word, but pushed it swiftly aside. No matter how strong the pull to turn and go to Poe, to simple walk away, he couldn’t bring himself to succumb to it. He had to do this. For his sake, for both of their sakes.

Kylo continued his trek through the corridors of the destroyer. Those unfortunate enough to encounter the former knight were dispatched with quick, elegant efficiency. There was neither a need nor the time for rage today. After a few minutes had passed, Poe called out to him once more. There was no anger in Poe’s voice, no outrage, just simple realization, maybe even understanding.

“ _You’re not coming, are you?”_ There it was, the question Kylo had feared from the moment they had set foot on this godforsaken ship. It was not so much the words themselves, but the finality of them. Once that question had been answered there was no more turning back.

He kept his tone even and calm when he responded, careful to mask the current of fear he felt rise deep within himself. _“No, I’m not. But… I think you knew that didn’t you? You always knew that this is what needed to happen. This was always the mission, Poe. My last mission._ ”

_“I knew. I know. I just didn’t want to believe it.”_

“ _I’m sorry. I wish there was another way.”_ Never in his life had he meant anything more than that. Something about the apology sent a pang of guilt through the pilot, the strength of the emotion so great that Kylo was almost dizzy with the aftershocks.

 _“No...No don’t apologize, fuck please don’t apologize. You just come back safe, alright? You come back to me, Ben Solo. Come back. ” Kylo_ felt a phantom hand reach out to caress his blood spattered cheek. The smell of sunshine, rain, and warm wet earth surrounded him. For a moment it felt as though the pilot was before him, shining bright and golden as he always did.

 _“I-”‘I_ will’, he wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t form. Perhaps it was because he couldn’t bring himself to lie to the dark eyed man. There was no certainty anymore. He could be walking to death just as easily as he could be walking to victory. Maybe destiny had planned for both.

The pilot sounded as though he suffered the most intense agony. That normally steady voice twisted and jagged. _“Promise me! Promise me you’ll come back to me.”_ The former knight felt a warm tear twist its way over his face, burning him to the core. So this was what it felt like. His heart lay broken within him, sharp, warped pieces stabbing him with every movement. The pain began to fade, something soothing his wounded soul.

“I promise,” he whispered to himself, before shutting down the line of communication between them. There would be a future for them. A place where they could be free of all the suffering and torment of the rest of the world. He would make good on his promise, they both would. The thought of that happiness drowned out the sting of his shattered heart. He walked on, the cool air of the ship no longer as icy as it had felt to him before. There was no need to pull the force towards him for warmth. There were two hearts burning in his chest now, no longer just the one.

Poe didn’t try to force open the connection, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity the inside of his mind was silent. Free from any thought but the dreams of a better future, a better galaxy.

As he walked towards his fate, the black trails of his cloak flew being him like great, dark, wings. His saber hummed gently in his black gloved hands. To those who had the misfortune of crossing his path he looked as he always had. Power crackled around him, brown eyes flashing with barely contained fire, face set in determination. Yet, in those quiet moments as he walked towards the cold certainty of death, the specter of Kylo Ren passed into the shadows, until all that was left was Ben Solo. Yet, he was no longer lost, no longer alone, no longer afraid of who he was.

The long haired man who strode through the red lit corridors of the destroyer was none other than Ben Solo, son of Leia Organa and Han Solo, grandchild of Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala, and at last he had found something worth fighting for. He felt the force flow through him, let it crash into him like the waves of an ocean. Its energy coursed through his veins, setting his very blood on fire.

When at last he reached the fateful door, Ben walked through it with his head held high, blood red blade in hand.

 

* * *

 

**8 days earlier**

A  part of Kylo had known exactly what it was Poe was going to say to him before the words even left those teeth swollen lips. After all, he could hear every single thought swirling around in the other man’s head as he watched the recording, as he agonized over a question he had already made up his mind about. Yet, it was the thread of confusion that ran through the pilot’s thoughts that had given the force-wielder pause. That thread when pulled, led directly to him.

Poe Dameron didn’t want to leave him, cared about him so strongly that for a moment he had considered leaving his friends, what remained of his family, simple to stay by Kylo’s side. Perhaps it had only been for a fraction of a second, but it had been there none the less. It was terrifying. It was addicting. He plunged deeper, pulling frantically at that thread, until he thought he might go mad. In those moments he saw it all, every single thought flashed through him as he searched Dameron’s mind.

When he spoke it was as though almost in a trance. The words flew from his lips with breathtaking surety, though where they came from he did not know. “It doesn’t have to be like this, you know. You could stay here. Even if the order is triumphant, which they no doubt will be, they will never be able to find us. I could keep us hidden until the end of time if you wanted.” He would. As the words left his mouth he knew just how true they were. No matter what the pilot asked of him, he would do it. Kylo Ren may be a murderer, a lost soul, violent, unpredictable, but in this moment he knew he would go to the ends of the earth to keep Poe Dameron safe. The thought of losing the other man, of watching the only one who had ever offered him true salvation march off to his death, made Kylo half mad with agony.

“I-”Although the pilot stopped speaking the words flowed on in his mind. Each one hitting Kylo like an electric shock, until he felt as though his heart would stop beating. “ _I want to,”_ whispered the pilot’s deep voice, caressing his very soul even as it ripped it apart _. “I want to run away with you, to spend the rest of our lives free from the past._ _But more than that I want to bring you to my mother’s grave, show you too her, bring her those white lilies she always loved, without the fear of someone striking you down. I want to be free, not have to spend all eternity looking over my shoulder. But more than all the rest I want you to be free too.”_

It was those unspoken words that would be his undoing. For as each one pushed through the walls of his mind, Kylo realized that he wanted them too. ‘Perhaps it was always meant to be this way’, he thought. He had run away before; from Skywalker, from his parents, from Snoke, even from himself. Had it ever brought him anything but more fear, more suffering? Poe was right, even if he did not grasp the hidden meaning of his own unspoken words. There would be no freedom for either of them as long as this war tore apart the galaxy. Kylo would never be free of the call to the dark or the wrath of those whom he had betrayed until it was all over. It did not take much to realize that neither would Poe. Even though he had sworn an oath to Kylo, one he fully intended to keep, the pilot would never live with himself it he left his friends to fight alone. Poe had chosen to be the soldier one last time. Now, all that remained was for Kylo to make his own choice.

There are moments where one feels as though they stand on the edge of a knife, the whole of their essence caught in the balance. You know that you must make a decision, and that once you have done so, any possibility of the alternative vanishes. In that moment the future is laid out before you. You see everything that could be, everything that cannot be, and you are forced to make your choice. In a second, the whole world pauses. Time slows for you as you deliberate, as though showing consideration for the gravity of the situation. For Kylo Ren one such moment was when he realized at last that there was nothing he could say to convince Poe to stay. That did not stop him from trying of course. Throwing every fiber of himself into persuading the other man to give up the idea that there was still any good in this world. Yet, it was only half true when he said that there was nothing left but grey now. For, there was good in it. All of it stood in his arms, dark hair a wild mess, eyes burning like a dying star, golden skin glistening in the rays of morning sunlight. How could he let the one thing in his life worth fighting to keep fall into the darkness around them?

‘Is there anything I can say to make you stay?” The answer would always be no, not matter how many times he asked, and yet he couldn’t resist. It would have been so easy, he mused, to make him. To plant the notion in the pilot’s mind that this was where he truly belonged. To convince him completely that he should stay in the little cabin at the edge of the universe. Yet, where in his youth he might have simply taken, Kylo shifted away, pulling himself from the edged of Poe’s mind. It was, after all, Poe’s choice and no one else’s. Just as it was his choice.

When Poe reached out lifting one of Kylo’s hands to rest gently against his temple, Kylo felt something warm bubble up within him. The darker man’s mind spread open for him, laying bare everything. Kylo say a green field, a small white stone planted under a small tree adorned with a million purple blossoms. Someone grabbed his hand, pulling him closer. It was a grave. The Poe in the image smiled, small and sad, as they knelt down in front of it. Kylo pulled him close, chin resting on the other man’s head as they sat in the cool grass. The breeze caressed them with its warm fingers. The droid, BB-8, rolled up to them, letting Kylo pat it absentmindedly on the top of its head. Shouts came from over the hill, but they were happy. Loud roars of laughter, delighted squeals of joy. In the distance the sound of a transport landing. A figure mounted the crest of the hill. She was delicate, small with old age. It was his mother. She did not look angry or sad, instead she smiled at them, giving a slow wave before being pulled away by a young woman with her hair tied loosely at her neck.

Kylo steadily withdrew himself from the pilot’s mind. There was no mistaking what it was he had just seen. The shorter man’s face was open and expectant, perhaps a little bit hopeful as he looked up at him. Those beautiful brown eyes sparkled in the sunshine, pulling Kylo in to their depths as he looked down.

“Do you see now,” Poe asked, keeping his voice hushed. Kylo nodded, eyes falling closed in a moment of silent reflection before he could bring himself to speak. So that was the future the other man saw for them? Free of fear, free of anything but happiness and peace. It had been beautiful. It had been too perfect to even hope for.

“Yes. I understand…” part of him longed to believe that such a thing was even possible. Yet, after all of the evil he had done, it was impossible to imagine such perfection. But, Poe did, still blinded by his belief that others could forgive. “You are a fool Poe Dameron. A noble one, but a fool none the less.” He smiled down at Poe, but it was filled with sadness. Poe was a fool, a beautiful, brave, kind, fool.

Poe returned his smile. “Aren’t we all,” he asked, voice nowhere near as confident as it had been. Kylo didn’t answer, he simple bowed his head. As he heard the pilot gathering his things, preparing to do the right thing, Kylo made his decision.

 

He hadn’t been lying when he said he wanted to make sure Poe was able to keep his promise to him. Although, perhaps it had not been the promise the pilot thought he meant. As much as the darker man had meant it when he said he would make Snoke pay for what he had done, the thought of Poe ever getting near to that monster made Kylo’s blood boil. Never in a thousand years would he put the pilot in that kind of danger. He also hadn’t been lying when he said he was coming to ensure that darker man stayed alive.

No, the promise he was fixed on was that foolish dream. It would probably never come to pass, but it was a dream worth fighting for. In those few scenes, Poe Dameron had promised him freedom from Snoke, freedom from fear, the shadow of the past, and most of all he had promised him something far more precious.

Little did Poe Dameron know, but as they made their way to the transport, Kylo made a promise of his own. It was a promise that would shake the foundations of the galaxy, and one that spelled destruction and doom for those it touched.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and Gentlemen, we are almost at the end. I think I'm either going to do two really long chapters or a 4 to 5 shorter ones (honestly it just depends on how much time I have to sit and edit a monster chapter). Either way, shit is about to go down and its going to be insane. This chapter begins with a flash-forward and then goes to moment where we left odd in the last chapter. The next chapter will pick up from the end of this one and carry us through until we end up back in the action. I hope you guys have enjoyed it and would love to hear your thoughts on it! I basically scrapped a whole plan that I had in favor of a new one that I think it going to have a way cooler pay off. Yes, in my mind Kylo/Ben refers to Finn as 'traitor' because he holds a grudge like that. In addition I know It has been kind of weird with the names because sometimes Poe calls him 'Ben,' but Kylo still thinks of himself as Kylo Ren and probably will for a little bit longer. So I hope that cleared things up a little bit.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They can't go one day without getting into trouble, Kylo reflects as they get closer to the resistance.

With a quick flick of his wrist the transport door closed with a metallic hiss. His saber hummed softly at his side. They would have to take off relatively quickly, on the off chance that little incident had attracted any attention. Not that he believed anyone would dare follow them after witnessing such a thing. He smiled, but it looked too eerily wicked on his handsome, boyish face. Kylo began keying in the coordinates, and in seconds they were breaking through the plants atmosphere. There was a moment where the only sound was that of the gentle hissing of machinery, then he heard the telltale sign of Poe walking into the small common area between the cockpit and the living quarters. With a sigh, Kylo rose from the leather chair, making his way towards the other man.

It had been a grand total of 28 hours since they had broken free from the small planet’s atmosphere, leaving behind all certainty of peace. It had been an easy enough task to remove what fuel remained from Poe’s x-wing and put it in the larger transport. The pilot had been visibly upset at the prospect of leaving the ship but it was in no condition to sustain a long haul, and besides there were too many of them. Despite the addition of extra fuel, it had only been a short time before they had been forced to stop on one of the small smugglers planets that dotted the way from their home to the rebel rendezvous point. It had all gone easily enough, until it hadn’t. After all, criminals would always be criminals, they would always be ready to lie, cheat, and double cross. Unfortunately for those they had encountered, Kylo would always be ready to rise to the occasion and do what was necessary to protect what was his.

“I set the course. We should be there in a day or two,’ Kylo called out into the transports empty halls. There was no response. Despite the gentle sounds that filled the shuttle, it was far from difficult to hear the sound of the pilot’s heart pounding. “No one’s following us. In case that’s the reason why your heart is trying to pound its way out of your chest. Not that anyone would be idiotic enough to come after us at this point.” He could feel the irritation seeping into the transports synthetic tasting air. Something about it made it feel as though electricity crackled around them. Almost as though lightening might strike.

“You see. Shit like that is why people stay away from you,’ came an exasperated groan from Poe. The pilot was in a state of complete disarray, shirt hanging askew on his shoulder, hair sticking out at strange angles. His brown eyes flashed like molten sunlight as he glared at Kylo. The irritation on his handsome face was tempered by the bemusement that colored his voice. The current of compassion rolling gently from the other man also helped to dull the sharpness of the words themselves. “I mean, do you even realize that there is an issue with what you pulled back there, or do you just not give a damn?” The last phrase was more of statement than a question.

Kylo held back a sigh. Poe had no idea what it was even like, to see, to hear everything. Of course, to an outside observer it might seem as though he had overreacted, but that was far from the point. He could have expressed this, have sat down and explained to Poe exactly why he had slashed the little building to shreds, or why he had been two seconds away from decapitating the man who was supposed to be filling up the transports fuel tank. Yet, his own annoyance at being questioned overrode this logic.

“Maybe, but unlike you I don’t need to be constantly adored to get through my day,” Kylo deadpanned, fighting to hold back the smirk he so longed to level at the pilot. Poe looked lost somewhere between complete shock that the force-wielder would say something like that, and acknowledgement that their might be some truth in the words. The waring emotions danced through Poe’s energy, sending waves of warmth and icy cold through the force-wielders body.

“I do not. That-That is completely beside the point.” It was, but that hardly mattered to Kylo. It had been completely worth it, just to see the pilot squirm like an overgrown puppy. The force-wielder arched a brown in challenge.

“Then what is the point?” He pushed, leaning in closer, using his great height to his advantage as he towered over Poe. Far from being intimidated, the darker man simply rolled his eyes, and tilting his chin upwards as he stared back at Kylo.

“The point, is that you can’t just destroy peoples stuff when they piss you off, you also can’t just threaten to murder people for no apparent fucking reason, oh and cutting people hands off? Also a big no-no.” It was, perhaps, a fair point, but not one that applied to this particular situation. For what seemed like the millionth time since this whole ordeal began, Kylo wished that Poe too could look into the minds of others, hear their deepest thoughts. Reading auras had its uses, but there was nothing like truly knowing someone in the space of a moment. Once more, he kept these thoughts to himself.

“It was less than what he deserved.” A small current of anger wound its way through the words. The grimy little man had deserved it, for thinking of laying his filthy hands on-the thought was cut off, severed by another angrier than the last. Anyone who dared consider such things, who though to steal what was his, deserved far more than the mercy of a quick death. “Besides, there wouldn’t have been an issue in the first place had you simply let me handle this my way from the start.”

“Oh forgive me, for having an issue with you forcing people to do your bidding. He was a very nice, harmless, if slightly sleazy, business owner, a civilian, and not some first order lackey, so don’t even fucking try and spin me some bullshit like that.” Poe looked astonishing in the bright lights of the shuttle. Every aspect of his face seemed that much more distinctive, every expression deeper. Something about the way that darker man’s face caught the light, making his eyes shine, spurred Kylo on. A current of possession swept through him as he continued to look down at Poe, gaze calm and cool.

“Trust me. He deserved far worse.” Something dark pushed its way into his voice as he responded. Poe must have sensed it, because in a moment he seemed softer. When the pilot spoke, his voice was gentle, carefully even as though trying to defuse a bomb.

“Maybe, maybe not. But, the point is-”

“I don’t care what your point its. Because I have one of my own. If you had heard what that piece of filth was planning to do, to us,” _to you,_ his mind supplied, “you would have done the same. In fact, you should be proud of me. I should have killed him, but I assumed you wouldn’t have approved of the mess.”

“Oh well aren’t you a saint. What was he even thinking that could provoke you into such literal murderous rage? You know what, I don’t even want to know…gods what was I thinking letting you come with me.” Poe ran a hand through his already tousled hair. He looked tired, and for a second, a part of Kylo felt bad for putting so much stress on the darker man. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Poe Dameron was merely a man like any other. That he had lost so many, friends, family, all in one fell blow. Kylo’s eyes softened.

He reached out a leather gloved hand, lifting Poe’s chin up so that they were eye to eyes. “I protect what’s mine, Poe. Next time I won’t hesitate.” Kylo felt Poe shiver at the words, or perhaps it was merely a reaction to the feeling of the smooth black leather against his skin. The pilot made as if to pull back, and Kylo dropped his hand. He would not hold Poe against his will. Poe kept his gaze fixed on him, astonishment etched into the lines that framed the corners of his eyes.

“Please, just try not to pick a fight when we get to the rendezvous point. I honestly don’t think I could live with myself if you went into a rage and killed all of my friends, because they thought something you didn’t appreciate.” There was a joking lilt to the words, but also a shred of real anxiety, as though it was not hard at all for the pilot to imagine the scene from the refueling station occurring once over.

Kylo laughed, low and quiet as he pulled back, moving to plop down into one of the more comfortable chairs that littered the area. “Oh, I’ll try my best to control myself.” Once again Poe rolled his eyes, moving to join the former knight.

“You better.” It was far more of a plea than a threat.

They settled in. Kylo closing his eyes gently in a halfhearted attempt at meditation, Poe thumbing through what looked to be a first order manual of some sort that he had no doubt found lying about. A few hours passed before Kylo spoke, the buzzing of thoughts from the other man’s mind growing too loud to ignore.

“He was going to sell you, might have sold me too if it weren’t for the scar.” It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, especially far out towards the outer rim. It helped that most of the people who were that far out had no family to speak of, no one to miss them if they vanished in the middle of the night. The little, dirty man who had greeted them had not looked like a slaver by any extent of the imagination, but then again what was a slaver even supposed to look like? Poe’s eyes lit up with understanding, perhaps a little bit of panic. Kylo continued, keeping his voice as blank as possible. “He already had a buyer in mind for you.” There was a slight pause while he searched for his next words. “I should have realized sooner, but I was distracted. The whole situation might have been avoided had I been focused.”

Perhaps that was not entirely true. Kylo had been focused, simply on something else. From the moment they had left cabin the wheels in his mind had been turning. After all, in a matter of days he would be standing in front of his mother, maybe even with sky walker and the girl. The chances that one of them, or all of them tried to kill him on sight were far too high for his liking. Then there was the matter of Snoke, the order, this nonsensical charge towards defeat, and Poe. Poe was almost always the focus of his thoughts now. The more he time they spent together, the more Kylo became sure that their fates were tied. It seemed to Kylo that the universe had decided that neither of them could be free without the aid of the other. However, the journey to his own freedom might merely end in death, and this, Kylo wanted Poe to have no part in.

To say his focus had been elsewhere was an understatement. Nevertheless, his carelessness had put the other man in danger.

He kept his eyes fixed on Poe as he spoke, although something deep within him tried to force his gaze away. “When you went outside to show them to the transport, he thought I wasn’t paying attention, tried to slip away- round up some of the men he had lurking around the back. Unfortunately for him, the minute you left, I started paying attention, and by that time he was practically screaming in his head. Sick bastard was so pleased with himself. His thought was that about five of them could make quick work of me, then he could sell the shuttle for parts, and that you would fetch quite a fine price.” Kylo smiled but it was grim and full of distaste. “He thought wrong. His mistake cost him the lives of his men, his hands, and if you hadn’t come back when you did, it would have cost him his life.” There was a finality to the words. Poe heard it, a small shiver running down his spine. A myriad of emotions flew from the pilot as the two of them sat there, locked in deliberate silence. There was fear, sharp and cold, surprise, at the precision of the statement, and something else. It wasn’t happiness, but it was perhaps a distant relation to it. Something within Poe was almost glad, if astounded, that the taller man would do rip men to shreds, come an instant from taking their lives for him. That he had restrained himself from doing just that simply because he thought Poe wouldn’t like it. This strange current of emotion was brief, but hot and pulsating. Something deep in Kylo roared, rearing its ugly head in pride.

“Oh.” So caught up in the storm of sentiments was Poe that he could barely bring himself to speak. He looked at Kylo with an intensity matched by none other. There was something unreadable in his eyes, a look Kylo felt he had been given before.

There was another long pause. “You realize you could have just told me that right?”

He let a tired smile push through the calm mask he had spent the first part of their journey. “In hindsight that might have been the correct decision.” It shouldn’t be a surprise for Poe that only a day into their journey and them he had already destroyed a small building, relieved several people of their limbs, and almost killed someone. If anything was to be expected from him, it had always been destruction. He excelled at it. Something unreadable passed through the darker man’s eyes as he looked at Kylo. His handsome face turned into a slight frown, eyes narrowing almost imperceptibly. “God, you are going to be the death of me.” There was so much meaning packed into that little phrase. It was full of biter amusement, fear, and perhaps even affection.

Kylo sighed, falling back into the chair with eyes closed. “Not if you aren’t the death of me first.” The runaway felt Poe eyes on him as he leaned further into the dark leather. He could feel their burning caress so intensely that it was as if a pair of hands swept their way across his flesh, pushing their way through until they closed their grip on his heart.

There was no doubt in the former apprentice’s mind that he would die for the darker man across from him. That was what frightened him more than anything. The long spurned emotion that bubbled up in him every time the other man looked at him, every time his thoughts turned towards him, that would be the death of him. Even as they sat here, in perfect silence, crashing through the galaxy, Kylo was being ripped apart. Poe Dameron and his affection had clouded his thoughts, and if he did nothing to stop this-but that was nonsense. The agony and ecstasy that coursed through him every time those fiery eyes met his own; he would not give that up for anything. Even if it meant his end.

 

* * *

 

 They were spotted the moment they dropped out of lightspeed. The communications channel blinked open a second after they arrived. Kylo remained silent, leaning back against the cold metal wall of the cock pit as Poe sat down in the pilot’s chair, tapping away at the controls. Whoever was waiting for them was clearly on edge, as it was only about five seconds more before they locked on missiles.

“Enemy vessel, Identify yourself.” The scratch voice ran through the speaker system. There was a shift in the force the moment they appeared in the system. Kylo felt it again the moment the moment Poe had sat down in front of the controls. He kept half of his focus on the dark haired man, lest he need to halt a missile his mother sent at them, but with the rest he pushed himself free of the little metal ship and out into the beyond.

“Don’t fire. Repeat don’t fire. This is Poe Dameron, call code 187AAD19, I am approaching in a commandeered first order transport. I repeat this is Poe Dameron, call code 187AAD19.” His voice was strong and clear, betraying nothing. As Kylo watched, Poe tensed, hands tightening around the controls as though he may need to avoid an attack at any moment. Clearly he was not thinking that Kylo would prevent any such thing from happening in the first place.

The pause that followed seemed to stretch for centuries. “Acknowledged. Additional confirmation required. Prompt: How to avoid broken glass.” Kylo almost laughed at that. A memory filtered through to the front of his mind as the tiny voice filled the cockpit. It had always been a joke between his parents, back when they had still told jokes and their home was filled with laughter. Ben had always had a habit of breaking things, almost always unconsciously. One day in a fit of irritation he had sent a giant statue hurtling through the almost entirely glass lobby of the senate. It had been an accident, the consequence of being strong with the force at such a young age. His father had thought it was hilarious, his mother had been mortified, but most of the senate had seemed unfazed, even amused. One man, had gone so far as to say that they should take to throwing statues around more often, as it was the perfect excuse to remodel the outdated building.

Poe’s velvet voice cut through the memory like a hot knife. “Don’t throw statues.” The missiles were disengaged, and Poe sighed, tension seeping from him now that the immediate threat had passed. Poe turned to look at Kylo, who had a smile on his face so entirely out of character that the darker man was almost taken aback by it. However, before he could comment, the mechanical voice pushed its way through the speakers once more.

“You are cleared for landing, Dameron. How the hell did you get your hands on a first order transport?” Poe laughed now, full and bright. The sound consumed Kylo, making him feel as though the darker haired man was a part of the very air he breather itself.

Poe turned to look at him, smile wide and mischief in voice, as he spoke. “You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just a quick chapter for today because it was taking me a while to write the part where they are physically with the resistance and I need to work out how to deal with Kylo, Luke, Rey, Leia and all of their collective issues. Glad to see that people are still sticking with me on this one. We are almost done and by the end of the next chapter we should be all caught up to the point where chapter 27 ended. Please keep sharing your lovely feed back and opinions! love you all so much. Honestly. Hope you continue to enjoy!


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe is conflicted af, probably because its very difficult to admit that you have fallen in love with and emotionally unstable/unpredictable, ex-killer, who you are coincidently marching into a rebel base....so there's that.

Poe landed the ship in a large hanger, just outside the giant makeshift complex of buildings, armories, and barracks which seemed to have sprung from the ground. As the transport touched the cold, hard ground Poe closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he prepared for the plunge. Behind him, he could feel the former knight’s burning gaze on him. Through the thick glass he had seen the commotion of an army preparing for battle, and yet in here, behind the steely walls, it was blessedly quiet. The silence wrapped itself around him, seducing him with whispers of loss, death, and all things to come if he stayed the course. For a split second, a part of him longed to start the little craft back up and speed away. He quickly quieted it, crushing it with the sheer force of will. Yet that did little to curb the shame he felt rush through him at the implications of his thoughts. What would his mother think? Seeing her son, her little boy, considering running away from the fight that would define the lives of millions. There was a time when such a thought might have made him sick, angry even. The Poe Dameron of old never ran from anything, he faced it head on. But now, it seemed as though that man was a stranger, someone from a dream. He felt tired. For some reason, the vigor, the desire to throw himself into the fray was gone.

His mother would be ashamed of him. He was ashamed of himself. This was not the time for cowardice. Not the time to selfishly long for the hope of life, especially when faced with the certainty of death. His eyes flew open as he leaned back into the leather chair, his face falling into the familiar mask of cocky determination. It would do his men no good to see their leader falter. Poe Dameron was a soldier. He always had been and he would always be, regardless of what happened he would fight on the side of good, until the fight was won or he died trying. ‘So,’ he thought, “I can be Poe Dameron for a little while longer, mom. I won’t let you down.”

“It isn’t cowardice.” The deep tone of the long haired man’s voice so close to his ear brought him from his reverie. Warmth pooled around him as the knight drew closer, the back of the chair preventing their bodies from touching. Poe didn’t turn as he spoke, something within him unable to look into those crushing brown eyes for fear of drowning in them. “I thought you were filtering out my thoughts.” A small chuckle came from the other man, a deep purring sound that made the pilot shiver. “You seem to be incapable of thinking quietly, Poe.” There was no insult behind the words, only a fondness more terrifying than all of the horrors of battle that awaited them. “I’ll take that under advisement,’ he scoffed, trying his best to seem like his unaffected humorous self. It felt as false as it sounded. The runaway apprentice continued, unconvinced by his bravado. “It isn’t cowardice to desire something else, to long for it with all of your soul.” The console grew dark as the other man’s shadow spread across it. Kylo was leaning over him, curtain of dark hair falling forwards. “You would never act on it. No matter how strong the pull, because you are an honorable man, Poe Dameron.” The words stung like a blow. Was he truly honorable? How could he be? He had left his men, his friends to go across the universe on a whim, he hadn’t stayed to protect them, he had killed, he had stolen, and he had almost abandoned them time and time again in their hour of need. Where was the honor in any of that? Where was the honor in falling in love with-

He sighed, the scent of freshly cut wood and sun warmed earth clouding his senses as the knight drew closer, lips almost brushing gently against the shell of his ear. It was too much, this contact, the knowledge that it would come to nothing. “I ain’t as honorable as you make me out to be, sugar,” he drawled, voice loud and uncaring. There was a pause, as thought he could not see the other man’s face, Poe felt something shift. Kylo pulled away. Poe rose, running a hand through his hair before turning to face the other man. The taller man’s face had fallen into a mask of careful inscrutability. He stood tall, black cloak falling in cascades over his broad shoulders. That improbable face seemed to glow as he stood, head held high, with waves of dark hair shining like onyx in the cold light of the transport. As Poe looked at him, he looked every bit the prince he was, and something about the sight wrenched at his heart, tearing it to shred with longing claws. He was beautiful, broken and twisted as he was. He longed to reach out, to feel the other man’s hands against his skin, one last time before they left the transport, and with it every dream of something more that had tormented Poe from the moment they had taken off. Or perhaps it had been even before that? Maybe it had started long ago, from the moment he forced himself into the Kylo Ren’s mind and saw Ben.

Kylo stood still under this scrutiny, elegant, black gloved hands lay tense at his side, one long finger running the length of his saber. As Poe’s eyes fell to it, he felt a pang of sickness rise within him. How many had fallen under that ruby glow of that blade? How many lives had those lovely hands taken with a gesture? The same hands that had carried him unconsciously into their cabin, those hands that had laid him in bed that had wrapped around him. That blade had been wet with the blood of those who had tried to harm him. He looked away, the confusion and agony he felt at such thoughts suddenly too much to bear.

BB-8 rolled quickly into the cockpit, beeping hastily about schematics. Poe patted the little droid on the head, before turning quickly towards the door.

“You should put on the hood,” he called out, “the last thing we need is for someone to recognize you before we can get to the general.” Poe began to make his way towards the door, listening for the sound of the other man’s footsteps behind him. Fear bubbled up in his gut as they drew ever closer to the final door, the one that would leave them both, former knight of Ren and Poe Dameron, in the middle of a rebellion base. They had discussed this, had planned for the potential chaos that would come with waltzing into a base full of people who wouldn’t hesitate to kill Kylo Ren on sight- even if the man beside him wasn’t truly Kylo Ren anymore. “There is no need to be afraid, I can use the force to keep anyone from recognizing me.” The words were spoken gently, in the way one would console a frightened child. “It’s not them I’m worried about,” he growled quietly, eyes still fixed ahead of him.

In fact, as much as it repulsed and horrified him, Ben was the only one who he was worried about. Not because he was worried he would fly into a rage and leave the base littered in bloody bodies, but because he feared for the runaway’s safety. Who knew what lay waiting for them? General Organa may love her son, but he had murdered her late husband. Luke Skywalker may be his uncle, but as Kylo Ren he had slaughtered countless numbers of people, destroyed entire systems. As for Rey, there was no telling what she might do. What had seemed so simple as they talked it through in the transport common room now seemed ludicrous, suicidal even. Even if they made it through to meet the general, there was no way for him to keep Ben safe.

He felt responsible. Had it not been for him, perhaps Ben would have been given a chance at that freedom he so desired. But Poe had dragged him back here, back to Snoke, to his parents, to Luke Skywalker. Poe had led the dark haired man to this point, drawing him close with every well-meaning word. Every time the taller man looked at him, reached out for him with innocent, touch starved hands, he had allowed it. He had craved it. The truth was he had fallen in love with Ben Solo a long time ago. Before he had come face to face with the improbably beauty hidden away on a faraway planet, he had fallen in love with the idea of him. Someone who too knew suffering, who needed him. It had only grown as he had seen the man hidden behind the shadow of Kylo Ren. The light that burned in those brown eyes as he stood tall and proud in the pools, sunlight crowning him with gold, had pulled him in. He had allowed himself to be dragged down into the depths of hell by desire.

A dark voice whispered venomously in the back of his mind that he had seduced the lost man with words of redemption, promises of impossible things. The pilot knew that he had most likely been the first to believe in the other man, to tell him that he was worth saving, that he was good. He was no so deluded as to think the other man could love him back, not really. No, Ben Solo was still young, used to solitude and darkness, he did not know what he did. He did not know the effect his words, his touch, his eyes had on Poe. It was for the best that when this was over, he let the other man go. Let him be his own human being, not tethered to the will of others. Not even someone who loved him.

 

The door to the transport slid closed with a hiss behind them as they were plunged into the noise of the base. Men and women dressed in all manner of flight suits as well as the typical orange hurried about. The sound of shouted orders, machinery, and communications devices were almost overwhelming as Poe walked briskly behind BB-8 as the little droid lead them towards the general’s quarters, Ben kept close behind him like a grim shadow. A few pilots called out to Poe, whooping and yelling, but he waved them off with a quick smile. The little droid soon lead them to an emptier part of the base, where the only beings they encountered were a group of protocol droids too absorbed in their work to take any notice of them.

When at long last they reached the white door, Poe finally turned to look at Kylo. The hood was pulled low over his face but it did little to hide the look of blankness he wore. “Are you ready,’ he whispered. A series of emotions played across the former knight’s face before it returned to that casual blankness. The taller man’s deep voice broke through his thoughts “ _No, but it doesn’t matter now. There has been a shift in the force. I felt it the moment we received permission to land. Whatever has been set, cannot be undone now, Poe. There is no use in fighting our destiny. You would do well to remember that.”_ There was something off about his tone as the final words made their way into Poe’s head. It was determined and also knowing, as if the other man had guessed at Poe’s thoughts. For the space of a moment, Poe feared that Ben had heard it all. That somehow the force-wielder had managed to push past his reconstructed walls and had seen everything. That he knew that Poe loved him, and that it frightened him. That he knew it was unreturned, unmerited, but still craved it anyway. But, Ben turned back to look at the door, burning eyes locked on the steel. With a hiss, the door slip open to reveal a modest apartment.

 

A woman was sitting with her back to them, greying hair tied back in a braided bun. She turned slowly, eyes widening as she took them in. They stepped forward, and the door slid shut behind them. When she spoke, her voice was high, faltering. “Ben…you. You-you came back”. Poe watched in awed silence as tears began to pour from her wide brown eyes. A wave of fear filled him as he turned to watch as the force-wielder stare blankly at his mother. A gloved hand still rested on the hilt of his saber. Poe longed to reach out and cover it with his own, to console the younger man.

 _‘Ben is a good man. He will make the right choice’_ , Poe thought to himself. Over and over the words flew across his mind as he waited with baited breath. There was nothing but silence. However, there was no comfort in it, only trepidation. What if he had been wrong? No- no, there was good in the man before him. Even his infatuated mind had not clouded his judgement that much. There had been remorse, he had seen it. Kylo Ren had vanished as he looked at Ben Solo, he had seen it! That monster’s hold was weak, he was nothing more than a shadow.

The long haired man’s grip tightened, leather stretching taught over a strong hand and for a moment, he feared the worst. Poe wondered if Ben would ignite that bloody blade, would choke the life from his mother, would fulfill every dark nightmare that had haunted Poe on their journey. Perhaps it was all a trap, and at second Skywalker would burst in, apprentice in tow, to drag Ben kicking and screaming to the brig. What would he do then? How would he explain to them, that he had brought a killer into their midst, that there was good in him? That he believed in the man who had once helped to murder millions. That he could save him…

However none of his fears came to pass. Nothing but steady calm emanated from the taller man, wrapping around Poe, covering him with certainty. Beside him, the force-wielder threw back him hood, revealing his long, handsome face. His voice was haunted, low, as he spoke. “Not yet. But…I.. I am trying.” The force-wielder turned to look at Poe, eyes shining clear and determined. With a quick movement, he unstrapped the saber from his belt, moving to place it gently on a small table.

“I have come to help you defeat Snoke and decimate what is left of the Order.” He said the words with a surety that almost burned Poe to the core. Leia Organa looked at her son in something approaching disbelief, then she looked over at Poe, eyes flashing with the light of understanding, although neither or them seemed to notice it. Poe felt her eyes on him, but didn’t look away from Ben. The subtle shifts in the other man’s aura were to entrancing for his to look away from. It seemed to his as though Ben was burning with a golden glow, then one moment cold like the ice plains of hoth. He felt each shift course through him, setting his teeth on edge, and tremors running through him. Leia turned back to the force-wielder, eyes set with a fixed determination that the pilot knew well. The tears began to dry on her cheeks as she spoke.

“And only for that purpose?” she questioned, voice hesitantly hopeful. Poe knew that emotion well. It was the same one that he felt every single time Ben smiled at him, the marks of slaughter and torture slipping away. He understood with a stunning certainty how easy it was to long for Ben to say with you, and yet to know it was next to impossible.

There was no change of expression on the long haired man’s face. He remained quiet and thoughtful, betraying little. When he at last spoke, he kept his eyes fixed on his mother as he spoke. “And only for that purpose. There is no place for me here anymore.” The way he said it was so matter of fact. Poe felt something sink within him, Leia Organa simply nodded.

“I trust you are prepared to do whatever is necessary? Including working with…your former master and his apprentice,” she said sternly. Poe tensed. This would truly be the moment of truth. Would he be willing to cast off all prejudice and hatred, or would he refuse? It had been easy enough to discuss aiding the rebellion in theory, but Poe could not quite help but shake the notion that, helping the rebellion was not the true goal. From the moment the force-wielder had agreed to come along, something had felt wrong. He had sensed something, almost imperceptible, and yet what it was he had no idea.

“I will do what is necessary to achieve our goal. After that, I will be on my way and none of you will be troubled by me presence again.” There was something slightly sharp about the last words, but the sentiment behind the words was genuine. General Organa gave her son one last, long, considering look.

“In that case, you may come in Luke, you as well Rey. We have a lot to discuss.” The door slid open and Luke Skywalker, made his way into the small room, followed by his new apprentice.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Another short chapter! I'm going to try and write a really long one over the weekend and hopeful get this thing to the place where I want it to be. So a lot of you have asked whether Poe is going to be able to forgive Kylo/ Ben for all of the awful things he's done, so I guess this sort of begins to answer this. I think that Poe would probably really struggle with the idea that he is so easily willing to believe in someone who really its a wonder anyone still believes in. I also think that there are a lot of problems that come with realizing that you love someone who is so capable of awful things. I feel like because we all love Kylo as a character it is really easy for us to forget all of the terrible things he has done. I wanted to show that Poe is not going to forget anytime soon and that it is a point of real emotional turmoil for him, because he realizes that Kylo has done bad things, but a part of him thinks that Kylo Ren isn't Ben Solo, and another part feels as though he is taking advantage of someone who is really starving for a positive seeming relationship. So yeah, lots of feelings, and they will probably continue as we get closer to the end. But hey, at least one of these idiots has admitted that he is in love.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well...we are literally almost at the end. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter and I hope to have the next one finished as soon as possible. Honestly, I think I'm going to probably have to write an epilogue, because even thought I wanted this to by 31 chapters, I really don't think it's even possible for me to do it in that amount. 
> 
> Can't wait to hear what you guys think! Enjoy!

 

The moment Skywalker walked through the open apartment door, Kylo tensed. He had felt the Jedi approaching some time ago, had felt them as they waited silently outside his mother’s rooms, and yet it took every modicum of control he had not to leap from his chair and run. Suddenly it all became unbearable real, in a way that it had not when he had stood in the hallway with Poe moments ago. It had been one thing to see the woman who had given birth to him, who still loved him, but to see his former master after what had passed between them, that was something else entirely. Skywalker looked the same as he had that last day at the temple, hair windblown, eyes cold and tired. Perhaps his former master seemed smaller, weaker then when he had seen him last. The girl gave him a quick once over, eyes narrow and sharp. Yet, when she caught sight of Poe her face broke out in a radiant smile. Her brown hair was tied back as it had been when he had last seen her, and one her narrow hip rested the very same saber that had left the jagged scar across his face. Even in the throes of joy, she looked hard, more so then when he had first seen her. But perhaps, it was merely that he had grown softer in his solitude. Weeks ago, before Snoke and Poe, he might have run her through. In fact, his fingers ached to wrap around the hilt of his saber, but it was more out of the need for comfort. He felt surrounded, here in this small bright room. Those who he had fought so long to get away from, now sat before him, eyes expectant. The girl-Rey- stood behind her master, eyes focused on him. It reminded him of some animal ready to pounce at the slightest provocation. Kylo wondered what she expected from him. She had not seemed shocked to see him sitting there, mask long gone, Poe Dameron at his side, but there was no trust in those steely eyes. He could feel the power washing off of her now, just as he had in the forest. She was strong, but still not strong enough for what was coming. Was he?

Skywalker’s blue eyes were equally intense. His former master looked at him with the same blank stare that had once made his blood boil with anger, resentment. Now, it merely left him shaken. How could this man, his uncle, sit so calmly across from the one who had destroyed everything he had built? Kylo had not only taken every last apprentice, but had taken his best friend, the peace so many had died for in the battle against the empire. The very thought froze him to his core. Perhaps this was all some sick trick-a trap designed to lure him into security before dragging him away to some godforsaken pit. Would he deserve it? To rot, alone and in silence for the rest of his life. There were no doubt many outside that very door who thought so. He could feel the hatred pulsing through the base. Not for him in particular, but for what he had done, for what the First Order had done. If Skywalker and his mother wished for him to pay, there was no was that he would be able to cut them all down. Poe. Would Poe let them take him? No, he grimaced, he wouldn’t want to. His gaze flicked over to the pilot, standing tall and strong at his side. The bright light of the room seemed to bend around him, cloaking him in an unearthly glow. Poe Dameron was of the stars, shining and beautiful, not meant to be touched, merely admired from far away. God, what a mess this all had become. No matter what it was Poe felt for him, would it override his sense of duty-honor, even loyalty? Maybe, but then again, maybe not.

The thought sent a strain of agony through him. Suddenly he felt as though the room was burning with the fires of hell. He felt constricted, his long cloak tightening around his throat, choking the breath out of him. Everything seemed to glow an unholy red.

As if sensing his distress, Poe reached out to lay a steady hand on his shoulder- a caution against what the pilot no doubt thought was the beginning of a violent rage. He had seen then? Beneath his carefully fixed mask of indifference, the veneer of careful calm had shattered. The words he had heard as loud as blaster fire as they stood before that fateful door still cracked through him, setting his mind ablaze. Now was not the time though. There would be time enough for everything after this mess had ended. Time enough to say everything he had longed to for what felt like an eternity. But now was the time for fighting.

Poe’s hand squeezed gently, the warm pressure bringing him back to reality with a sharp crack, a reminder of why he was really here. He looked up at Poe, noting the worry reflected in those large brown eyes. Kylo smiled and though it was tense and small, it seemed to reassure the pilot, who moved to lean against the wall at Kylo’s side. The darker man kept his arms at his side, fingers gently curving towards the blaster at his hip.

Across from him, his mother cleared her throat. Kylo shifted his focus away from Poe, looking back at his mother and Skywalker. Rey stood behind her master like some ghostly sentinel, eyes flickering between himself and Poe in a way that made him long to reach for his saber. She began to speak, words a smooth flow of calm and determination. Yet, Kylo did not listen to a word she said, for even as she began to discuss their strategy, a new voice began to speak. Skywalker. With a soft sigh, Kylo relaxed the barriers surrounding his mind, and gave way to the pressure he felt pressing against them. The blue eyed man sounded tired, but that usually grimness faded away with every new word. Skywalker seemed- not pleased, but there was some tinge of warmth to his voice. It was unsettling to say the least.

_Hello Ben. It has been quite some time since we last saw one another, I think._ The sheer nonchalance of the statement was almost earth shattering. Yes, he could not help but think, the last time he had seen Skywalker had been all those years ago at the temple. Those bright blue eyes were unchanged, still bright and cold, and yet there was a profound sadness in them. Emotion from the stone at last. Years ago it might have brought him joy to see such life from the old man, but now it was simply a reminder of his deeds- the destruction he had left in his wake.

There was a slow pause, as Kylo’s gaze flickered towards Skywalker. His mother went on talking, either unaware or uncaring that half of her audience paid her no mind. Poe said something and she laughed, small and sad. Rey continued to look back and forth between the two of them, aware perhaps of both conversations, but locked out of the one she would most like to be party to.

Skywalker just kept on staring at him, waiting for something.

_Yes. I suppose it has._ He could think of nothing else to say. After all, what does one say to a man who you pushed nearly to the brink of destruction; a man who you have hunted doggedly for years? It seemed to be an adequate response.

_You have grown into a new man in my absence. The scared, angry boy from the temple seems almost to have disappeared. The shade of Kylo Ren lingers on, but he is fading. I cannot say I will miss him._ Kylo could sense no anger in the words, simply genuine honesty. Could it really be possible?

_Neither can I._

It was true. The man who sat here, in the heart of the resistance base, Luke Skywalker in front of him, and Poe Dameron at his side held no love for the monster from all those years ago, nor the one that sill seemed to consume him. Despite Poe’s assurances, he would always be Kylo Ren. No matter how long Ben Solo fought to bring himself back from behind the veil, Kylo Ren would always be stronger.

Skywalker’s gaze grew somehow more intense. He leaned forward, settling deeper in his chair as he searched for his next words. Kylo was still wound tight as a spring. Every second this conversation dragged on was a second too long. He could feel the tell tale rise of irritation swelling within him.

_You have grown stronger too, perhaps more than you have guessed. Although, I think, this has little to do with Snoke. There is something changed about you… I felt it the moment you dropped out of lightspeed. There has been a shift in the force, child. A course has been set, but whose it is, I have no idea._

Kylo grit his teeth, forcing himself to remain calm. He could not afford to lose himself to foolish emotion, ages of history. Poe stood unaware beside him, his calming aura wrapping itself around the long haired man. He had to focus, not let whatever trick Skywalker was playing affect him. The last words troubled him, for there was a note of falsity to them. Not that this should be a surprise. It was the Jedi way to deceive by omission. Snoke had been right about that.

_I have sensed it too. It matters not. We will soon find out, I think._ Even in thought, the words sounded curt. A part of him wondered if they had truly felt the same shift, or if maybe they had both been party so something different. He had been sure that he knew. As soon as he had felt the fabric of the force rip and weave itself together anew, he had known believed it had to do with him. His choice to go through with his psychotic plan had been solidified, and now there was no way of avoiding it. But Skywalker couldn’t have known, could never have guessed.

_You are so changed. So-_

Whatever his former master had been meaning to add was forever lost when Kylo cut him off abruptly. He could not bear to hear the gentleness in the other man’s voice. It was sickeningly wrong.

_Was there something of importance, Skywalker, or did you simply wish to waste my time? If it hasn’t escaped your notice, we are about to enter a battle which we have no chance of winning. If I am to die, I would at least like to know how and for what strategic purpose._

He had given up on half listening to his mother speak some time ago. Skywalker had leeched his attention away, and it was only a matter of time before they were expected to speak.

Something glistened in the older man’s eyes.

_You do not think we will win?_ Had they not been so concerned with keeping their interaction a secret, Kylo was sure Skywalker would have gone so far as to raise an eyebrow.

_I know we won’t. Your new apprentice is strong, but even she and you combined will not be enough to beat back the knights of Ren and Snoke. The two of you and anyone else who comes to your aid will fall. In the end, it does not matter how many of them you kill, you will not win._

He tried to push a current of dark amusement through each and every thought. It was false, for there was nothing amusing about the situation at all, but he could not bear to let Skywalker see how much was at stake. Kylo would never let the blue eyed man know just how much he had risked- what he was fighting to desperately to protect.

Skywalker somehow managed to seem unimpressed with this, without even moving a muscle. Somehow it was almost as if the older man knew, had seen the poorly spun web of lies and was not content to leave it be. Like a child with a stick, he would not rest until he pulled it all apart.

_Did you not also come to our aid, Ben? Why come if you know it will be your end?_

It was not a taunt. Maybe that was why it made Kylo’s blood boil. It was the question of a man seeking a genuine answer.

Kylo let his eyes flicker towards Poe. The dark haired man was saying something, his face full of somber determination. That strong brow was furrowed, casting interesting shadows across his face. The soldier had pushed his way to the forefront, and suddenly Kylo felt overawed- just as in the pools. Here was strength, loyalty, everything he had ever desired and yet never attained. It was only for a moment that he looked, before letting his eyes dart back to meet Skywalker’s.

He kept his tone level, careful to betray nothing. _I am here because I choose to be._ True again, but never the whole truth. He did not owe Skywalker anything, least of all the entirety of the truth.

The blue eyed man’s gaze also turned to Poe before he spoke, that tired face revealing nothing. _You are here for him. There is no need to lie, you are not nearly as subtle as you think. You have too much of your father about you for that._

Kylo’s eyes narrowed, fist clenching at the mention of his father. He kept his voice low, a quiet hiss. _Do not speak of him._ The threat of violence lurked behind those words.

_Fine, but there is still no reason for you to play at secrecy. You are here for Poe Dameron. Tell me, why would you die for a resistance pilot? One who thwarted you, who you tortured, who has given his whole life to tear what you have built to the ground._

And just like that, Skywalker had seen through him. That mask of uncaring was blown away in moments. There was no use lying, thought. If he was to die soon, maybe it would be well to let at least on person know.

_Because I made him a promise._

_Ah. And you intend to keep it?_ There was a certain gravity to those words, one that Kylo himself could not identify. Skywalker was asking him something else, something more than the question entailed, but he could not for the life of him decipher it.

_Whatever the cost._

There was a pause as the two men considered each other. Or rather, as Skywalker considered Kylo, and the long haired man waited hesitantly for the axe to fall. Once again the older man’s face turned carefully blank.

_You are right. Rey and I do not have the power to best all the knights of Ren as well as Snoke. By the time we have lowered their ranks, I do not know if we will have what it takes to finish him. I doubt he will be drawn out easily either. In fact, I doubt he will deign to step off that ship. Someone will be forced to fight him on his own ground I fear._

And so it was back to the games, only this time Kylo had no more patience for them. The next few hours were of too much importance to waste with puzzles and hints.

_I will do it. There is no need for games, Skywalker. I think we have both outgrown them._

There was yet another pause as his former master looked at him. His mother was speaking again, eyes flickering over towards them for a moment, before returning to Poe. She had no doubt guessed what was taking place. After all, one of the most important skills for any politician to possess was the ability to realize when your audience had ceased to listen to you.

Skywalker’s voice poured into his mind once again. _Quite right. Though your mother will never agree to it._

_I don’t care. It is not her choice to make. It is mine, as it has always been._

It was strange, this realization that it had always been within him to choose. Perhaps it was only the horrors of his youth, and the experiences of his age that now allowed him to come to this conclusion. At eight, he had thought his only choice to be becoming a Jedi. As he grew, his only choice to fall towards darkness. When he had at last reached manhood, all he had thought possible was acceptance into the abyss. But now, here he sat, of his own will. He sat here across from the three people who had brought him to his knees, to the point of death in that cold, snow covered forest- because he had chosen to do so. Just as he had chosen to follow Poe Dameron into darkness, just for the potential promise of a shining light at the end. It was his choice to make, and he had already made it.

_The force is with you, Ben. I believe, that when the fighting ends, it will be you who is victorious._

Kylo quirked his head to the side, considering the other man in what many would assume to be a predatory fashion. It was cold, empty of the heated wrath that had once burned within him. Skywalker, for his part, did not flinch.

_I neither need nor want your belief, Skywalker. I will do my part and you will do yours. There is nothing more to be said on the case. I will be gone as soon as this is all over…either way, neither of us need see the other._

Kylo felt a tinge of sadness course through the other man at his words. The same sadness etched into those tired blue eyes.

_We loved you very much, Ben. I hope you know that. Everything we did, was out of love._

A week ago he might have laughed, might have laughed and laughed until his lungs ceased to take in air. Who did this robed old fool think he was kidding? Love. No, he had felt love. Real-true love. It was something bright, and pure, burning like fire. It might burn to touch it, but it was consuming, deadly. Its kiss could cause anger, hatred, deceit, fire, but never what had happened to him. Had it all been for love, Leia Organa and Luke Skywalker would have let Ben Solo make his own choice. Had it been for love, they would have let him be free.

He kept his tone even, cold. As much as a strand within him called for him to wound and cut with his words, he simply wished to be rid of all this. Once and for all.

_Everything you did was because of fear, love had nothing to do with it._

The old man’s face fell, that perfect mask of calm melting away.

_If you still believe that none will accept or love you because of what you’ve done, then you truly are a fool, Ben Solo._

Kylo bowed his head, a small, secret smile spreading across his lips.

_Aren’t we all?_

The only response he received was a slight tilt of Skywalker’s head.

When at last they flickered back into the surrounding world, Poe was speaking. His even voice deep and rich, washing away all other thoughts. “Well then all we are left with is the question of what to do about the knights of Ren and Snoke. If any of you have a suggestion about how to deal with that, it would be much appreciated.” The look of quiet determination was a stark contrast to the unease and worry Kylo felt crashing through him. He wished to reach out, to console the other man with a quiet touch, but could not bear to let the other’s see.

Kylo’s gaze flicked back to Skywalker, but the older man had turned to give Poe a considering look. Poe did not flinch under the gentle pressure, but seemed to grow taller, standing straighter and more resolute.

“I have searched, and Snoke has yet to surface. There is no trace of him in this system or any system nearby. I believe that he has chosen not to show himself during this battle, so assured is he that his troops will be victorious. We need not worry about him, I think. As for the Knights of Ren, my apprentice and I are more than equipped to handle them.” A lie. Poe, clearly skeptical, turned to look questioningly at Kylo, who merely nodded in affirmation of his former master’s statement. Leia hummed in affirmation, but Poe seemed less convinced. It did not take a link between their minds to tell that the pilot was remembering in clear detail Kylo’s words of warning back home.

“Forgive me, Master Skywalker, but I don’t see how exactly the two of you are going to be able to finish off all of them. Besides, you can’t be sure Snoke hasn’t just hidden himself from you. Why on earth would he leave his forces alone? No offense, it just seems silly to leave a hoard of murderous magicians to the two of you.” There was a note of challenge in his voice. Perhaps he had detected the lie, although Kylo doubted this. Snoke had not been their when they had destroyed the Starkiller, why would he show his face now? Could he not feel that monster’s repellant energy even as they sat in the heart of the rebel base, he might have wondered himself.

“I am not offended. You are right to worry about the difference in numbers, which is why Rey and I will be taking several squadrons with us. Together, we shall be able to finish them. As for Snoke, I do not sense him. He is far away from here.” Leia nodded in agreement, but Poe pressed on. Kylo thought for a split second about revealing it all to him. Speaking into his mind to tell him that this was what was necessary, that it was he alone who would have to fight Snoke. Yet, the lie was easier.

Poe kept his eyes locked on Skywalker’s as he spoke. “I think you should have Ben go with you. He knows them, he was their master, and he can help you defeat them. Think about it, even if we give you the units you asked for, they are ill equipped to deal with six more force wielders. I don’t want to send anyone into a fight they can’t win.”

Kylo’s heart almost ruptured. For a second it felt as though it had, leaving warm blood to course through him freely like waves in an ocean. That was his Pilot, his soldier, protecting his brothers to the end.

“I don’t-” Luke made to speak again, but Kylo cut him off. It was time to bring this to an end.

He spoke slowly, pushing calm strength into every syllable. “I believe that I would be more of a liability when it comes to Snoke. He had been inside my mind before, it would be foolish to tempt fate. I am strong, but I do not know how long it might take him to turn me back to the darkness.”

Poe looked at him, eyes flashing with sadness and then understanding. Kylo felt that sadness crash through him as though it were his own.

In the end, it was General Organa who spoke first. Her voice tired and full of acceptance. “Yes. It is better to keep any potential weapon from the enemy’s hands.” Thought they did not surprise him, the words hit Poe like a slap. Kylo felt the twisting storm emotions sweep through the pilot who subconsciously seemed to have drawn closer to him, until he stood just behind Kylo’s shoulder. There was anger, frustration, resentment, and finally understanding. The former knight could almost hear the thoughts run across the darker man’s mind. That was how they all saw him wasn’t it? He was nothing but a weapon, a liability? Kylo sighed quietly. It was fair, that he could not deny. He had been nothing but Snoke’s weapon from the time he first became a man.

“Besides, we will have need of him for another mission,” the general continued after a beat. “General Hux is perhaps more important to the First Order than anyone else, Snoke included. Without him to lead them, their forces will become scattered and confused. I propose to send a team of men to capture him onboard his ship and bring him into our custody.”

Kylo saw the plan form, twisting into shape in his mother’s mind. He saw himself, Poe, and another faceless man running through the stereotypical, faceless hallways of a first order ship. Poe. She was planning on sending them together. A tinge of fear swelled within him at the thought. No, he could not allow Poe to be there. It wouldn’t be safe for him, even with Kylo at his side to protect him, there was always the chance that it would all go wrong. Better to keep him at his mother’s side, here in the command center, away from the violence. He would be safe there.

This time it was Kylo that pushed into Luke’s mind.

_Is this your doing?_

_Yes. You and I both know where Snoke is. Leia need not know that your mission will give you your chance to end this once and for all. Hux is also a liability, even though your hatred of him is strong, surely you know this. In one fell blow, we will remove the spiritual and the strategic heads of the first order. Without them it will crumble._

It seemed logical enough. In fact, the plan itself was a relatively unobjectionable one, it was simply that Kylo wanted Poe to have no part in this. Every single possibility for disaster flashed through his mind as he listened to Skywalker, everything which he could do nothing to prevent if Poe set foot aboard that ship.

_Fine, but I want you to keep Poe out of this. I don’t care what you have to say to her, I don’t want him anywhere near Snoke. I won’t allow it._ Poe means too much to me to risk him falling into Snokes hands should I fall.

_Do you really think you will be able to stop him? He is a soldier, he will do his duty._

It was the truth. Should he be asked, there was no way Poe could refuse a direct order. Besides, he would never. The darker man, currently leaning in close to his side, would do whatever he thought was necessary to end this war- even if it meant risking his own life. A strain of doubt began to grow in his mind. Perhaps it was not his place to speak for the pilot. It was quickly crushed. No, it was for the best. He had to keep him safe, even if it meant stripping him of his chance to fight.

_She listens to you. He can’t disobey an order from his superior. I want you to convince her that it is best for everyone if he stays at her side, here on the base to help command from a distance. Please._

Before Skywalker could answer, Poe’s voice broke through their silent discussion. He seemed equal parts frustrated and apprehensive. “I don’t see why we would need Ben for that.”

Kylo turned to look the darker man straight in the eyes, trying to keep his face a mask of calm. It would do him too good to worry the pilot any more. The less he suspected, the better.

“Because I can find General Hux in a matter of seconds. It would take a team without a force user far longer to find him aboard one of those monstrosities. Besides, I know the finalizer inside and out.”

Poe’s eyes narrowed once more. He crossed his arms, looking up at the general as if to entreat her to stop this.

“Yeah, well so does Finn. Considering it isn’t the first time he has snuck onto a First Order Ship, I think it would be wiser for him to be the guide.”

Kylo furrowed his brow in concentration as he tried to discern who exactly the pilot was referring to. His expression darkened further as a picture fill the pilots mind. It was of a tall, dark skinned man, handsome and incredibly familiar.

Kylo narrowed as he turned to Poe, voice so cold it was almost frightening. “The traitor?”

Poe only groaned in frustration. “No, not ‘the traitor.’ His name is Finn and he is my friend.” He turned to look at General Organa, face set in a determination that had Kylo incredibly worried. It was not the first time he had seen such a look cross that handsome face, but it somehow felt like it was.

“General, I volunteer to go with Finn to capture Hux,” he said, voice strong and somber. “The two of us already work well as a team and I know that together it should be relatively quick and painless. I can get us in undetected and get us back before anyone even notices.”

Just like that, his fate was sealed. Kylo’s heart sank to the bottom of his stomach. He should have sensed it, should have felt the beginnings of this declaration stirring in Poe’s energy. Maybe he had, and had simply chosen to ignore it. It was too late to turn back now.

“I volunteer as well. I will accompany the traitor- Finn, and Poe.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

The filed out the door quietly. Rey and her master were completely silent, whatever words they exchanged done so only in thought. After a moment they turned a corner and disappeared into the vast network of tunnels and rooms. For some reason, Poe was glad to see them go. Something about them had made him uneasy from the moment they set foot inside the General’s apartments. Thought she had been visibly happy to see him, Rey had spent the whole discussion in pensive silence, her shining eyes boring into him like blaster beams. Poe had found himself drawing ever closer to the force wielder at his side, in the hopes that Ben’s power would shield him from her soul piercing stare.

Several times, he had felt a blunt pressure at the boundaries of his mind, but had pushed it back. It was not Ben, for the dark haired man’s mind was fiery and volatile, not cold and targeted like this.

Luke Skywalker had been nothing like the stories he had been brought up on. The man who sat across from Ben, with his crystal blue eyes shining with power, had seemed almost phantom like. He had been there, in the room, and yet gone- travelling across the starry skies of another world.

Ben stood waiting in the corridor, hood pulled up to hide his face in shadow. Poe could feel the myriad of emotions rolling off the other man like a forest fire. The taller man’s displeasure at the agreement they had reached was evident, which was clear. It had been as disappointing for him as it had no doubt been for the former knight. Poe had watched the flicker of despair flash through those entrancing eyes as he volunteered for the mission. Something was wrong, something else was going on here. Ben, despite his best efforts, was not as inscrutable as he might have believed. When they were safely back on their ship, Poe had every intention of shaking the secret out of him.

The dark haired pilot made his way towards the door and was about to step through it, when he heard General Organa’s lilting voice call out behind him. “Poe, will you wait a second. I would like to speak with you.” Poe looked back over his shoulder in confusion, but nodded in acceptance.

He turned back to Ben. “Go ahead. I’ll meet you back on the transport, ok?” He half expected the force-wielder to turn and stalk off towards the small ship, but instead Ben simply leaned further back into the shadows. His deep voice seemed to purr dangerously against the shell of his ear, as Ben reached out through the link. _I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be waiting for you right here when you get out._ Poe sighed, but was not entirely surprised. Perhaps it was for the better that the taller man waited outside, where any screams would be safely in earshot. As if to tease him for his concerns, Ben smirked, letting one of those large, elegant hands trace the length of his saber. Poe chuckled, rolling his eyes.

_Fine, just don’t kill anyone while the adults are in here talking. If you so much as think about igniting that thing, I’ll come out here and drag you back to the transport myself._

Ben smiled once more, this time much larger, and far brighter. The smile of a carefree child, or perhaps that of a man in love. It was so strange, this silent shift between them. How had it become that they could transition from worry to mirth at the bat of an eye? Poe felt almost guilty, he shouldn’t encourage this. The intimacy of their private moment’s only served to tighten the iron grip around his heart.

However, before the guilt could truly set in, the force wielder’s voice was at his ear again. It sent a shiver down his spine to have the other man so close and yet so far away. _Oh, I’m counting on it,_ came that purring growl that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

Poe shot one more mock warning look at the incorrigible child in the hallway, before turning back to the General. The doors hissed to a quiet close behind them.

“General. What is it you would like to speak to me about? I’d rather not leave him alone for too long. Some are not as ready to move on as others.” He gestured to the now closed doors, from behind which he could feel Ben’s presence smoldering like an ember.

“You worry about him,” she stated, eyes intense and voice questioning and yet not. There was something knowing in her eyes as she looked at him.

Poe allowed himself a small smile, before answering. “Constantly. Not though because I fear what he will do, only that I worry there are some who might not understand. You should know that it was he, who decided to come with me. I offered him the choice to stay behind- I promised I would come back for him, but he…he wanted to come and right his wrongs…He won’t even say it, but I think that’s the truth. It’s difficult to understand, but…he’s changed, general.”

“You trust him.” Again it was not a question, merely a matter of fact statement.

“With my life. With the lives of those whom I hold dear, and all that matters to me. That thing, the one that killed all of those people at the temple, the one that…the one that killed you husband- That- that wasn’t him. Not really. Kylo Ren has done terrible things, but Ben…Ben was simply his first casualty.”

“You think he can rejoin the light again?”

“I know he can. I have seen it. It’s difficult to explain, but… I sensed it. He suffers you know? His mind, his very soul, burns with the weight of what he has done. This… this I have also felt. He just wants to be at peace. To be free of all the misery…” Poe trailed off, not sure how else to explain what he had glimpsed in his time with the long haired man. How does one explain the extent of the misery that devoured the one you loved whole? It seemed almost an impossible task? To explain, to accept...without justifying. The words formed on his lips, passing through them before he had time to think about what he was saying. “Your son, is a good man, General Organa. He may not know it yet, but I think that in his own way… he may be better than any of the rest of us. Certainly better than me.”

A look of shock, passed over the general’s face. She seemed almost frozen in place, held down by the weight of his words. For a split second, Poe was afraid. Afraid he had revealed himself. Something in the room shifted, and in a moment, he found himself swept up in a tight embrace. He felt more than heard the General’s words as he pulled her closer.

“Poe. It’s good to have you back.” She pulled back, looking up at him with glassy brown eyes. “Poe. You- . Thank you.” A bright smile swept across her face, lighting it with an ethereal glow. Tears began to trickle from her shining brown eyes, not to different from her son’s eyes, he thought. In that moment, Poe realized that while Ben may not bear a strong resemblance to his mother in looks, in spirit they were not too far apart. Both were so stubborn, so driven, convinced in the righteousness of their cause, strong yet, occasionally painfully gentle. Perhaps that was why, he loved her. Perhaps that was why he loved Ben.

The small woman was crying now, letting her tears fall freely. Poe was unsure of what to do. In all his years in her service, he had never seen the iron forged lady weep, let alone smile like that. “I hoped, but I never thought you’d be able…” She started before breaking off once more, and falling back into her chair. “I thank you for brining my son back to me, Poe. My son, not that evil shade.”

“I. You’re welcome.” It was meant to be a statement, and yet something prompted him to raise his pitch, turning it into more of a question than anything else. Something about the general’s words had caught his attention, the cogs in his mind whirring as they tried desperately to sense what it was.

“Sit, please. We have much more to discuss, you and I,” she said, gesturing for him to fill the seat across from her. He did so nervously, still strangely unsure of himself. Something was off, now if he could only figure out what it was.

“General, I-“

“Please, call me Leia. There is no need for formalities, Poe. Not ever again.” She smiled, and its warmth was almost overpowering. It was then that it struck him. Her words rang loud and clear in his mind “I hoped.” Hoped. She had hoped that he would bring back her son, but how would she have known? How could she had possible know that he had left to find her son, before he himself had known?

“Leia...” the name felt strange on his tongue. “I- why did you say that you had hoped?”

Poe watched in shock as the general tipped back her head and laughed, loud and bright. The tears had begun to dry on her cheeks, making her skin glow.

“Oh Poe, You didn’t show this level of curiosity when I asked if you wanted to know how we found you on Jakku? Nor, it seems when a mysterious stranger appeared to you on a smuggler’s planet in the rim, nor when I relieved you of duty without even asking you why, even when a call to arms made its way to a droid stuck out at the edge of the universe.” she chuckled, voice still full of unshed tears, before shooting him a wink. “You didn’t think I’d let my best pilot fly off into the black without having a good reason, did you?”

“How- how did you-” he sputtered, utterly lost.

“When we lost contact with you, we thought no one had survived the crash. Most of us had given up hope by the third day, until a transmission came through, but it wasn’t sent through any normal channel. In fact…it came through my personal comm link. It was a set of coordinates that led us directly to you.’ She smiled again, but this time full of mischief. “And a message.”

The last piece of the puzzle clicked together in his head. It had always been there really, but perhaps it had been so obvious that he missed it all together.

“It was the robe guy wasn’t it? I knew that bastard was up to something, with his mystical, unhelpful mumbo jumbo about the ‘force’ and ‘only hope’s’,” Poe hissed. What with all the excitement of the past few days, he had quite forgotten about the reason for this whole quest in the first place. The robed, blue eyed man was the reason for all of it. Because of him, Poe had been rescued from a lonely death, had gone on a wild adventure to the edge of the galaxy, and met the one man for whom he was willing to give up everything. But somehow, he had been overlooked. In the midst of his reflections, not once had the stranger made an appearance, almost as if he did not wish to be remembered.

“You mean you haven’t guessed who he is yet,” she laughed, eyes shining with shocked amusement. “I’m quite surprised Poe. I would have thought you’d have worked it out by now, given the resemblance. He approves of you thought.”

Poe looked at her dumbly. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The blue eyed man certainly looked nothing like anyone he had ever met in his entire life. With that overly long, unkempt, brown hair and ridiculously dramatic robes, penitent for theatrics, inability to be helpful, constant mumbling on about ‘the force,’ Poe was sure he would remember meeting someone like that.

She leaned closer, voice almost a whisper as she looked up at him with the eyes of a proud and loving mother. “He told me that you were destined to bring my son back from the dead and that you were the only chance Ben had to escape the darkness within him and find peace at last. I must admit that I was skeptical, but now I see that I was wrong to doubt the force. He was more correct then I ever could have imagined.”

“What do you mean- what else?”

But before she could answer, the room turned red as the emergency system began to hum. A siren called out through the entire base, and in a second the door slid open with a monumental force. Ben ran inside, hood down and saber in hand. He was followed shortly, by an out of breath former storm trooper.

“Poe!” came the cry of joy as the deserter came crashing in behind the dramatic figure of Ben Solo.

“Finn!”

“What is it, Ben,” the general asked, although there was only one really explanation for the siren which still thrummed in the background.

The red light cast a burning sheen over his pale skin, illuminating the constellations which dotted his handsome face. It seemed to Poe as though the moles and dots had shifted, turning into the perfect picture of a starry sky now stained with blood. It was both beautiful and terrifying.

His saber remained unignited, but the power that swelled within him shifted and swelled like a storm at sea. When he spoke, his deep voice was calm, as though he had been expecting this for some time.

“There has been a disturbance in the force, the first order has sent out their forces. Skywalker and the girl are preparing their units. The deserter, Poe and I, must be on our way as soon as possible, before it all descends into chaos. The rest are awaiting your orders, general. The battle has begun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was long....hope you enjoyed and thank you guys so much for all of the support.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter.   
> The final showdown between Snoke and Ben.

They ran. In the distance Poe heard the telltale sounds of slaughter. He swore he could even hear the crackly of Ben’s saber as it painted bloody arcs through the air. At last the corridor turned, a door sliding shut behind them, and the sound was lost. At his side, Finn began to hack into a terminal. Seconds later the pilot’s ears began to ring with the sound of a not so distant explosion. It came from behind the large set of blast doors which no doubt led to the bridge. He could not think, his mind still stuck in that moment of furtive peace in the enclave with Ben. The taller man had never answered his question. Or perhaps he had.

Finns rough hand on his shoulder yanked him back to the present with exhilarating force. “We’ve got seconds before they come flooding out of there. We’re looking for the one with the red hair. You can’t miss him,” the dark man said, eyes locked almost questioningly on Poe’s own. ‘Are you ok, they seemed to ask. ‘Are you here?’ The pilot raised a hand in silent confirmation. ‘Yes’, it said, ‘I’m alright. I’m here’. But that was a lie, his mind burned to turn back to that blood-spattered corridor- with Ben.  

Finn nodded, soulful eyes filled with simple understanding, even if his face betrayed nothing but hard determination. “He’s alright. Trust me, I have seen that man do home pretty terrifying things. One little patrol won’t stop him.” There was no dislike or hatred in the words, only truth.

Poe smiled. The doors flew open and with it the sounds of screams, accompanied by tendrils of thick white smoke. The bridge crew seemed so intent of getting away from the burning remains of whatever it was Finn had destroyed, that they paid the deserter and the rebel pilot no mind, pushing past like crazed cattle. It was always astonishing what feat could do to a man. The way it could devour him whole, blur his mind until all that remained was panic. No sign of the flame headed Hux. At last the tide slowed to a trickle and then came to a stop, a deceptive silence falling once more. Poe motioned for Finn to move forward and slowly the two of them advanced into the bridge, blasters primed and ready to fire at any stragglers. The room was filled with a misty haze that smelled far too similar to gasoline for comfort. Perhaps that was why they had been so eager to flee. The general had not.

Hux stood alone, leaning gently against the thick clear shield that separated them from open space. The expression of perfect calm on his delicate features might have been unsettling if it wasn’t for the look of barely restrained despair in those cat like sea glass eyes. Finn rushed over to a small panel, and with a few taps of his fingers, the smoke began to vent out of the room. All was perfectly silent.  Poe kept his eyes on the red haired man but let the hand holding his blaster fall down to his side. There was no need. The General would not fight. His thoughts streamed clearly across Poe’s mind, a symphony in perfect time and he could ready every little note. Or perhaps he knew, because he had seen this look before. General Hux looked like a man who had seen his fate and accepted it, a man who knew that there was no escape, and was resigned to it. Strange.

Hux was silent at first, eyes still fixed on the battle outside. Ships collided in clouds of red and orange, falling to pieces on the planet bellow. The battle raged there too, Luke and Rey no doubt leading their men against what remained of the Knights of Ren and perhaps even Snoke himself. No one was winning yet, the battle had, in truth only just begun and yet the sound of suffering hit Poe like an anvil. So many lay dying, dead, burned to ashes as their ships crashed through the atmosphere. Others burned with the heat of blaster fire, piercing their skin, tearing them apart from the inside. So many dead…and for what?   

For belief. He almost laughed. How foolish, to have forgotten what belief could do to a man. To forget what it had done to him, to the Ben Solo, to all the rest of them.

The General turned away from the battle beyond and below. He looked at Poe with a sort of quite admiration, one soldier to another. Finn kept his blaster aimed at the red haired man as he stepped down from his place and walked through the wreckage towards the pair. All the while those sea glass eyes were fixed on Poe. There was something almost hypnotic about them. They were the eyes of a snake who would lure its prey close, before crushing the air out of them slowly and brutally.  “They left.” The general laughed, quiet and sickeningly amused. “Nontoxic, vapor, and the Cowards turned and ran. Perhaps that is why we will lose, as we have lost so many times before… because we were not truly committed. Because we are afraid. All of this death…for nothing, because we were afraid.”

“Shut up,” Finn growled, clearly unsettled by the calm demeanor of a man about to be marched to a death sentence. That’s what it was. No Republican court would offer General Hux, destroyer of an entire system, freedom. If by some miracle he survived until his trial, he would not last long after it.  

Outside the glass another ship went down in flames, soon to be nothing more than a site for salvage. A well of parts in an empty desert. How many people on that ship?

“You know that all of this, all of this will be for nothing in the end,’ he said, pointedly ignoring Finn. “The Order may fall, you may even take Snoke and me with it, but even then, how long will it be, before another rises to take our places? The Senate, the republic…as long as the universe if plagued by greed, corruption, hatred, and fear, by disorder… they will always fall, and men like me will always rise from the ashes. Know, Poe Dameron, that all you do is push it back…the scales will always reset themselves. You would do well to remember this.”

Poe looked at the other man considering, not liking how true the words sounded to his still buzzing ears.

“You done,” he asked. The General nodded, eyes shining. “You’re coming with us, General Hux. You will be transported off this ship, and when the battle is over you will be brought to trial for your crimes against the galaxy,” said Poe. He kept his voice even and clear, empty of the hatred he saw reflected in Finn’s eyes.  

The General smiled, small and sad. It reminded Poe of Ben’s smile, small, secret, as though he had discovered the funniest thing in the words, and yet could not share it for fear of his own words. “I will comply.” Finn was at his back, cuffing him within seconds. The General seemed somewhat put out, but made no move to resist. What would be the point?  

“Should we gag him,’ came Finn’s voice from behind the tall general. Poe looked back to the General once more, their eyes meeting for a long moment. They had lingered too long here, they needed to move before their window was missed. “No, he won’t make any trouble.”

Poe almost wished the general would fight, yell, scream and curse at them. It would be easier then. But the man simply allowed himself to be lead quickly through the corridors towards their ship. He did not scream, cry out for help when they were forced to dodge a passing patrol.

 

As they sped their way through the ship, he called out to Ben through their link. He tried to keep the worry out his thoughts, but it was too strong. Far too much time had elapsed since they had left Ben alone in the hall. He should have been back by now. _“It worked. We’ve got him. We’ll be at the ship in a few minutes. No matter what happens we’ll wait for you.”_ He meant it. No matter what his orders, he wouldn’t leave the other man here on this ship. There was no response, only silence.

They wound their way through the corridors, Hux between them, as he and Poe drew ever closer to their ship. Still nothing but silence. At last they reached their small transport, door sliding open before them. Finn unceremoniously pushed Hux inside, shutting the door behind Poe as he entered. Silence.

Finn spoke. “Poe, where is your guy? Is he on his way?” Poe looked up blearily at the other man, uncertain. It had been too long. Ben should be here, should have met them at the ship.   
“I think so.” A pause. “I have to wait for him… I can’t leave him.” Another pause, and Finn nodded. “I’ll warm her up,’ he said. “But tell him he needs to hurry up or we won’t be able to leave even if we want to.”

The pilot nodded and Finn made his way to the cockpit. Across from him, General Hux leaned back against the cool metal walls of the ship, eyes falling closed as if in silent meditation.

Poe searched, pushing his mind as hard as he could out into the ship. It burned, the strain almost too much on him, he felt as though he was being ripped apart. A pause, and then the whole of space and time seemed to flow through him. He could feel the still beating hearts of the men and women fighting on the planet surface below, hear the screams as battleships burst into flames. It was then that he felt it. Something dark, rotting, dripping with pain and anger brushed against the edges of his mind. He knew who it must be, the only one it could have ever been. Snoke. 

Then there was Ben, moving quickly and silently through the halls of the ship, drawing further and further away from him. Closer and closer to the evil that waited patiently in the heart of the ship. Oh. So that was why he had come?

He reached out to Ben once more, feeling the cool acceptance that filled the other man’s thoughts. “ _You’re not coming, are you?”_ He already knew the answer, and his very soul seemed to sink deep down into a dark pit of despair. Perhaps he had known all this time, from the moment Ben had volunteered to accompany them but had been too blind to see it. Why else would he have come? Ben had said himself that Skywalker and Rey were ill equipped to fight off the knights as well as Snoke, and the thought that the ‘Supreme Leader’ would miss this once final battle, was ludicrous. They had never needed Ben to take Hux, they could have done it with anyone else…It must have been what he and Skywalker had tried to keep hidden. What they had been discussing. God, it all made sense now. Poe had sought to keep Ben with Luke and Rey, the only ones who could have protected him against that monster…but Ben had been ready all this time to make his sacrifice. How had he been so foolish? Poe had known, he thought to himself, deep in his soul, in his very bones. It would always come to this- and he had let it.

Poe wanted to cry, to reach out and grab that tall, long haired, noble fool and hold him close. When Ben at last responded his voice was tinged with fear, _“No, I’m not. But… I think you knew that didn’t you? You always knew that this is what needed to happen. This was always the mission, Poe. My last mission._ ”  

But it doesn’t have to be, Poe thought.  It won’t be. Don’t leave me…I was a fool for ever letting you out of my sight. I should have dragged you with me. I should have known…I should have known you’d think this was the only way. I should have stayed with you…I should have taken your offer. Even if it wasn’t the right thing to do. Fuck nobility, fuck this stupid never-ending battle! I was wrong. I love you…

Poe said none of these things. He couldn’t bear to.

 _“I knew.’_ He thought, voice gentle. _“I know. I just didn’t want to believe it.”_

A wave passed through the ever distant force wielder, and Poe felt as though he had been struck. He had always known that it would come to this, somehow. Funny how you only realized it too late. And now…Ben thought he was going to die…the dark-haired man tried to hide it but it rang as loud and clear as a temple bell. The bastard was sacrificing himself, leveling the balance of right and wrong- light and dark. He was sacrificing himself so that he could be the man that Poe believed him to be, and it hurt. Behind closed eyes, Poe saw red as his mind descended into agony. He wanted to scream, to yell out that it didn’t matter, but before he could Ben’s voice rang through his thoughts. The long haired man sounded so very tired, the weight of the galaxy weighing him down, weighing Poe down.

“ _I’m sorry. I wish there was another way,”_ came the deep, melodious voice, so tinged with grief. There was no bravado, not even a glimmer of hope passed between them. Ben thought- no knew- had accepted that he was going to die, and suddenly Poe felt as though his heart was being torn to shreds. It was his fault. All of it. He never should have let Ben come with him, should have never made him give up the peace and calm of their home. A thousand dreams flew before his eyes. He saw them sitting by his mother’s grave, a smile on his careworn face. He saw them returning to the pools, falling onto the fur laden bed in his home- in their home. In a flash they burned to ashes, nothing but blackened remains of what could have been. Ben Solo was going to die alone, and for what? Hux was right. It didn’t matter if Snoke died with him, eventually another would come to take his place. The scales of light and dark would always re balance. Always. But Ben Solo couldn’t die. He couldn’t die for nothing…He couldn’t die alone.

 _“No...No don’t apologize, fuck please don’t apologize. You just come back safe, alright? You come back to me, Ben Solo. Come back. ”_ For a moment he thought he had a chance, that he might dissuade the force wielder from his course, that he might save him from himself. He tried to keep the broken tone from his voice. In his minds eyes he saw, Ben, standing there in front of their little log cabin. He saw his unruly hair blowing gently in the breeze, a small smile spreading across his lips. Poe reached out, caressing one constellation spattered cheek. The smell of sunshine, rain, and warm wet earth surrounded him.

The vision began to fade.  Poe reached out, hand outstretched towards the flickering memory of the man he loved. The smiling Ben Solo began to pull apart at the edges, resolving into heavy smoke. Poe called after it, he screamed, willing it with his soul to return to him. _“Promise me! Promise me you’ll come back to me.”_

Silence.

When his eyes flew open, they were obstructed with tears. They burned hot on his cheeks as he rose on shaking legs. Finn stood before him, face hardened into something between acceptance and disapproval. A moment of silence passed between them. They didn’t have time for more.

“He’s not coming,” Poe said, words low and matter of fact. Finn’s eyes met his own, and the darker man softened, pulling him into a bone crushing hug.  When they parted, Finn smiled. It was small and silent, but it spoke volumes. There was no question in the pilot’s mind that the other man understood- knew exactly what he was going to do.

“You gonna’ go get him back.” It wasn’t a question, but Poe nodded anyway. For a second he wondered if this was what it had been like for Finn, when he had decided to risk death to rescue Rey. He wondered if the same feeling of complete and utter certainty has flowed through him, setting his blood on fire. It was curious, how quickly everything else had melted away, leaving only the knowledge that he would find Ben and bring him home, no matter the cost.  

And when had it become so simple? When everything but the sound of Ben’s beating heart ceased to matter?  
“Yeah. I am,” said Poe.  The gleam in the former trooper’s eyes gave everything away. After all, those who had spent their lives hiding behind masks were hardly notable for their excellent poker faces. There was no need for words. Finn had guessed and thought no less of him for it.

The thought made him smile, but it did not quite reach his eyes.  

After a small comfortable moment had passed between them, Poe nodded to the still meditating General Hux. “You take him back to base. Let’s bring this war to an end shall we?” It would be a while before the message reached the troops on the ground that the general had been taken…that it was over.  Yet, the sooner he was in the rebellions custody, the sooner they could bring all the bloodshed to a halt. They had cut of the First Order’s head, but the body fought on.

 _And it will, until Snoke has breathed his last breath,_ came a bitter voice from somewhere in the depths of his mind.

“You sure you don’t want me to wait for you?” Finns voice took on a more serious tone as he looked at his friend. There were many other questions locked in that little phrase, and yet one stood out clear as day: “ _Is this goodbye then? Are you going to die for him?”_ Poe took a step back, taking in the strong willed man before him. Finn may have never liked Ben, may have hated and feared Kylo Ren, but in many ways in Poe’s eyes the two men were incredibly similar. Both had seen the light and been drawn away from the darkness, both had come back to fight the evil that had created them.  Finn had done his part…had done far more than was necessary.

“No, it’s alright. Besides, I can fly anything remember. You should be more concerned over whether or not you can take this thing back to base without my help.” And so he answered that unasked question. _Yes. I will._

Finn smiled, sad and small, before shrugging off the leather jacket draped across his shoulders. He held it out in one hand, eyes still smiling, although his eyes had grown glassy with unshed tears. So he had understood then.  

“Here,” Finn said. “Take this, for good luck.”    _Thank you. For everything. Goodbye,_ were reflected in those expressive eyes.

Poe smiled once again, this time full and open as he reached out and took it. “Who needs luck? I’ve got the force with me,” he laughed. _Goodbye._

As he stepped back into the open dock, jacket clinging familiarly to his shoulders, he hoped like hell it was true.

 

 

When at last he reached the fateful door, Ben walked through it with his head held high, blood red blade in hand. It was strange, the complete silence that filled the large room with its empty nothingness. Is close to the engines it should be louder, the calming hum of thousands of tons of metal whirring furiously bellow. It made the metallic cavern seem like some sacred place, as yet unseen by the eyes of man, and yet he himself had walked through this place several times before. In the halls the ship had breather around him, its metal heart beating resolutely over the sirens, the shouts, and the commotion of war. Here, thought he stood only a few meters from them, he felt strangely cut off. The faint buzz of the line between himself and Poe was gone. It no longer filled the back of his mind with calming music, centering him in this chaotic world. There was only silence. Silence and the faint hum of the saber in his hands.

“Are you truly ready to fight me, boy?” came the booming growl of Snoke’s voice. Kylo spun to face his former master, saber raised in silent threat. “Or have you realized the error of your decision and come to take your rightful place at my side, to rule the galaxy as Master and Knight from now until eternity?” His wrinkled face was marred by a vicious grin, nothing but an angry red slash filled with white teeth. It was repulsive, yet there was some strange spell in the words, attempting to lull Ben into accepting. Yet, the trick which had so often brought him too his knees, had no effect on him. That magic was no longer able to poison his mind with whispers of power and greatness as it once had. He needed neither.

Ben lowered his saber, brown eyes watching Snoke with cold calculation. The wizened old sith misread this action and laughed, a nasty, dark sound. “Good. I am pleased to see you have come to your senses. You must have known that there was never and chance for you without me. You are still too weak, Kylo Ren.” Snoke smiled once more, a poisonous snake, coiled and ready to strike. “But have no fear, my apprentice. I shall make you strong again, and together we shall finish this battle. Together we shall finish what your grandfather started all those years ago.”

Ben felt a cold knife press against the edges of his mind, trying with all its force to push its way through him- to unmake him. However, he pushed it back easily. Snoke hissed with barely contained anger, pushing again, this time with everything he contained, but it was no use.

Ben laughed, the sound reverberating through the cold metal hall. He flicked his eyes up, taking in the sickening old creature who had turned everything he had once been into dust and ash. Snoke, who had poisoned his mind and soul, who had turned him against all who had once loved him. “You have no power over me. Not anymore. Not ever again, Snoke.” The long haired man was almost shocked by the gentle calm of his voice, the finality of each word as it passed through his lips. He felt as surge of strength ripple through him. 

Snoke recoiled, falling further back into the cavernous room. Ben followed, saber still glowing hot and red at his side, painting his shadow with a bloody glow. Again that cold knife pushed against his mind, and again he repelled it. “There was a time I believed you made me stronger, but I see now that it was you who grew stronger because of me. You leached my power from me, turned me against all I held dear, clouded my mind with promises of greatness, but I see now.” Ben laughed again, fuller and louder. “I see now that it was always you who needed me.”

“You know nothing, boy,” hissed Snoke. “You have never been anything but a disappointment. You are nothing, Kylo Ren. I picked you up from the depths of nothing and gave you power. Without me you would still be bowing to Skywalker’s every word, a slave to the republic.” They had fallen into a strange dance, Snoke pacing in a large arc and Ben following, saber still buzzing with longing. Snoke’s wrinkled grey face broke into another violent smile. “You are a failure, boy. Cast away from the light and too weak to accept the dark. You had no place in this galaxy until I gave one to you!” His former master was screaming now, rabid and mad.  

Something in Ben almost snapped at the words, but something new washed through him, calming him before he could take the bait. “You tried to make me into your slave, to strip away all that was good with in me,” Ben hissed. “But I am stronger than you now, Master.” He spat the title like an insult. “I have always been stronger than you, I see that now. And of this you can be sure, I will kill you.” _Even if you take me with you to the gates of hell._

There was a pause, before with a roar the creature drew a saber from somewhere in this long tatter robes, igniting it with a flash of molten fire. “You dare! You stand no chance against me, boy. The look of pure fury on his master’s face was almost surreal. It was strange that only now, after the time he had fled, that he realized just how small his former master seemed. It had been much easier to fear the godlike, ghostly projection, giant and frightening, or the man on the crystal throne in his giant hall who with a word could bring pain and suffering. The Snoke who stood before him now, was neither of these things. He was simple a monster, a vicious animal to be put down, a mortal. What color might he bleed?

Ben narrowed his eyes, pulling the force closer to him as he had so long ago in Snoke’s halls. All the while their dance continued, their feet falling quietly in the vast emptiness. The long haired man’s mind turned to Poe. The darker man was no doubt on his way to safety by now. The traitor- Finn- would have made sure of that. Ben was oddly grateful to the former trooper. He would no doubt would have prevented Poe from lingering. Perhaps the girl- perhaps Rey had told him of their plan. It she had, he thanked her, for all of this would be for nothing if Poe perished here with him. No, the pilot would be safe, live a long and full life in their new galaxy. A galaxy full of good and light.  

He smiled, bringing his saber up in an arc of ruby red. Snoke cackled, a trace of fear in those beady eyes. “So that is what this is about? Love? How pathetic! If you die for love you die for nothing, Kylo Ren.” Snoke was afraid of him. Ben could almost smell it pouring off of the tall thin creature before him. “I will make short work of you, and when I do, I shall see to it that your ‘beloved’ dies a slow and painful death at my hands. Do you hear me, Kylo Ren?”

Ben looked at his former master, feeling the force swell up within him like a storm at sea. There was no anger within him, none of the hatred he had fought so hard to fuel over all those years, only sadness- determination. “My name,’ he said, “is Ben Solo.”

With a roar Snoke rushed forward. Ben swung his saber in a wide arc, catching the other blade in midair. The crackle of power was cataclysmic.  The long haired man lashed out, pushing the other man back with a string of attack and a heady push with the force. Snoke gave ground, before throwing himself forward. The wizened old man, fought with the ferocity of cornered beast, but years of stagnation had left him unsure of his footwork. Ben pressed this weakness, spinning his former master in a complicated dance across the empty room. The only sound was that of their blades crashing together, singing as they sung through the air. He felt a blinding pain as the edge of Snokes blade pressed itself into his shoulder, another white hot scar beginning to take form. With an explosive push of the force Ben threw the older man back, a loud crack resounding as Snoke’s head connected with the metal floor. 

Before he could take advantage, his former master was back on his feet. They circled each other once more, each waiting for the moment to strike. A trickle of black liquid poured from a wound on the Snoke’s head. So he did bleed.

“You are still too weak, Solo,” spat Snoke, more black blood painting the inside of his mouth. “Kylo Ren might have beaten me, but you have no chance.” The words rang as false and empty as the threat behind them. The knife was at his mind again, burning and slashing but it was brushed away. The wizened old man reeked of desperation, but the fight was not over yet.

 For how long they fought, Ben could not be sure. With each crash of blurred blades he felt the world slip away, until soon nothing remained but the stench of blood and burning flesh. All the while Ben held onto his dream, using it to fuel himself even as he felt himself grow weaker with exhaustion. He could see it all. The white flowered fields only a short walk from their small cabin, the sound of laughter and merriment filling the clean, bright air. The dream swelled inside him, giving him strength even as he grew more fearful that perhaps he could not truly beat Snoke.

He pushed onwards, until with once lucky arc of his saber he rent Snoke’s weapon wielding arm from his body. There was a scream, an angry howl that made the hair stand up on the back of his neck as the appendage fell to the cold ground below, saber clattering down after it. With a rush, Ben came forward, ready to end it once and for all, but Snoke lashed out with all his might. The blunt of the burst of energy blew past his barriers, knocking Ben back onto the cold floor below. He felt a trail of hot red blood seep down his neck. The room, Snoke, the whole world around him seemed to grow blurred as more blood seeped from the wound on his head. There was a click as his saber fell from his hands, blade retracting before the metal chamber came clattering to his side.

The dark power held him in place, and suddenly Ben felt remarkably tired. He watched with captive eyes as Snoke struggled to his feet, hand outstretched as he held his former apprentice to the ground with the last dregs of power he possessed.

As he lay on the ground, the smell of wild flowers began to filter into the room, washing away the scent of death with their sweet perfume. It would not be a bad way to die he thought, surrounded by a field of glowing white, the warmth of the sun on his face. How long would it be before Poe would be there to join him? Would the pilot think of him when he was gone, or would his memory fade into nothingness? The remnants of a bad dream. Snoke drew closer as Ben reached out with tired fingers towards the saber at his side. The sith’s power was waning. In moments perhaps there would be a break. In that space he could plunge the burning blade into the withered old man’s heart and be done with it. Then this whole war could end, and Poe could live in a galaxy without evil. Without the threat of darkness and suffering hanging over him.

His former master limped closer, eyes black and burning with hatred and pain. A small shift in the power that held him pinned to the ground, perhaps in a moment he would strike. Snoke wasn’t close enough yet. Would Poe be proud of him, he wondered. Would the pilot applaud his sacrifice, or would he curse him as a fool? Ben almost laughed. Poe would most definitely thing this whole thing was rather idiotic, but what did it matter? Ben Solo would die a noble death and with it would come freedom…freedom for both of them.

He reached with still gloved fingers for the hilt of his saber. However, not sooner had they brushed the still cooling metal did the cylinder fly through his fingers, past the still limping Snoke and into the waiting hand of Poe Dameron.

Ben’s eyes widened in disbelief as the pilot caught the saber, igniting the broadsword in one elegant motion. Snoke turned, face the picture of perfect shock.

“Get the fuck away from him you evil bastard,” Poe growled. Snoke laughed, a pained, wrecked sound as the burns on his torso convulsed with the motion.  “You! You think you can stop me! You are no body, no one!” Snoke dropped his hand, the power holding an increasingly dizzy Ben to the ground, evaporating as he called his saber into his one remaining hand. As Ben watched, Poe’s face darkened with something unnamable, before he smiled. It was dark and utterly humorless, the smile of a man prepared to kill.  “I may be no one, but I also know that you stopped holding him down because you don’t have any power left,” said Poe, voice darkly amused. Snoke hissed in return, saber swinging in a clumsy arc. Poe leaned forward, feet falling into a fighting stance as he watched the wizened old creature practically foam at the mouth. “You want to know how I know. Because I can see into you, Snoke. I see everything you fear and hope and dream, and I am going to tear you apart.”

Snoke lunged forward, and his blade met Ben’s with a clash of burning sparks.  They did not dance now, as Ben and Snoke had, they fought. It was brutal and deadly, and Poe was beautiful in his barely controlled savagery. Ben slowly began to rise, the world twisting and turning around him as he tried to stand. The sound of lightsabers crackling and humming through the air kept him grounded.  

Ben reached out a hand, trying with all his might to make Snoke freeze in his tracks, to give Poe a chance at striking a fatal blow. Suddenly, a rush of power ran through him, setting his veins on fire. It was not the power of the light, or the dark that flowed through him. It was something far more familiar, the scent of rain and sunshine, earth and all things green. It was Poe Dameron.

Snoke froze, trapped in a moment of time, and Poe lifted Ben’s saber over his shoulders, separating the sith’s remaining arm from his body. The wizened old creature screamed, falling it his knees on the metal floor, now spattered with a mix of red and black blood.  

Ben fell forwards onto the floor, landing hard on his knees. Poe was at his side in a second, saber clattering to the floor as strong arms wrapped around him. The smell of wildflowers overwhelmed Ben as he fell forwards into the embrace. “You’re a fool, Ben Solo,” whispered Poe. His voice sounded sweet and low, like something from a dream. “Don’t you ever run off like that again? Don’t you ever lie to me again?” Poe was shaking now, the tremors rolling through Ben like an earthquake. 

Ben looked up at him through burning eyes. “I was trying to protect you, to keep you safe. I thought you knew…It was the only way…your dream. Peace…you can be free…free from the darkness I have brought to your life...no more suffering.” The words fell from his lips in no particular order or form, the loss of blood going to his head. Poe made a small broken sound, and his face turned grim and serious.  

Poe rose, pulling Ben to his feet, and then with a small twitch of his hand, Ben’s saber rested in the pilot’s hand. “Come on. Let’s end this,” said Poe. They turned, Ben leaning heavily on the pilot as they made their way to the still screaming form on the floor. As Ben looked down at his former master, he knew he should have felt anger, hatred even, for all of the evil he had done at the man’s behest. He should have hated Snoke for the monster he had made him into, but he didn’t. Ben Solo was too tired for hatred, too weak for it. It was only the feeling of Poe’s arms holding on to him, the gentle strength of his support that kept him standing.   

Snoke was gone. All that remained was the stunted form of a wounded creature beginning to be put out of its misery. All the power that his former master had once boasted was gone, nothing but a memory of vile evil that might someday be washed away even from memory and thought.  

The beast spoke, voice revealing at last its impossible old age. “You think this is a victory, that you have won,” it snarled, teeth gnashing against the pain. “You know nothing! All I have built will not fall away into nothingness!” With each new thought the old man grew more and more fervent, more manic. “Your precious republic will fall into ashes. You, Kylo Ren. You, Ben Solo will burn it to the ground as you have everything else. This is not the end-“

“Oh shut the fuck up,” said Poe, saber igniting in his free hand, as he turned to Ben. ‘You ready,’ he asked, a small smile on his face. Ben looked at the pilot beside him. He traced the lines on his handsome face, wondered at the thick lashes and sturdy features, and wondered what he had done to deserve it. To deserve any of it. Poe waited. Ben nodded, and with much effort he wrapped a shaking hand over Poe’s own on the now burning saber.  In one swift movement Snoke’s wizened head fell to the floor.

Ben fell, but Poe caught him, laying him gently in his arms as they lowered themselves steadily towards the floor. The flow of blood from the wound on his head seemed to be coming to a halt, but as he looked up at the darker man above him he noticed that the other seemed to be cloaked in a bright light. It was strange and beautiful. Ben reached up, running a finger across Poe’s jaw in wonderment.

“You look like an angel,” whispered Ben. That at least provoked a snort from Poe, who reached down to push a strand of bloodied dark hair from the force-wielder’s brow. “Ok, we really need to get you some medical attention. Next you’ll be saying that you’re actually a long lost prince whose been locked away in a tower for centuries.” His voice was as gentle as his touch, a cloud of worry tinging his amusement.

Ben looked up blearily, lips falling into a boyish half smile. “But I am a prince…well sort of anyway…” Poe laughed, eyes blurry with the tears of happiness he was clearly trying to hold back. “Are you proud of me,” asked Ben, eyes beginning to drift out of focus. Poe leaned even closer to him, fingers running gently through his long dark hair. “Of course I am. You-” His voice broke slightly. “You are a good man, Ben Solo. One of the best. ” As he spoke the world grew ever more distant around them.

“Did we win? Are we free?” asked Ben.

“Yes. We are. Thanks to you…It will all be over soon, and we can go wherever you want, see the galaxy, perhaps even find a new one. Would you like that?’ Poe asked, voice trailing into the sweet music of sleep. 

“Yes,’ said Ben, eyes drifting slowly shut. “I think I would like that. I think I’d like that a lot.” Even as he felt the grip of unconsciousness tighten around him, he forced his eyes open. Poe was still looking down on him, eyes glowing with love. 

“Poe…do you love me?” He wanted to kick himself for how stupid the question sounded, but it didn’t matter nor. For a split second, even though the stupor of blood loss and exhaustion he wondered if he had misread. Perhaps the pilot had no feelings for him. Maybe it had all been a dream, a foolish invention. He had been a killer, a destroyer of worlds. How could anyone ever-

“Of course I do you idiot. I have for a long time now,” Poe said, eyes crinkling around the corners as he smile down at him.  Oh.

Ben felt warmth spread through him and suddenly the world seemed a new and brighter place. Even as he felt the last will to remain conscious flow out of him, he reached up, hand coming once again to the pilot’s face. Reaching around to the back of his neck, Ben pulled the darker man down to him, lips brushing gently against his cheeks as he spoke.

“Poe. I- I love you,” Ben said, feeling the soft tremors of the pilot’s barely suppressed laugh against his lips. Poe turned, so that their lips were barely brushing. The scent of wildflowers washed over him. “I know,” said Poe, and then he brought their lips together, and with a rush of sound, the world seemed to cease turning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...it's over. Or at least sort of over. I plan on writing an epilogue mostly because I didn't want to just leave it there, even thought I am pretty happy with the ending. I want to thank everyone for their continued support of my nonsense and I sincerely hope that you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is a great ship and a great fandom and I can't wait to hear what you guys thought of the ending of my little contribution to it.   
> God, I can't believe I've finished writing this to be completely honest. But, it had to come to an end and I hope I did these two the justice they deserve as fantastic characters. So thanks guys.


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